June 26, 2008

I just keep crying, and crying and crying!

So I've been sobbing my brains out for half an hour, alternately calling JJTW and my mom and just sobbing. But here's the thing everybody, it's not a sad cry, it's a HAPPY cry!! Because I am going to Powell (pronounced Pal, but I'm surprised you din't know that) this weekend!! I am seriously so blessed to be able to go!! SO excited! But, I am sort of sad that my abs aren't quite as toned as I wanted them to be before this trip. I don't get how I'm still not skinnier because I go to Golds and walk around looking at people, AND I run around the neighborhood scantily clad in the early morning and evening, AND I go on absurd crash diets. Last week, for example, I only had diet coke (way bad, I know, but I'm off it now), cabbage, and fat-free, sugar-free ice cream, and lost 2 lbs! What else is it going to take, people!?? Maybe I should get addicted to yoga like Madonna, but keep my values, UNlike Madonna. Pros: I can say I do yoga, and wear yoga pants! Cons: might have to see girls with hairy legs, which makes my heart hurt because they obviously don't understand femininity and their role in the plan, and even just imagining living without that makes me sad for them. No wonder they don't have husbands!! Sad! And when I get sad I meltdown. Which is why I need to focus on my Powell happiness. SUMMER and SUNSHINE and TANS and JJWT!! And my cute new swimsuit! It's a bikini, but a totally modest one, because I know who I am and how important that is! And we'll be on a way fun boat! And tons of cute pictures! And my hot new sunglasses! And fun tunes on my cute new pink ipod! Also, I hate materialism. It makes me cry.

77 comments:

Shauna said...

Maybe you need to go on another crash diet. And then every day you could blog about what you ate to keep you accountable! It totally works!!!

m. said...

I think if your ipod is pink that should be motavating enough to get out and run tons more. mine is grean and i see it sitting on my night stand and i get so pumped up to go running.

Adam and Kristina said...

You definitely don't want to be like Madonna now. Word on the street is that she and her Jordan/Jason/Wes/Taylor are getting a divorce. God is probably punishing her for her lack of values.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me but I just wanted to let you know that your blog is being passed around in E-mails because you are so ridiculous.

You need to get off your high horse and stop judging others. Live your life the way you want to and stop worrying about the choices others make in theirs.

And dont' say that you hate materialism and that it makes you cry because I have sat here and read your blog and all it is about is is you talking about your materialistic things you have in your life.

We know you think you are blessed but it comes off as being pompus and snotty.

You need to get a reality check and I feel really bad for your husband having to deal with you and your uptight personality.
And I feel bad for your bridesmaids, I know I would never be your friend.

Anonymous said...

I love this blog. and I love when others don't understand satire. I find this brilliantly enlightening. thanks.

Mona said...

I think Anonymous' comment just made my day.

Anonymous said...

"Seriously",
It is so good to see people like you making good decisions and standing up for your beliefs. That is why you are sooo blessed.

Thank you for being an example to the rest of us!

Anonymous said...

Good Example my eye! Unless you find pompous, holier than though, and judgmental good examples, then yeah-thanks for being a good example! Get over yourself!

Anonymous said...

You are one insane person! You are so judgmental and way too into yourself, you seem to have a low (very low) self esteem. I feel so bad for you. Like anonymos said.. get off your high horse! I keep thinking your blog is a joke because I can't believe there are such snotty, stuck up girls like you out there! I hope one day you can find that looks isn't everything! And do you even know what "Wearing the pants" means?

Abby said...

Wow. A lot of retarded people read your blog. It makes me cry.

Good job on the blog, by the way.

Anonymous said...

No.. people who live in the real world read her blog.

katie said...

your blog kicks ass

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Carl Spackler said...

I heard a lot of women in Sandy are getting breast implants. Is that true?

steph said...

oh dear. some people didn't get the memo...

Anonymous said...

Some of these commenters are so bitter. It makes me cry. Sometimes when I have thoughts like that I sing a hymn in my mind. "Let us Oft Speak Kind Words to Each Other" (Hymn 232) is a really good one. It always makes me feel better and more blessed.

Complication said...

adam and kristina -
You're so right! The only reason people get divorced is because they are being punished for their lack of values or some other seriously serious sin. I'm glad that someone totally understands.

AzĂșcar said...

You guys, Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole is like the BEST person and there is no way that she would ever be rude because seriously!!

I heard about a new diet from my sister's roommate at Ricks! You eat only chalk (has to be regular white because the color chalk has too many calories) and then drink lemonade with Cayann pepper and as many slices of deli ham as you want! IT seriously WORKSS!!

Anonymous said...

Ah, satire is seriously so hard to understand.

Is that Swift I hear rolling in his grave?

Sue said...

It's like a train wreck. A pretty, pretty, pretty pink train wreck.

And I can't stop watching.

Heh.

Bags said...

If only you weren't married... sigh. Ya win some, ya lose some.

Anonymous said...

azucar- you must not have been one of her bridesmaids

Turbo said...

I don't know which one is cooler; Lake Pal, or going to the mouw'ins. Hahahaha. Either way you should probably chill with the DC, if you understand your part in the plan, that is.

Anonymous said...

Ok this is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Whose idea was this? You got the Utah Stereotypes down to a tee. You aren't a zoobie by chance, are you? Way to go! Sounds like you got a lot of people really riled up!!!

i i eee said...

Oh Anonymous at 10:10 AM, please don't tell me you're that stupid.

You're the one who's being satirical now, right? RIGHT? If you're actually serious, and you don't know what satirical means, read the following:

Here's a tip, it's called Google. Go to google.com. In the little search field at the top type in the word "satire." Within less than a second (depending on your internet connection) a lot of different options will be magically displayed! Click on one of the options that the search has provided. Read the definition of satire, and then maybe you'll be able to figure out why this blog is being "passed around."

I'm hoping your comment was fake. If not, shame on you, and go back to school!

db said...

I feel so bad for Anonymous. Here. This may help.

luvin' life said...

To all those dumb anonymous people, you wish you were as COOL as US!!! But your not, because you drive hybrid vehicles and talk about "Change" all day. LICK MY ESCALADE'S TIRES and go get some hair extensions and join the real world, the world of the blessed!! We're way hot and you know it.

Seriously, we're way blessed.

Azucar, I've tried the chalk thing, it totally works. And if you don't know who I am by now I'll give you a SUPER DUPER hint, we had dinner last FRIDAY NIGHT. YOU GO GIRL! Keep up those wild diets!! 5 more lbs until HOT ABS!!!

Chelsea/Sarah/Emily/Ashley said...

Wow. Some people are so mean! I will totally pray for them to be happier. And obviously, get some dates. I mean, if boys don't like you, what else do you have?! I mean, a cute pink iPod and darling workout clothes will only take you so far.

PS: I will pray for you and your Diet Coke addiction, too.

daniel said...

Seriously the cutest thing about this blog is I know her!!! And she's just the cutest thing ever, and her blog is so spot on cute and sweet i get diabetic just reading about all their blessings.

Logan said...

I was playing Halo with JJWT the other night and he said you guys just got a Cocomotion hot chocolate maker! That is so neat! We use ours all the time. Wanna join my couples dinner group?

brandt said...

As a DH to a wonderful DW, I wanted to let you all know that JJWT is a wonderful husband, like me. But I'm just a little bit better than JJWT because I quit my Halo gaming group to spend more time with DW. She told me that one of her professors told her that gaming was an addiction on par with pornography, and she didn't want us to have to go to the bishop to discuss my gaming.

JJWT should quit his Halo group...it's the right thing to do

Anonymous said...

A little bitter, but funny.

Someone should make a satirical blog about the smug, intellectually self-righteous, I'm-not-a-Utah-Mormon, Mormons-can-be-Democrats, happy-people-are-fake type Mormons.

Ben said...

Ha ha. Stupid people that don't get jokes are funny to me.

Ashley is Blogalicious! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mar said...

This is great. That's all I can say.

Ripvanryan said...

You should go ice blocking and then watch "Man in the Moon". That always cheers me up when I'm feeling super sad.

Michael said...

One thing your blog is totally missing is a ridiculously long list of links to your super fun friends' AMAZING blogs in the sidebar! Blogs are the GREATEST!!

bitter democrat mormon and intellectual snob said...

the problem with making a satire blog of the intellectually snobbish mormons-can-be-democrats people is this:

who would write it?

presumably our arch nemesis, the always happy dumb republicans satirized on this blog.

and let's face it. they just don't have the brains

Anonymous said...

LOL, this is so funny.

Natalie said...

Wow...your readers really are stupid. And it makes me happy that they are reading this blog and THEN commenting and letting everyone know how stupid they really are.

Concerned Citizen said...

This is the same kind of lame satire that inflicted the LDS community with movies like "Singles Ward" and "RM."

Let's move on. Stereotyped LDS culture really isn't that funny.

kaytee and tadley jensen said...

Y'all, I'm so glad most of us are blessed enough to enjoy reading about the blessed lives of TAMN & JJWT and to GET! IT! It's way fun to read about the lives and insights of people who are living a similar experience. It totally validates everything, and I'm just so glad. Thank you, TAMN for being so banoodles (I LOVE THAT WORD! It's so right on!) inspirational.

danielle said...

Is funny cause its true...

Anonymous said...

"it's funny because it's true"

Ha ha ha ha ha! OMG... this blog has had me in stitches all day. It *IS* true, so start laughing!

Please keep on posting. This just made my day.

Shauna said...

Of COURSE Mormons can be Democrats. As long as they're not practicing then it's not a sin.

a. said...

Even though your blog is super cute, it could be even way cuter if you got some backgrounds from cutestblogontheblock. com. Just had to share!

jeri said...

AzĂșcar, I'm TOTALLY trying the chalk diet. Cuz, seriously, I like need help. You should all try it too.

Also, for the sarcastic/humor/satire-impaired "anonymous" (and believe me, if you're sarcastic/humor/satire-impaired, you DON'T know who you are) if Blessed bothers you so much, just leave, OK?

Anonymous said...

I especially like the blogs about potty-training-- maybe you could write about how seriously cute your niece was when she all-of-the-sudden potty-trained herself. I love reading details like that.

Sarah said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! I havent laughed this hard in sooo long, you totally remind me of my super cute/fun/beautiful/skinny neice! I love you guys! I wish i was as smart and funny as you to have come up with this stuff!

Anonymous said...

OK, I was right with most of these comments until someone wrote (I'm quoting) "ass". Seriously, can't you pre read these comments and edit? Some of us have virgin ears!

Undomestic Ice Queens said...

In am so confused now. Isn't the satire obvious? Is someone really so daft that they read this blog and took you seriously? Is THAT satire, too? It has to be...is anonymous making fun of all those people who get offended just for the sake of getting offended? Because if so, that's funny. If not, then I'm totally confused. No...it has to be a joke? Who is THAT stupid? WHO?
I need to call my VT for guidance.

IHOH said...

This blog makes me laugh and throw up in my mouth at the same time. Kind of a weird feeling/sensation/desire

Anonymous said...

you need to hurry and start a 2nd blog to advertise and sell your mediocre crafts

Jessie said...

I agree with the commenter above... I'd totally buy one of those tile boards from you. "Your" so good at crafts!

Anonymous said...

I love your blog! Oh if I had the time i would love to contribute. With your satire you have summed up the way I feel about my whole upbringing in several paragraphs. I can't stop laughing! Nice work.

Ashley is Blogalicious! said...

yes

Anonymous said...

This blog is great! Love the humor.

KT said...

Anonymous is kidding, right? RIGHT? Dear Anonymous, are you funny? Is the joke on us now? Let's be friends. We can learn how to play the guitar together, and maybe write inspirational songs that make us feel clean.

the Organized Mom said...

Just found you... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny! Thanks for the laughs!

Chelsea said...

OMG, I think I know about 25 girls who could Seriously so blessed, but the sad thing is that if one of the 25 was ssb, it wouldn't be satire, it would be actual thought!

Tish said...

You are awesome! I feel like you took the feelings right out of my mind and put them in your blog. Keep it up, it's hilarious.

b. said...

HOW DID I MISS THIS YESTERDAY?!?!

Ohhh......seriously, so funny!

Definitely a train wreck...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
MeganandClaudy said...

This is the best blog I've ever seen. Keep it up-it makes my day. Your writing is so clever and witty I almost pee my pants.

Anonymous said...

Seriously so BRILLIANT -- wonderfully written, and in the years to come, please post pix of all you're rugrats asleep in their car seats with ice cream smeared all over they're face because it's soooo cute. You know, having 8 kids all under 9 years of age is toatolly adorable, especially when their so into lime jello and your toddler girls carry sippy cups that match there hair bows. It just makes me cry, how cute that is.

Also, ask your profs at the "Y" to explain the use of commas in noun's, cuz its useful.

Seriously wishin you and JJWT a wonderful life.....Keep on bloggin
LOL ! Toatolly.

mushbelly said...

I think your blog is Super Dooper funny and I'm totally loving it. I feel Super blessed to have found it!

ktb said...

talk about entertainment!

Anonymous said...

There is no way this is a real blog. People this frighteningly hollow don't actually exist, do they? Please tell me this is a joke mocking people like shauna and adamandkristina. I dearly hope so. Otherwise the terrorists won . . .

Anonymous said...

My husband's ex-girlfriend is a lot like this. Her family newsletters are all about their FUN adventures and her husband's business school and how her kids are so annoying and get in the way of her fun activities.
He dumped her and married me, if that tells you anythingl

babe said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Look what I found! :) said...

http://www.blogger.com/profile/05987331245890576340

Shauna said...

"Please tell me this is a joke mocking people like shauna and adamandkristina."

Awesome.

Anonymous said...

I went on snopes.com and that chalk diet totally won't work. It's not even true. Better luck next time loser. Way lame.

Mommom said...

It took me forever to really get that this was satire as I read blogs of people I know that sound EXACTLY like this - but they're serious.

It's a little scary. Ok.. more than a little... and I'm not sure if some of them would get it either.

Julie said...

bitter democrat mormon and intellectual snob--that was the greatest comment ever.
And to the person who said something about people being intellectually self-righteous.... Is it being self-righteous to display your intelligence? No. We're just not covering it up in order to meet our super duper amazing husbands!! We want a real man who can deal with a smart woman.
And how dare you wear a bikini!! I just can't believe the morals of Mormon women nowadays!! You should go in the water wearing a turtleneck and sweats, so no man will be tempted by getting glimpses of your shoulders and calves. Selling those kinds of swimsuits should be your side job to help supplement your income!! I'd be first in line to by one!!

Anonymous said...

Holy crap this is too funny. I randomly found your blog and it makes me laugh so freaking hard. Guess the people dissing you are the ones that you are sarcastically dissing... *sigh* they really are ALL the same.

Mallory said...

Wow... this entire blog couldn't be any more painfully accurate... i'm sitting here all alone and I just laughed out loud. That doesn't happen very often. Pretty sure you hit the nial on the head.