SUCH a fun 4rth!
Not only did AngelNugget have the day off YAY and Alivyiah and Tridger both looked darlingly patriotical, but my big bro Derek came down for the weekend from NYC! SOOOO nice to see fam since we're sooo far away and going it alone out here as we GROW AS A COUPLE. Haven't seen him since our WEDDING.
Guys, serious, Derek is so cute and so fun and so hilarious and so darling. We went to a ton of fireworks and took pics of us eating at the Cheesecake Factory and everything. MEMORY MAKERS!!
He's 31 {yikes, right Der? ;)} and SINGLE! He just finished culinary school up there wayyyy smart, valavictorian of his chef class, and is the sassiest dude dresser I know. I wish JJWT would wear pants that snug and metro but he won't. Ugh. SOOOO FUN to have him here trying to teach Alivzee and the Tridgster some spicey dance moves. It was extra fun bc he'd broughten his buff, hairless friend Cory who is ALSO darling and ALSO a sassy dancer, but he does hair instead of culinaries school. I tried to make 'em hit up Duck Beach a while back {Yvette went but suprise suprise got zero action bc she refused to where a bikini--prude cough prude} but they both just chuckled and said "No thanx, sweetie," while patting my adorable head. Those poor boys!
They both have great bodies and hair so I don't get why there still single. Sad!
Love you Derek! Thanx for a great week! Everyone eltse come visit soon I love and miss you!
Wow.
ReplyDeleteThis may be a new favorite post.
Um, TAMN?
ReplyDeleteDo you think that maybe...um...
maybe Derek...?
nevermind.
This is officially my new favorite TAMN post. Awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it with "Duck Beach" - only DC area LDS singles call it that.
Does he wear man capris too?
ReplyDeleteYeah. Totally Gay. Just sayin!
ReplyDeleteyeah. definitely one of my favorite posts so far. :)
ReplyDeleteHoneycheeks. I think you're brother and his friend are...
ReplyDelete...TOTALLY just waiting for the right one! Just like Sheri Dew.
Umm....
ReplyDeleteLiek, OMG HOW ODD! I mean, are they clueless or just that odd? If they are that hawt, they should liek totally be hooked up by now! You should totally pray for them. It's UnAmerican to be hot and single!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I've been lurking for a while and this gave me even more of a reason to live. Too funny. After dealing with my super-conservative family, it's nice to come home and read something that genuinely makes me smile. Kudos. Keep it up. I need the funny therapy.
TAMNers, h8 to brake your tender liddle heart, but your hottie-with-a-naughty-body BiG bRo, Derek, is a...
ReplyDeletehOmOsExUaL.
Sad.
wow. Maybe you should get JJWT to give them tips on how to find The One. Then they can follow your ritchus example. Although, it must be hard living out in the mishun filled for so long. Especially with all of those *whispers* gays that live in New York. I saw a documentary on TLC about them.
ReplyDeleteOMG he sounds just like my little bro Chris! He's an art may-ger, and he always has the CUTEST guy friends when I see him.
ReplyDeleteWe are the luckiesy girls to have brothers like them!
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteGenius.
ReplyDeleteJust when I think you have explored everything, you come up with this! Oh, dear.
ReplyDeleteLove it!! I was totally waiting for the brother/friend gay post. You are too cute. Thanks for making me laugh at myself. Keep it up!!
ReplyDeleteBAHAHA!
ReplyDeleteI love that their names are Derek and Cory.
dead on.
I bet they're also huge aiken/lambert/seacrest fans
ReplyDeleteOk, TAMN, I want you to think back to this weekend, rill hard.
ReplyDeleteDid Derek share his cheesecake with Cory?
Did they sit on the same blanket during the fireworks?
Did Cory play with Alivzee and Tridge and Derek seem to get a little misty eyed?
I think it's obvious TAMN. Derek is having money issues. He can't afford anything on his own, he has to share everything with his friend Cory. And he's upset that he can't afford to have babies with all his student loan debt. Can he get that manager job if you don't take it?
That is so nice of them to come all the way from New York -- that is like a four hour drive, right? I'm really impressed how open-minded you are about culinary school. {Frownsmile}. I mean sure, whipping out a good meal is a good way to impress a lady on a date, but you could get the same thing by taking her to Cheesecake. You should urge him to quit cooking for a job and follow the kind of profession you'd want Tridg to take up so he is surrounded entirely by dentists/ceos/orthodontists/lawyers. I mean it would be nice if he could home cater Aliviah's wedding for free 18 years from now but surely Derek is kinda the black sheep of your McMansion family? All the men in MY family have really macho conservative jobs, and we've never been happier sooo.... time to start hintin' pressurin' whinin' interferin' sabotagin'!
ReplyDeleteSeacrist is gay? Yeah, that fits.
ReplyDeleteI can hardly wait for the post when Derek comes out to your family. Maybe when he moves to Vermont so he and the hot Cory can make it official.
It just keeps getting better and better.
ReplyDeleteHAHA! LOVE this post!
ReplyDeleteI will completely admit that you are funnier than I am now. It's been difficult, but this one took the cake.
ReplyDeleteThe cute wons always swing for the other team...go figure!
ReplyDeleteLol! With the spicey dance moves and sassy clothes I can't imagine why they are still single! Unless...
ReplyDeleteNo, it can't be...
I'm sure they are just waiting for THE ONE. Maybe your bro needs to move back to Zion where there are lots of righteous babes to choose from. Or maybe he needs to be the next one to benefit from MoMatchelor!!
LOVE. THIS. POST. Keep the laughs comin Tamn.
ReplyDeleteDerek sounds like a real man's man!
ReplyDeleteMaybe your brother could become Paris's next BFF.....That would be super hott.
ReplyDeleteTamn, no offense, but, I was getting a lil dissapointed with your bloggy lately- it just hasn't been as good as it was at first!!
ReplyDeleteBut it looks like you are briging it back, babe!!
Best. Post. Ever. Hands down. You are awesome, TAMN!
ReplyDelete{gay cough gay}
ReplyDelete...just sayin'
That was disturbing.
ReplyDeleteare their middles names Spence and Lance...?
ReplyDeleteWow! Sounds like a catch!
ReplyDeleteor something.
Yesssssssssss.
ReplyDeleteWhoever catches either one of those hawt, hawt men is going to be soooo lucky. Just say'n.
ReplyDeleteOh my. It just gets better and better...
ReplyDeleteDoes your brother listen to lots of Elton John, Petshop Boys and Erasure. You may want to ask him that...
ReplyDeleteHate to break it to you but he might be interested in girls...
You. Are. Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteWow...just when I thought you may run out of material. BRILLIANT! :)
ReplyDeleteI want another post about the mail you get...CLASSIC! :)
Thanks for the laughs TAMN!
So jealous! I wish I had a brother who I could swap clothes with and talk makeup with and karaoake to Celine with. He sounds like the best sister ever!
ReplyDeleteHe is SO cute! Didn't you tell me that he was the one who introduced you to Pride & Prejudist?
ReplyDeleteI'm... so confused... every mormon mommy blogger in utah has a gay brother in DC? huh.
ReplyDeleteWow. Priceless!! :0)
ReplyDeleteTotally don't worry your totally darling head, TAMN! Obviously their soul mates just havn't twinkled into their consciouses yet. Their future RS-prez wifes are probully serving their 3rd or 4th consecutive missions.
ReplyDeleteOne of these days they will find each other and it will be just like that scene from SATURDAY'S WARRIOR. So spirichul!!! I'm already getting goosebumps thinking about it.
What is duck beach?
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with Trent!?
ReplyDeleteAlright, this one was good! Sassiest...love it.
ReplyDeleteLook, TAMNers, just keep trying, because all Derek needs is the right girl!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDelete"broughten"
Thanks for that.
Will your darling kiddos call them Uncle Derek and Aunt Cory?
ReplyDeleteThe co$t of living in NYC is so expen$ive. Do the guys share an apartment? With real estate the way it is, they prolly couldn't afford a place with more than one bedroom, but I'll bet it's decorated to die for. Did they give you some tips on furnishing your new pad?
It sounds like they may have a case of The G, but hopefully there will be a remedy out soon. You know, to cure them and all. Are you sure you want your kids playing with them? I heard it's contagious...
ReplyDeleteP.S. I adore your uses of their/there/they're, your/you're, etc., but my favorite is "would of" and "should of" and such.
ReplyDeleteI totally failed to buy or make new patriotical clothes for my kids this year. The only one in RW&B was my daughter who still fit her Target tee from last year. SO sad. Might have to tear up my voter card. :(
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you & yours had a great Forth! It sounds like your family knows how to have a good time, especially Derek. My sis has been asking about your brother so I'll bet she'll be really excited to read this post!
(Oh and on Sat. my other daughter wore a HALLOWEEN t-shirt. Our standards are SERIOUSLY slipping around here.)
ReplyDeleteSeriously. You're killing me!
ReplyDeleteWoohoo! You finally blogged about your *SINGLE* brother!
ReplyDeleteOh...
Sad.
Somehow I don't think he'll be that into me.
Do you have _another_ brother?...
Can't wait to see what happens next. I think you may want to change the name of this lovely blog to DAYS OF OUR SERIOUS LIVES!
ReplyDeleteLove it!
Yeah, I agree with Renny. Huh?
ReplyDeleteRenny: (TAMN plug your ears) it's more that a lot of people like TAMN have people LIKE DEREK in their lives about whom they are painfully and perhaps deliberately clueless in their persistent denial of, well, the obvious.
ReplyDeleteRight on, as usual. This was one hilarious.
YES. best. post. ever.
ReplyDeleteValavictorian. You are my favorite, TAMN.
ReplyDeleteLove...it..
ReplyDeleteUm can you change your blog to Seriously, so hilarious! or even better...
ReplyDelete"Seriously, so stinkin' hilarious!"
This one made me call my friends. Love it.
Um...TAMN?
ReplyDeleteThis is hands down my favorite post.
ReplyDeleteI think this may be my favorite post. ever..
ReplyDeleteTAMN, we don't make fun of gay people, okay? We love them. Love the sinner, hate the sin. Your brother is precious and special, don't you forget that! And, sweetheart, come on out of denial and open your heart to your gay (as in homosexual, as in wants to dtd with other dudes) brother, and let him know that you love him no matter what.
ReplyDeleteLove the ref to Duck Beach. The real question here is whether Derek wears glitter and carries a man-purse...
ReplyDeleteAnd here's the post where half your fans drop off and the other half are even further convinced of your hilarious brilliance while applauding you for even toeing the water of this hotbutton topic. Oh, and that second half would be those of us who aren't all, you know, judgemental-y and stuff. Just sayin'
ReplyDeleteTamn, didn't your brother get you a "In Reality, Boys who sparkle aren't really that into girls" T-shirt? Didn't he? well, even if he didn't...you may want to give some small consideration to the idea. I mean...it sounds like a whole lot-o sparkly for one single manly dude.
ReplyDeleteYikes, 31 and still single? Isn't that the age that they kick you out of the singles' ward?
ReplyDeleteHe DOES go to church, right? Him and Cory, they're both super active guys just looking for their female eternal companions, right?
I'm usually laughing my gut out at you, but somehow I think this topic isn't one appropriate for humor and perpetuating stereotypes. I'm somewhat disappointed. Keep to funny cultural quirks and leave the touchy topics that are going to hurt feelings alone.
ReplyDeleteI AM laughing my gut(s) out at you TAMN! Way to go! Who doesn't have a brother like yours, is what I want to know! They are the best. Super fun, great at chick flicks, awesome fashion talk...love it!
ReplyDeleteThis one slayed. I think my favourite part was his "buff, hairless friend...". Classic!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, people are getting their feelings hurt over this one? I for one thought this was one of the funniest posts so far.
ReplyDeleteLove this blog, keep up the good work.
Haha. Obviously Derek is not so much "single" as in a "non-traditional" relationship. Can't wait to read about when he comes out. Excellent twist in the TAMN world.
ReplyDeleteOh, Sparrow, you sad little bird. SAHM was right and you have confirmed her prediction. Cheri explained it so well. TAMNers isn't making fun of *gays* she is making fun of those of us who can't/won't deal with the issues of homosexuality surrounding us. Brilliant. I never saw this one coming, TAMN.
ReplyDeleteToo funny. And agree you nailed a phenomenon with this one.
ReplyDeleteFor anyone offended: remember you have to TAKE offense and you can always quit following.
Hilarious! Keep the awesomeness coming....
ReplyDeleteI love it! Derek and Cory are SO made for...some beautiful single sisters out there. ;)
ReplyDeleteThe hilarious thing is not that your brother is gay, but that you are clueless to it!!
ReplyDeleteperfect. seriously so perfect!!
ReplyDeletehahahahah!!!
Love this post. LOVE IT.
ReplyDeleteJust to clear it up, I'm not actually personally offended. I just didn't find it that funny. And I know that she's making fun of Mormons who don't know how to deal with gays, not gays. That doesn't necessarily make it better. But I still love you, TAMN, overall. Just expressing my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteTAMN, you rock. This post is my all time favorite. :-)
ReplyDeleteI've been just kind of dropping in here and there, but I have to comment...
ReplyDeleteAwesome. Well done, TAMN.
I have to try keep myself from reading this blog. It makes me so terrifically cynical. Mind you, it doesn't stop me from reading it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your astute observation TAMN, you really are the greatest girl in the world.
hee hee
ReplyDeleteOh, you're my fav blogger EVAH, TAMN! This one was classic.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad Sparrow I feel ya. Not offended, just kind of a weird post. I love that everyone likes to pretend that they're so forward thinking and that is why they get the "deeper meaning" of this blog, that "TAMN" is trying to teach people a lesson, or something... I think she is just trying to be funny as usual and some posts aren't going to ring as funny with some people, that is all. Its all a part of humor, we have different taste. I find this post weird, but the next one will crack me up. Its how it goes.
ReplyDeleteUmmmm...there not single. Lit's jist say, they have A LOT more in common with Adam Lambert (luv him!) than you'd think. But "gay" means happy, right?
ReplyDeleteOmigosh, I just thot--does he wear guyliner? Pleez say no.
ReplyDeleteSo...I'm not judging or anything but I'm surprised that anyone who is righteous would have that Toby Keith song on their blog. It cusses. But I'm not judging :[
ReplyDeleteYeah...Don't feel too bad for your bro being single.
ReplyDeleteRach, I totally didn't get the Derek and Cory reference right away. Apparently it's been a few years since I've seen LDS movies.
ReplyDeleteSparrow, this IS making fun of cultural quirks. LDS people (especially in Utah) aren't known to have the best gaydars, and can often be quite oblivious to the obvious.
TAMN, best post in a long time. SSB went downhill for awhile and just got super mean (it was probably pregnancy hormones), but lately it's gotten so much better again. This post takes the cake, though. I love it. Glad I stuck with you.
BAHAHAHAH!
ReplyDeleteTop five all-time favorite posts, easily. The name Derek is perfect. No offense Dereks. And Cory is right on, too.
Bravo, TAMN. The Duck Beach ref is also genius.
My co-worker just asked if I was laughing or crying. I had to tell her both.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you've ever posted anything as funny as this. I LOVE Derek and Cory! Seriously, I'm a total fruitfly and these boys are SCREAMING fruity!
Love it.
Love you!
Another thought....my aunt married a wonderful woman just a few weeks ago. Her best friend was her maid of honor too. I think his name was Derek. Was your brother at the wedding? He looks darling in pink! And I totally envied his glitter.
ReplyDeleteAs you can imagine the drag show at the reception was a bit untraditional, and my grandparents were pretty upset....but all in all it was a great party.
Shout out to Jessica M. from Simi! :) I recognized your picture. Fun that you follow this blog too!
ReplyDeleteTAMN, you've been holding out on everyone! Why wasn't your Bro Mo-Matchelor?
ReplyDeleteHoly cow Laurel! Hey!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Renny.
ReplyDeleteI don't! As a brother like Derek myself, I found this to be HI-larious! Where are the other Derek posts!?
ReplyDeleteI love so many things about this post. But my favorite? prude cough prude. Classic.
ReplyDeleteA convo between and my lover buns reminded me of this post so I had to hunt it down and read it to him. So HI-lar-IOUS!
ReplyDelete