Oh em gosh, tommorrow Yvette supposably gets her mission call!!!
Poor girl isn't related to any GAs so had to wait the full month like commoners.
Any predictions???
If it's the Fiji or something she can at least start her lonly existence tan. I'll seriously cry if they send her somewhere gross like Romainia but then again not like it would be THAT big of a suprise, but if she stays in America her bum'll double which trust me, whoa. Where where where??? And if she gets a call, will she GO??
Poor girl isn't related to any GAs so had to wait the full month like commoners.
Any predictions???
If it's the Fiji or something she can at least start her lonly existence tan. I'll seriously cry if they send her somewhere gross like Romainia but then again not like it would be THAT big of a suprise, but if she stays in America her bum'll double which trust me, whoa. Where where where??? And if she gets a call, will she GO??
But she'll have a farmers tan, I think no tan at all might be better then that!
ReplyDeletePerhaps she'll meet a man on the mish who thinks like sir-mix-a-lot.
ReplyDeletemaybe God wants her bum to double for that guy to notice her?
While I get that it's supposed to be funny and it was the first couple of posts, you're kind of being a downer on the whole female missionary experience and I worry that instead of poking fun at the stereotype you may have crossed some intangible line where you are more propituating it than preventing it.
ReplyDeleteCommoners!! bum'll double?? LOL!
ReplyDeleteI'll pray that she gets a call to somewhere Asian so she can get skinny like all the Asians are. She won't get a tan, but at least she'll fit into a totally hot modest bikini.
ReplyDeletehas she even bought her Doc Martens yet?
ReplyDeleteIf she goes to Romania she may meet a real life Vampire and have her own Twilight story...just sayin'
ReplyDeletexox
I bet she'll go to Boise, ID... especially if she's not related to any GA's... Boise here comes Yvette! Poor frumpy girl!
ReplyDeletebum'll double. . . woah, indeed!
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for something in Central America. I know at first glance you might think it's gross and uncutsey. But sisters who serve there are blessed with extra parasites and they come back so nice and skinny. Trust me on this one, if you see her after Honduras you'll want to visit and drink the water.
ReplyDeleteSince she's not very pretty, I'm guessing she WON'T be called to the Temple Square mission. Isn't that where all the pretty ones go???
ReplyDeleteWouldn't it be the grossest if she went to Bulgaria. Or Albania. That would be the grossest.
ReplyDeleteJAPAN!
ReplyDeleteOmaha or Des Moines or somewhere midwesty for sure.
ReplyDeletei'm actually with nookleerman on this one. i think this may be pushing the boundaries.
ReplyDelete"propituating"? Riiiight.
ReplyDeleteI love Yvette and hope this "having a call" thing forces whatever guy she likes these days into busting out a ring (smaller than yours). The "I almost went but then got married" crowd is the best.
I hope she gets called to Europe.
As always, it's funny bc it's true.
ReplyDelete1. A lot of people like our dear TAMN say stuff JUST like this in all seriousness.
2. I did serve stateside, and my bum DID double. Haha! Sad but true.
It's not TAMN's fault she's accurate. And I am consistently amazed at how carefully you manage to navigate these "lines." Love you.
Is "Romainia" like a type of eastern european lettuce?
ReplyDeleteI know I'm so easy, but every time you say supposably I giggle.
She needs to go somewhere where she'll be bike-riding. I went to Taiwan and I came home so skinny and hot, I got married 3 months later!! it works, trust me. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd TAMN, I think you're great at managing the lines. This is amazing stuff.
Well, undoubtably, she will not get called to Temple Square, b/c only cute girls get called there. And, since she is a commoner and is not related to any G.A.'s, she probably will not get called to sophisticated missions in western Europe. So my bet is on either an impoverished third world country, or the midwest. As long as she keeps on a strict diet and does a lot of walking/ bike riding, she prolly will not gain weight. Please tell her I am praying for her........ love you, XOXO --D.
ReplyDeleteOgden North. (She can take UTA!)
ReplyDeletePlease oh please do a post on state-side vs. foreign mission snobbery. Pleeeeeeze! It's totally rife with material.
ReplyDeleteLove love you.
BAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I finally got the title of this post! Oh, the fat dresses!
ReplyDeleteShe's might be a lost cause, TAMN. At the very least you should demand that she go on ONE date with one of JJWT'S single law/biz/dental/med school friends. AND YOU COULD DOUBLE!!!! BAAAA!
ReplyDeleteTalk about how GRATE it is to be cute and married and not celibate for 18 months in front of them.
Best case sceneaireeo: they get engaged that week.
Worst case: she'll at least have someone to send CUTE letters to on the brightly colored stationary that you are SO going to get her. And stickers. And sparkles...Don't forget sparkles.
I am going to have to agree with Nookleerman. Sorry TAMN! It was funny the first time but now it is just a bit overboard. I never went on a mission but it was my dream as a little girl to go and although there are jokes about girls going and they are quite funny; it is just too much.
ReplyDeleteAs an R.M. who served in a perpetually-overcast country, may I say that this is ALL TRUE.
ReplyDeleteIf you're lucky enough to get to spend time in people's homes teaching them the Gospel, and you're not as "self-confident" as TAMN, you let people show love and hospitality by feeding you--and you get bigger. I called this "Fat for Jesus."
Another totally true story: I asked a friend who'd served in my mission what she'd worn, and she told me loafers and jumpers, and I was guileless enough that I managed to track some down (it was already getting a little hard to find those things to buy in the early nineties.) Later my mom managed to send me some more stylish togs, but I did still wear the jumpers on weekdays--they were so comfortable, even if no one in Belgium knew what a jumper was. (I still kinda miss the jumpers. Also the Belgians.) I also wore wool socks over my tights in winter. You gotta do what you gotta do.
Oh--and now I love overcast days.
I served in Italy, and I am one of at least 20 other sister missionaries who ended up marrying one of the elders from our mission...so if you want her to get married, you better pray she goes to Italy! It's the "Celestial" mission!
ReplyDeleteof course she'll go....unless she meets her EC like, 2 days before going to the MTC.
ReplyDeleteWhoa WHOA WHOa! I'm telling you there are no better pickin's than elders on missions ladies! They are all full of the spirit and looking at the inner beauty... maybe Yvette has a better chance of scoring if there aren't so many teensy, cutsey things hanging around. Just sayin' my trainer married my first zone leader and we'll just say "baby had back" (love sir mix-alot).
ReplyDeleteShe's going to Santiago,Chile West
lines? crossing overage? don't make me snort! as a no-mo-mo, i know TAMN could go MUCH farther than this if she weren't so writechus. you should be kissing her dainty feet and trying to be more like her, not cautioning!
ReplyDeleteluv u 4eva tamners!
That title threw me for a minute. I thought you were talking about suicide. Which, truth be told, is not much worse than being a sister missionary and wearing frump duds.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I served in Bulgaria and my tan was A-mazing. And I met my husband there...but don't worry, he wasn't Bulgarian. He was my district leader ;)
ReplyDeleteDoesn't it work by saying where you don't want to go, is where you go? So then Romania it is :)
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA!
ReplyDeleteI, for one, would LOVE to know where person-behind-TAMN served her mission.
PLEASE ignore Nooklearman (or however he spells it) and keep the sister mish posts coming. Great stuff. :) And if he thinks things have gone to far for the stereotype, he's obviously never heard some of the things people really say in RS. Love ya TAMNers! ;)
ReplyDeletewait! If I got fat without serving a mission, but I was serving in my callings to the best of my ability, can I claim "Fat for Jesus"? Because I totally LOVE that!
ReplyDeleteWe called them "the Lords pounds". I served in the Midwest and my bum doubled!! ( or maybe more). And please let her know that Docs are out, Danskos are in now!!! :-)
ReplyDeleteI predict that she will get called to Paris, seriously study her religion in the MTC and become your first friend (well, maybe excluding your brother) to go APOSTATE, and will marry her non-mo hs boyfriend that she's already slept with. AmIright,oramIright?
ReplyDeletethe most richous women get called to temple square. Didn't you know?
ReplyDeleteI am wondering if I disagree with you then maybe it will result in more people checking out my blog. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteActually there are two kinds of sisters on Temple Square: the cute, poised models from Europe, and the girls the Lord is hoping to make a little bit cuter. (I was in the latter category.) I vote for Temple Square!!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, she can still meet a cute AP or two while she does her stint "in the field."
Too bad she's not pretty. Then she could coast this whole thing out at Temple Square or Nauvo.
ReplyDeleteRight on! I served a mission in Spain and wore jumpers about every day (c'mon, it was the mid-90s!). Fortunately, we walked everywhere so no bum-doublin'. This is funny stuff, TAMN. How are you so accurate on life?!!?
ReplyDeleteI'm loving reading where ppl went! Jo-Dan, my parents' best friends met on their missions to Italy too!
ReplyDeleteMongolia
ReplyDeleteI agree with the Boob Nazi. Too bad she probably won't be headed to Temple Square. I for one can say that it's pretty much the best mission. Just sayin!
ReplyDeleteBoise Idaho :)
ReplyDeletehawaii, it's sooooo going to be hawaii, in a really ritzy area.
ReplyDeleteWow, you know Romania exists? TAMN, you are super smart.
ReplyDeleteBut actually really hot girls go to Romania. Maybe God wants to punish them for making the choice to get married late. So Yvette proly won't go there. Or to a visitor's center.
I say Iowa. Only frumps go there. ;)
Wait, Romania? Aren't there vampires from Breaking Dawn that come from there?
ReplyDeleteVladimir and Stefan.
Holy fudge. Romania would be fetching AWESOME!
State side! It'll be state side.
ReplyDeleteLet's be honest...There's a serious rift out there about sister missionaries. And this is pretty dead on. I actually had people ask me before I got my mission call if I would choose not to go if it was "state-side." I was appalled! I was amazed at how many respectable people looked at sisters as second-class missionaries--like we were biding our time until something "better" came along! (And, yes, I gained some serious Celestial Poundage--even being in a foreign country.)
ReplyDeleteMy dad was totally the mission president of 'the fiji'! I don't mind where she goes, as long as she doesn't get called somewhere in america - BORING.
ReplyDeleteTAMN you have to interveene! you have got to get a whole lotta hot single RM's and invite them over for a "going away party" for yvette. maybe they will help her realize that she is making the wrong choice.
ReplyDeleteand while your inviting them it wont even matter if you flirt a lil bit... cause its service!
I knew a totally homely lost cause girl who went on a mish. (This is a true story no joke!) She ended up going to Cali and came back a babe! One of her comps taught her how to dress, do her makeup and hair. I swear I didn't even recognize her! So, I hope your friend stays in the U.S. and goes somewhere trendy. She has a chance that way...there is no hope if she goes to Ukraine.
ReplyDeleteShe'll go somewhere in rural Amerika where she has to ride a bicycle. In a blizzard. Wearing a long skirt. That will get caught in the bike chain.
ReplyDeleteI do hope she'll have time to knit some stylish mittens before she leaves.
I served in Maryland and packed on 20 celestial pounds, and I vowed I would never force the missionaries to eat desserts or seconds when I had them over. I knew the moment I got my call that I had been a fence-sitter in the pre-existence because I was not serving abroad or speaking a foreign language, but somehow I was able to love my experience anyway. Probably because Maryland sounds like a foreign country like EngLAND or SwitzerLAND. Plus before I got my call I couldn't have found it on a map (seriously, who knows the east coast?!)
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that nobody has pointed out that surely she will get called to FORKS WA!!!! Hello?! I hope there is an Olympic Peninsula mission and they proselyte exclusively to the 300 people that live up there. Can you imagine teaching Bella and Edward about ETERNAL MARRIAGE?!! BAAAAAAH! They'd be seriously, so prepared.
Also, tons of sisters in my mission married elders, though I did not.
My sister served in Romania! She absolutely loved it... she didn't gain weight and came back looking the same skin shade as she did before. Romania's great too!
ReplyDeleteI love all the comments! I served in Slovenia (yes, that is a real country that no one has heard of). And, I have to say that I dated more the few months before I entered the MTC and the few months after getting home than the rest of my single life combined. Yvette is in for a treat!
ReplyDeleteOoooh... Brazil, duh! That's where everyone goes!
ReplyDeletePee ess guess who is not spinsty anymore? ME! MEEEEEEEE! I have like the sparkliest rock EVER and I'm getting married in MAY and you are totally INVITED except no wearing a tiara to mine like you did to Sydney's. I'm the only one allowed.
Hopefully she'll get some place like California so she can bike off those extra ell-bees for the Lord and tan while doing it! And since she'll be so far away from you for 18 months, hopefully she'll have a TAMNish companion who will give her a makeover so her inner sweet spirit will shine on the outside!
ReplyDeleteTAMN, it'll be SOOOO good for her! It'll force hotties to spend time with her and see her for her inner beauty. Even if she is wayyy too old for them.
ReplyDeleteMy sister married her A.P.--and served state side--and I lost 30 lbs. on my mission in Thailand--and got an awesome tan (lines) and naturally bleached blonde hair. She could get lucky you know. Especially with a totally awesome friend like you! :) And just think--you totally get to send her packages and stuff and get even more blessings for that!
ReplyDeleteI went to a "cute" mission, gained weight, didn't fall in love with an elder and am working on my three year spinsty status. There is no hope for returned RM sisters. Better start fasting that she meets someone first.
ReplyDeleteNo-mo-mo? Fat for God? First friend to go apostate?? COMMONERS????
ReplyDelete*haaaahhhhh* I love it, girls.
~K~
ReplyDeleteI think she's gunna get called to the Dee Cee temple and we are all gunna know that she IS cute and you were just playin her down.
witch, is understandable.
Yeah, I served state-side Spanish-speaking and was over-fed. It was wonderful. I hope she goes state-side foreign-speaking.
ReplyDeleteI hope she doesn't come here to NC, becasue then we would have to feed her, and that is not in our budget.
ReplyDeleteOh dang it.... I served in Romania :( I thought it was the best place on EARTH to serve!! And I got married within a year after getting back from my mission... so it can't be THAT bad!!
ReplyDelete"IF" she gets a call? How did I miss that the first time through!! Like there's a chance they'll deny her ... awesome.
ReplyDeletei personally believe that they should do away with the foto on the missionary application. cause isn't the brethren just getting direct, divine revulashun from the lord about where he wants each of our fellow sisterz to serve? the pic makes it kind of hard to hear the lord it seems like. cause have you noticed how sisters kind of go where other missionaries who look like them go? or is my sample size too small?
ReplyDeletei still haf faith in the system though, and i would like to bare my testamony that i know the missionary program is true. amen.
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