{makeover finalists will be posted tomorrow so stay tuned!!}
LOL! Turns out the historic celebration wasn't a suprise for ME--which is ok bc I can't go on cruise's this preggie--it was more Brock stuff. LOL! Thought all of that election stuff wrapped up like Halloween or something? WIERD it was still going on like months and months later but cool I guess, Brock's a total babe and seriously I love black people. My old roommate was friends with one that had the most darling hair. As far as poli-tickle stuff goes, yawwwwwn.
Bragging is so lame, so I won't, but I'd be taking my blessing's for granite if me and feti didn't publicly say GOOD JOB ON GETTING STRAIGHT A's AGAIN JJWT!! Thanx for helping me outrank the other wives. This calls for a banner made w/ help from my Cricut! :) Love you babe!
Anyways, can I seriously just share my sadness for a sec???? This girl in my ward brings her kids to {pitypout-cringe} DAYCARE which just makes my heart hurt for there whole fam and all the wrong choices her kids are prolly about to make bc of her. :( Not to judge but I just fill so sad for them and could NEVER do that to my feti.
Totally unrelated, guess whose gym pass just got upgraded to include childcare!?! YAY!
HAHAHA! This one made me laugh out loud and might be one of my faves.
ReplyDeleteYou've always outranked the other wives, girl!
ReplyDeleteI swear to you that this exact post could be on any number of real blogs I've seen.
ReplyDeleteWork-out 9-5!
ReplyDeleteBwwaahhhahhaaaaaa! Didn't see that one coming . . .
ReplyDeleteNow you can work out in the sauna AND still be a good mommers to you're twin's!
ReplyDeleteYou have the luckiest fetin in the whole world and when they get here, I am sure they will be totally the most perfect children ever.
ReplyDeleteWhen will your gym let feti come with you? What ever will you do to manetane your hot bod if they won't let you bring the feti until the age of 6 months? You better spend some bedrest time checking into this, so you're prepaird to achieve your workout goals with the feti in tote!
ReplyDeleteWOW! You have some peeps down pat! You are so Hulareus! FOr realz! You make my sides spints.
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT.
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU SO MUCH for including that last line. Makes me feel so lovely inside.
Genius. I didn't see that one coming either. I love it when people think daycare is the ultimate sin.
ReplyDeleteSometimes this is so accurate I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ReplyDelete...but I prefer laughing.
ReplyDeleteOooh, that one was GOOD.
ReplyDeleteStraight A's Congrats JJWT. You rock. No I am not flirting with your husband, just giving out good vibes.
ReplyDeleteThat's so awesome about the gym! You can workout for an hour or two, tan, sauna, shower, dry your hair, do your makeup (not like you need it), grab a snack (oops, I mean bottle of zero-calorie water) and STILL be there for your kids 100%. AWESOME!
ReplyDeletebwahahahaha! Day care...sniff sniff...you're the fun-knee-ist...
ReplyDeleteNub you...cute ebff
Tam
zing!! Such biting social commentary has never been so funny. Keep it up TAMN!
ReplyDeleteThe gym is so great. Don't forget the tanning pass- looks so hot w/ your new gym outfits and well manicured french nails.
ReplyDeleteStand in the front for the classes, so you can inspire everyone else who just looks so sad. Poor girls.
Dead on hilarious. This post makes me think of something I'd love to hear about. I want to hear about all the things you will NEVER do as a mom, like take your twinners to the store in their jammies w/ dirty faces. And I want to hear about all the things you WILL do as a mom, like how your children will be such perfect examples during Sacrament Meeting for everyone else's. Please share!!!
ReplyDeletewait!! i tottally dont understand. why does she drop her kids off at daycare? does she ***gasp*** work?? or is she just dropping them off for a few hours while she gets mani/pedis? in any case, does the bish noe about this abomination? you might want to clue him in... maybe LDS family services should get involved.
ReplyDeleteofficially, this is my favorite post ever. hahah!
ReplyDeleteChildcare for working is like a sin, cuz, like, that's totally optional. But we're, like, commanded to keep are bodies like a temple, so anything having to do with beauty is just dewing are duty. I wish evryone had the prespective of life that you do. Sich an inspiration, as allways!
ReplyDelete"...seriously I love black people. My old roommate was friends with one that had the most darling hair."
ReplyDelete___________
Bwaa hahaha ! Your satire is brilliant. Your parody of Utah culture reminds me of Garrison Keillor's satirical sketches of life in Minnesota on "Praire Home Companion." You are a very talented writer-- with a very promising career. Maybe you and JJWT can share child-rearing responsibilities ( a shocking, radical idea -Ha !) so that you can pursue your writing. Seriously dead-on satire. Love you, from D.
Casinos also have daycare, which is great when I wanna hit up the all-you-can-eat buffet.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog, you're hilarious!
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ReplyDeleteDAYCARE = selfish mom's with boring jobs who don't love their children and don't get pedi's.
ReplyDeleteCHILDCARE = hot mom's at the gym who love their children so much that they teach them on a regular basis the importance of honoring our "temple" body by working out for hours at a time in a skimpy sports bra and skin-tight shorts.
they are complete opposites, DUH!
"blessing's for granite"
ReplyDeleteGenius.
Then the day care thing? Not sure whether to laugh or cry. (Which are worse, laugh lines or mascara tracks?)
TAMN, you made my day.
*sharp intake of breath through clenched teeth*
ReplyDeletei hope they at least use wooden toys at that lady's daycare. i hear plastic is killing kids left and right these days. it's a shame she's endangering her kids with both physical AND spiritual death.
Uh oh, Tamners, are you taking precautions to make sure you're not going to need a c-section? Cuz if you get one, you have to wait six to eight WEEKS before exercising, which means the pass would be useless for almost two months, and we all know the importance of frugality.
ReplyDeleteYou knew someone who knew a black person, too? I thought I was the only one. Weird.
ReplyDeletehey TAMN. what ever happened to lynzii?? is she preggo?
ReplyDeleteWow, daycare AND black people in one post! Good job!
ReplyDeleteTamn- Where in the H is the giveaway? I have been waiting with baited breath to see if my frumps will be turned to fabulous!
ReplyDeleteTAMN- you must learn "ROFL" (rolling on floor laughing) commonly used "ROLF".
ReplyDeleteAlso, I want to know what you and JJWT have for your creative/witty/righteous personalized license plates?
I want you to know - sometimes I have hated some of your posts, but this one is my favorite by far. Just the right amount of snarky and self-righteousness. Beautiful. Thank you for making my day.
ReplyDeleteI grew up outside of Utah and some of my most awesome friends were black! Love them! My heart hurts too. I am grateful for family and flexible work schedules that will allow my future children to almost always have a parent at home (gotta get away once in awhile though, RIGHt?) Yay for an awesome gym! I have been working my butt off in hopes of a healthier(hotter) me!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat?!?!? JWTT DIDN'T have a historic surprise for you? *gasp and pity-pout* Well, you'll get an amazing cruise/baby shower soon. Make sure you include those poor daycare kids in your prayers tonight since they're now off the path of straight and narrow thanks to their selfish mommy. Maybe you should talk to your bish and arrange for some sort of guilt-inducing lesson to be taught in Relief Society about that...
ReplyDeleteAmanda's comment is my favorite today! BAAHAAHAHA! And I totally new a black person once too! Oh wait no, she was Polynesian...
ReplyDeleteSee if there's a pedi place close enough for the daycare's pager to work.
ReplyDeleteTAMN, I thought you were TEACHING airobics at the gym, not using a pass like a fatty frumpster?
ReplyDeleteCongrats to JJWT!!! You are such a great wifey to post about how fab he is!!! Because we all know that behind every great man is a great looking woman.
ReplyDeleteIs anybody else getting tired of this? New day, same old satire.
ReplyDeleteHahaha. TAMN, I'm so excited about your new upgraded gym pass! Yea, now we can go together!
ReplyDeleteDead ringer.
ReplyDeleteP.S. When does JJWT answer our questions?? I mean, clearly he's busy getting straight A's, but hopefully soon.
ReplyDeleteTAMN, just breastfeed. There's like a ba-jillion cute accessories. There is no need to sweat while at the gym. Plus, from experience, everyone is going to gush over your babies {and your hott bod} so you really won't have time to do much more that make a few laps around the gym parading the little ones.
ReplyDeleteTAMN,
ReplyDeleteMy heart also hurts for the kids who are dropped off at work orphanages. Almost peed my pants with that one. Quite frankly, my favorite post.
I despise when people use apostrophes when it is not necessary. Thank you for including this in your satire, because I *know* that you know how to write!
ReplyDeleteI spend a lot of time rolling my eyes at this blog, but this is an amazing thing you're doing and I am impressed by the time and effort you've put forth for it, TAMN. Thanks for the chance to help someone feel like the daughter of God they are.
ReplyDeleteAm I too old & frump to be commenting on your blog? Or does it make your heart happy to know there is someone out there like me who still looks to you for fab guidance?
ReplyDelete