do you guys have any idea how long i've been perfecting my ponder pout and vibratto to sing and be a Window To His Love for my spinstie friend Yvette's fairwell?? She never expspecifically ASKED me to sing but it was def implied, only come to find out get this she and her wierdest sister who doesn't even have bangs is playing the chello.
Seriously??
I've choosen to be offended.
A well-forced vibrato comes from righteous emotions and not from years and years of practicing vocal support and proper vocal coaching. Practice and lessons are the world's way of trying to get talents that God didn't give you and totally against the plan.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Yvette and her weird sister took lessons for their cello. That's probably why they are still single.
It's OK to be offended. Normally, I think it's righteous for people choose not to be offended no matter how I insult them, insinuate that they are unworthy, or explain how their choices are so wrong. OK, so sometimes people have really hard choices that I've never had to make, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't choose better in their shoes.
But when it's a total slap in the face, it's OK to be offended.
GIRLCOTT!!! The best thing to do is send her on her way wondrin' if your still friends 'cause in the MTC they don't email and unless you right her she'll just have to carry the burden and trust me, she'll know why. Also, make a big deal about how they aren't supposed to HAVE farwells anymore so she's basically leaving with the shadow of apostacy over her head. Also, try to figure out when her P-Day is at the MTC so you can make sure you drive by/HAPPEN to be on a super romantic dinner set up right in front of the temple 'cause JJWT wanted to reenact his second proposal to you/declare you HAVE to play volleyball on the MTC cort/walk by with a HUGE FroYo so she'll regret her choice. Maybe put a sign in your back window that says "Girls can leave at any time, no descrase, YVETTE" and just park out front.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you do, make sure ya reinforce that only ugly spinsties serve missions and putting on that tag says "I've totally given up."
Lotsa good ideas there.
The chello?!? I bet she plays something from th hymnbook that isn't even by Lex de Azevedo or Janice Kapp Perry. Not even spiritchal.
ReplyDeleteNot to be judgemental, but who wants to listen to music without words? How are you supposed to feel the spirit that way?
ReplyDeleteI was really looking forward to you putting up the boombox to the microphone and hitting play and then singing yer guts out.
ReplyDeleteNext time.
You can only sing it if it's in the style of "Jesus is my boyfriend" with lots and lots of scoopy notes. Please?
ReplyDeleteYou should be! That's not fair!
ReplyDeleteThe chello? Ew. I'm sure your singing would be SO MUCH better.
ReplyDeleteNO bangs? Are you serious? What a disaster it's going to be! WOW! I feel awful for Yvette to have such a horrible send off.
ReplyDeleteUgh. I'd be offended too! Like, what was she thinking? Obviously you singing would be so much more spiritual than some LAME chello. And her sister? Yikes. The spinster thing prolly runs in the family. Let me guess, the sister is 23 and single, huh?
ReplyDeleteAs you should be! Who wants to be forced to listen to a skreetchy old cello anyway!?
ReplyDeleteThey might as well both declare to the entire ward they are never getting married and would rather live together as spinster sisters in an old farmhouse with 10 cats. Gross.
ReplyDeleteEw, the cello? Who even plays that instrument anymore? I would opt for something so much less frumpy, like an electric guitar... Or wait... You need to pay one of those guys from the YSA to bust out the acoustic and play some good 'ole Eric Clapton "Only Words", def feel the spirit everytime I hear that one *tear* poor Yvette, I bet she's never had a boy take her to the parking lot and play her that song during a dance...
ReplyDeleteTAMN, surely you of all people can see what Yvette is doing! She's putting her talents on display in a last desperate attempt to get a proposal as soon as sacrament is over so she doesn't have to go. Isn't it obvious?!?!
ReplyDeleteOne of my high school friends had an older sister who was going to go on a mission, but one of her guy friends came to her farewell and after hearing her speak AND sing he knew he had to propose, and now they have four kids - true story!
I say good job Yvette for taking one last shot to get married before she goes!
Frau!!! I love you as much as I love Mhana! Where is your blog?
ReplyDeleteOh I hope L.Jo's right!
ReplyDeleteToo bad, TAMN. You're one of the best singers of Inspirational FluffRock that I know.
ReplyDeleteYou'd think she'd choose someone closer than a sister. So sad.
ReplyDeleteIs it just me or is your spelling becoming increasingly creative? Not judging. Just imprest. (Cute winky face.)
ReplyDeleteoh no! But at least you can still do your well-practiced laying of your head on your hubby's shoulder as you close your eyes and lift your perfectly plumped lips to heaven. Plus, if you DO that, you'll not only look uber spirichal, you'll also avoid having to catch a glimps of the weird sister's 3/4 length long underwears that will peek out of her calf'length skirt she'll wear because she likes it, not even because she's gonna straddle a chello (IN THE CHAPEL FOR GOODNESS SAKES!) I'd even bet there'll be some l'eggs $0.99 sheer knee-hi's involved. Its just a disaster waiting to happen, but don't you worry, you'll look great through the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteEvryone knows the cute instrament to play is the flute. I mean have you ever watched Mo-tab on tv? ( I kinda had to) They always show the cute girl playing the flute when they show the band.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha. Straddling the cello in the chapel. That killed me! And no bangs? wow.
ReplyDeleteEw.
ReplyDeleteThe cello?
Not the piano or flute or violin or something else that makes dainty sounds?
No wonder she has to go on a mission.
She doesn't have bangs? That really does add insult to injury. Let me guess... weird sister is also single? I hope they play something by Michael McLean or Michael Buble, and not that classical stuff that drives the spirit right out the window.
ReplyDeleteWell, just sneak up behind them while they are playing and start using sign language to the lyrics and work your way to the front of the podium.
ReplyDeleteThey will NEVER know and you will look so hot and spiritchal that you took time to learn to sign... better yet, have the twinsess sign it too.
and ps... isn't ASKED s'pposed to be AXED?
ReplyDeleteSeriously.. That's tragic! And no bangs? That's the worst part of it all!
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI rilly hate to say this, but Yvette is beeing selfish and making this farewell all about HERSELF instead of letting others lights shine. Who performs a musical number at their OWN FAREWELL?!?!? Kinda desperate if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteWhat?! You're too good for "In This Very Room"??!!
ReplyDeletelittle loveable's idea is perfect, and of course you must do it!! I'm sure you were planning on it anyway. The cello is my favorite instrument, but, yeah, it's a little inappropriate for the chapel I would think. Well good luck on whatever you decide to do.
ReplyDelete'I have choosen to be offended'- well, who woodn't?? I mean how cood you not be ofended!!
ReplyDeleteno bangs and i'm SURE not cute ponder pout.
ReplyDelete"I've choosen to be offended." Love it!
ReplyDeleteYou should probably sit on the stand, since it was implied that you'd perfom, er, sing, than once the frumpy sister is finished, you can get up and sing anyway.
ReplyDeleteHey, at least you recognize it's a choice! Impressive, TAMN! ;)
ReplyDeleteew.
ReplyDeletesearieasly, can Yvette get any lamer?
you should sing: In the Hallow of His Hand
ReplyDeleteeveryone knows missions are for boys
Expespecifically?
ReplyDeleteI love you, TAMN. You really rock.
I love Frau's comment. Seriously.
ReplyDeletesomeday my win will come.
ReplyDelete