July 30, 2008

The Down-There Doc

Worst! Morning! Ever! BUT whenever I'm sad, I'm actually happy because I know that by having drama, I am getting cooler, so it's like a sick win-win I don't really get, but i DO really love. But seriously, way hard experience this morning!

Tried to call the DTD (Down-There Doc) today to have a look at my darling fetus and got totally chewed out! Lame! Sad! Ew! When I called for an appt, I had to spell it out for the poor receptionist who bless her heart was NOT very sharp. I had to keep saying things like "I'm preggers!" and "Preggo my eggo!" and "My oven has a bun in it!" and "I'm nourishing JJWT's righteous seed in my fertile gardenbed!" til she FINALLY got it. THEN she started asking me grossss personal questions like when I had my last (.). I write this (.) instead of the actual word because I don't want to be disgusting. Why would she ask me that!? Sick! Anyways, I told her I was 3 weeks preggo and apparently that's "not" really "possible." TEARS! I visualized patience, then was all, look sweetie, I am DEFIANTLY preggers and NOT afraid to explain to you exACTly how I know. She was like, save the details for the doc! Oh my bratty! Apparently you can't go to the DTD til 10 weeks! TEN WEEKS! That's like half a pregnancy!!!

But other than that, things are PERFECT. Love you!

48 comments:

J-Dub said...

hang in there. the receptionist did not go to expensive doctor skool. pray that she may gain intelligence.

Dave and Catherine said...

How rude!

cheri said...

Don't worry--we all know your eggo IS preggo. not to be rude, but i can't believe you typed (.). i didn't expect that type of language, er, punctuation out of you. Gross!

Rebecca said...

What was that receptionist thinking?? It's okay you just go pamper your pregoed eggo! It will all be better tommorow!

Brittany said...

10 weeks?! That is FOREVER away, and like you said, basically 1/2 your pregnancy! You might as well not go to the DTD at all.

But then how will you share disgusting details about DT with people you hardly know? HOW WILL YOU ONE-UP WOMEN AT BABY SHOWERS AND IN RELIEF SOCIETY?!

Tim said...

Maybe you should consider some type of alternative medicine doctor. They tend to take much better care of you.
Of course, you'd have to pay for it out-of-pocket because insurance, for some reason, won't usually pay for it.

Julie said...

Have you even been to the DTD before??? I was able to get birth control without even getting an exam, which I was soooo excited about. That area's only for MY husband!! Yuck!!!!

Boomersooner said...

You had every right to be angry and upset! I mean, you are "DEFIANTLY" preggers after all!

SuzieQ said...

OMG! Like, I totally can't believe they didn't believe you! Like you would LIE about something like this????

Anyway, I was totally thinking that, OMG, i just cant stinking wait until you have your baby girl (we know its going to be a girl right? Because think of all the dresses and pink! Duh!) ANyway, can't totally wait until you have this baby girl and you and her become besties!!! And you will blog every day about how she is your bestest friend, just the best one you ever had and you can't believe how much of best friends you really are! I bet JJWT will get (gasp!) jealous because you and the precious little Amahndah or Justine or Jasonelle will be the best of besties ever!! PLUS I will be soooo jealous to know that you have the most best little girl, and that you two are besties and I will never have anything so special in my life. Ah... I just can't wait! So excited for you! Love you guys!

Melissa said...

OBVIOUSLY this woman was a no-Mo! If she had been, she totally would have felt your spirit AND the spirit of your fetus! Look for an LDS Doc who ONLY hires people of the faith! You'll be so glad you did!

Abby said...

OMG I am SO sorry that happened to you!!11! What an awful, awful woman. But we both know that the only reason she was ignert with you is because she is totally barren and will never be as righteous as you what with all your kids and her with nothing but herself and her crazy cats. She's just jellus. A totally fun pedi will totally cheer you up. (((((HUGS!)))))

Brittany said...

I agree with Melissa. You should make sure your DTD is a good member of the church.

And I'm SURE your DTD would have to be a woman too-- cause JJWT is sureasheck NOT going to allow another MAN to look DT!!! Aw, sweet!

TJ said...

Doesn't she know since you have the most awesome embryo it shouldn't have to wait till 10 weeks like all our less awesome selves? Seriously.

Adam and Kristina said...

I think if you had used the term that I love, "baby bump", she would have known exactly what you were talking about.

And a helpful tip is to look for garment lines when your DTD is feeling you up. That helped me once when my DTD asked why I was waiting to have children, a year after I was married, and asked if it was because I was wanting to buy a boat or a big house. I was SO happy to be having that conversation while my lady business was exposed.

Eat some cheesecake, and read the scriptures today, and by the scriptures, I mean "Twilight", and you'll start feeling better.

U-R-A-Q-T said...

I can't believe she couldn't hear how cute you are over the phone. She is just so not in tune with cuteness or else she would have never treated you like that. Time to find a new DTD with a receptionist that is receptive.

The Raybould Family said...

I can't believe she couldn't catch your drift. And 10 WEEKS?!! That's almost an eternity. The fetus will be almost all the way grown by then!

Amy said...

so wrong. i cannot believe she wouldnt make you an appointment for like, TODAY, so you can see your darling fetus... so wrong. hang in there... 10 weeks is only a few short weeks away.

Rebecca said...

Hee hee, I have also been "DEFIANTLY preggers" before. Three times, actually.

I had a dream last night that I was.

Allison Hill said...

I totally know how you feel!!!! Last time I was defiantly preggers I had almost the same exact conversation with the DTD, and I was even 1 week farther than your cute self. I switched DTDs IMMEDIATELY!!! I was super happy I did. You don't want someone who's not in tune with the spirit DT!!

Renee said...

OMGosh You do NOT deserve such treatment. You should have told her twins run in your family (you know, how you're great aunt's roommate was a twin?). She probably would have made the appointment right away.

The other me said...

You have to call her back right now and make her understand how you MUST see the DTD immediately and have him tell you that it is a girl because you simply must start to collect as many pretty bow things to stick on her head ( if she doesn't have hair) so she will be preshus and pretty and perfect. The idea that you could have a boy that would ewww, get dirty and like mud and stuff, can't happen, I am sure of that.

Al G. said...

Dear TAMN: I've started reading your blog for ten minutes each day because it brings me such supernal joy. By the way...where did that word 'supernal' come from? I only started hearing it about 5 years ago and only in April and October...keep being your perfect self!

Jessica said...

You are so TOTALLY brave. Just think, at least you don't have to wear that icky paper gown for another 7 weeks. So uncomfy and ugs!!!!

Marrdy said...

You need to have a GNO with your mommy. She needs to hug and kiss and nurture you. She totally understands how mean that rotten, rude receptionist is. How nosy can you get?

Megz said...

The hired help can be so lame sometimes. Hey, doesn't your dad and your DTD share a houseboat at Powell? Maybe daddy can bring up how she totally caused a hormonal fluctuation and you can get her fired. Or just reassigned to cleaning bathrooms or something. You're too sweet to actually get someone fired no matter how pervy they are being.

Mel said...

Maybe you should go to one of the 3-D ultrasound places. You could see how way-cute your little fetus is before the DTD!

Ally said...

What, no mention of "baby dust" or "doing the baby dance"? How can you be sure you are with child if you haven't been sprinkled with the dust or done the dance a la offspring?

I was hoping you could get in to the doc sooner, because YOU knowing that you've gained weight instead of just ME HOPING that you've gained weight is a crucial turning point. Of course, I still love you and all, so, you know, NO OFFENSE and ALL THE BEST.

My capris are tight.

Love,
The Token Fat Friend

Beccamon said...

At my DTD they make you meet with the nurse practitioner first, who looks at you like you are too fat/young/naive to be preggo-even though in the 6 weeks you waited AFTER making the soonest available appointment with her and not the DTD you have been throwing up every house. I mean for real now, if I want an annual exam I would have asked for it, instead we will hear the heartbeat because at this point I am 12 weeks along.

Allison Harris said...

OMG I went to the DTD a few months ago and she was so crude! I couldn't even believe it! Right in front of the nurses and everyone, she tossed out all these gross words like "vagina" and "cervix". It totally drove the spirit away. i wanted to cover my ears and sing primary songs to myself!

rachael said...

"There's a bun in my oven!" is the funniest thing ever, (.)

Alida Bowles said...

OMGosh...gosh cause I would never take the Lord's name in vain but anyways...I totally love this blog...THANK YOU!!!

Nik "the BoyWonder" said...

screw the doctor get a midwife she will understand you better!

*MARY* said...

Sorry Tamn I just don't get it. I mean why do you have to go to the Down There Doc anyway? What do your feet have to do with being prego? When my womb was a flutter I saw an obgyn. I think that's what you should do too.

Char and Trent said...

You poor thing. I hate the DTD. Blegh. On the brightside.. Cheesecake is $1.50 a slice at C.F. today! Love it!

Dirty Fingernails said...

TAMN,
Bless your heart. I am so very thankful my eternal family has been completed(no more spirit children waiting for their temples) and I no longer have to bare my soul to the DTD. Look towards the heavens for patience, since this pregnancy will seem like unto an eternity. Start making your casseroles for yourself to freeze, so in case your V.T. can't get you a "dish" right after you are home, you are totally prepared. Also start your year supply of diapers. Continue to sing Carry On daily to help you through this tumulutous time.
Peace Out!
Sister Back Away from the Mom Jeans

Madison Envy said...

Sorry she was so rude! But think only 7 more weeks until you can go to the DTD!!!

Peter V. Hilton said...

TAMN--

As always, amazing. I'm running the risk of reviewing your blog on mine--all good words, believe you me.

Keep at it!

Bella said...

omg! i totally understand. i went to the dtd this week, too! it is the worst! just keep a positive outlook because your baby knows if you are stressed!!! 10 weeks will get in...like....7 weeks!!!!

brenda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Token Asian Friend said...

Visualizing you visualizing patience makes me happy.

Abby said...

I'm a nurse and even I hate the DTD! You should find out which doctor every other preggo person in your ward (all 99 of them) goes to so you can all share stories of the incompetant staff. That would REALLY bring you closer together as a RS.
MaYbE you could start an enrichment group too with prenatal step aerobics. Wouldn't that just be too cute- all those pregnant mommies feeling the burn? Or is that heartburn? Or the spirit since you're all sisters in the gospel and getting to share this *AMAZING* time of your lives together?

ukyankoz said...

OMGosh, Tamn, I am SERIOUSLY so happy for you! I just wish I was as richtus as you, becaues my oven isnt working so I have too see the DTD SO much! I just hope I can folow you're exampel and be more richtus so I can be blesed with a bun! Love ya girl!

Amy said...

This is the absolutely biggest waste of your time. You have a sad life. I am not a member of your church but how can you sit here and make fun of people for how they are. Worry about your life and stop interfering with others happiness.

esprout said...

Amy, this is quite a happy life here, and there's such a thing as tongue-in-cheek. As with others who read this blog and don't like it, well, you're each a click away from being somewhere else, and no harm done. It makes us giggle, probably because we recognize that it's a part of our culture, and we're guilty of many of these things ourselves (check out the Deseret News article where TAMN admits she shares some of the characteristics of those she spoofs). It's all just silly stuff. No one says that the writers of "Pirated Penzance" are sad and have no life when they spoof "Pirates of Penzance." As such, those of us who laugh here probably are well-versed in the origin of the jokes, so we're kind of given license to chuckle at it. It's all in good humour, but may not be funny to you. That being said, you don't necessarily have a higher plane to stand on when you put others down--the author and all the readers here in your comments.

TAMN, wonder blog. Peter v. Hilton, I *have* blogged about it--right after the first time I stopped here! The floating fetus is casting baby-dragon magic over this blog and I hope it never leaves.

NW Harbert's said...

I am preggers too and I just saw my DTD. Luckily I was able to see my baby blob on a screen. I told the DTD I was worried about how I was not feeling very prego. I was only 8 weeks when he saw me.

MK and Co. said...

Did you tell that sassy little receptionist that you have already gained 1/2 a lb. and that ONLY being preggo could make such a thing happen.

jamie said...

ewww that Amy chick must be SERIOUSLY pmsing...

Brian and chelsea said...

This is the first post ever that actually made me LOL. I just visualized some girl on the phone saying things like "preggo my eggo!" Laughing just writing that!
THANKYOU TAMN! I rillyrilly needed a good laugh today.

And Jamie - right on. Amy is a bit frumpy.