July 2, 2008

personal improvement

Hey everybody! Happy July! I am way into improving myself, so I wanted to set some meaningful goals and let all my friends know about them so we don't take one single second of SUMMER for granite.

mY gOaLs:


  1. Eat better and definitely less.
  2. Compliment one ugly person each day. This will make them fill SUPER good since they prolly have low self-esteem and never get attention.
  3. Go on a fun vay-cay. Vay-cays are great to DE-STRESS from my crazy-busy life!!
  4. Pray for others to find as much happiness as I have, exspecially darling Deanna on The Bachelorette. I am excited and disappointed all at the same time! I mean, is Jesse or Jason seriously marriage material, Deanna?!? I am worried about her now that she sent Gram home, and seriously can’t handle it if she has to stay single. BLECH! SO greatful for prayer.
  5. Read anything Oprah tells me to.
  6. Put a cute card (made with Stampin' Up! products) on my mirror that says "The most important things in life aren't things" in a really darling way.
  7. Shop til I can't help but drop! This is SUCH a fun way to bond with my mom. She pays for everything AND we get the same things since she loves to "dress young" and hasn't come to grips with the fact that she's 20 years older than me!
  8. Give to others. For example, I will try to give one box of cute shoes to the sweet homely girl I visit teach. She NEVER has cute shoes and I have tons that I don’t wear anymore because they’re from last year so out of style, but like she’ll even know that.

52 comments:

Shauna said...

I TOTALLY want to read all the Oprah books. Maybe we should start a BOOK CLUB!!! And we'll ONLY read the books that Oprah recommends!!!! FUN!!!!

Turbo said...

It's like, I want to compliment ugly people too, and it makes me feel good for a sec. But then I feel bad, because inside my heart, I know my compliment was a lie. So now I just try to avoid eye contact with ugly people.

khrysstull said...

I just wanted to thank you for complimenting me.

It makes us Ug-os fill like maybe one day, we too can reach our full potential by being married. One day. One day. (But only if he has a boat and a 4-willer.)

Anonymous said...

Oh no! Not Oprah! She's, like, TOTALLY against Christianity! Haven't you seen this: http://www.crossroad.to/articles2/007/smith-oprah.htm

OMGosh... you CAN'T be a good Mormon AND follow Oprah!

In other news, your blog is the best thing to happen to the modern LDS wife since Beck's "Women who know," talk.

Thank goodness we have you sharing your daily life and tribulations with us!

(*tear* Seriously, this is the best blog EVER. Don't stop. PLEASE. I might die a little inside.)

Adam and Kristina said...

I'm totally worried about DeAnna too! I hope she picks Jason, because she'd be a great mommy, even though she's not Mormon. Hmmm, since she's not Mormon, I guess she'll only be a good mommy. You know how it is!

And you are so Christlike to give away a pair of shoes to someone less fortunate than you! I think I will take after your example and do the same. I have a million cute shoes. I am so freakin' blessed.

Jason & Jen said...

I love your blog. Please tell us who you are. Puhhhhleeeeze! I'm a forever fan. I'm off to squeeze my perfect attorney husbands butt & get some errands ran. I SO can't wait for the Bachelorette....For real. You know you love it!

Anonymous said...

You should totally add a new goal - to set up a photography studio in your basement and try to become a "professional" photographer, JUST because your husband bought you a digital camera and you installed Picasa on your computer. Seriously, every young Mormon wife is doing it! You don't even have to be talented at all, you just need to hang some sheets in the basement and make a SUPER CUTE website and link to it through your blog! Hooray!!

gurrbonzo said...

I don't want to take anything for "granite," either. The kicker is that sometimes Oprah DOES have good recommendations, and I AM worried about Deanna, and I DO like vaycays. Perhaps we're not so different after all...are you my visiting teacher?

Mar said...

I don't know if you are Gurrbonzo's VT but I totally wish you were mine because you could teach me how to be SO FLIPPIN' CUTE!

the Organized Mom said...

Favorite line... "SUMMER for granite." You have to spell definitely like definately someday too. :) That is seriously a pet peeve of mine. Everyone is so gosh darn defiant these days.

Complication said...

I am expecially greatful for my vay-cay which I will not take for granite.

So Beautiful! said...

Oprah also likes Barak Obama, so she can't be a good role model to listen to.

You can take anything Mitt Romney says as scripture though...I heard a rumor through my wife's dad's mother's friend that Mitt is going to be the next apostle! How blessed would we be to have him be an apostle! She said she heard that from a very good source, so it must be true!

Anonymous said...

You don't have to eat less, you just have to buy a Body Bugg! You totally don't have one yet?! EVERYONE at my gym has one. I was SUCH a tubby until I got mine. It totally helped me loose my 5 pounds SOO fast! We all chipped in and got my old maid friend one. Hopefully she can loose her weight fast and then get married to a hottie like mine! It might be harder for her though, she has to loose like 7 whole pounds!

Eliza said...

wow I don't know who you are and you don't know who I am, but you are dang funny. thanks for the entertaining read.

Lyndsay said...

I don't mean to be presumptuous, but shouldn't one of your goals be to start making some crafts to sale on the internets?
Also, I'd like to see more pics of the gifts your husband gives you (that there is no possible way he could afford without parental help): cars, vacations, etc.

Kylee said...

OMG can we be friends on our blogs? I will check yours EVERYDAY...Promise!!! Sometimes I even put up spiritual messages so that everyone that visits my blog feels so totally blessed too!

K, I laughed my buns off.
This blog is too good to be true.
Nice slap in the face, too. Thanks for reminding me to chill out and try not to up one on my perky friends. :)

Anonymous said...

Well this is one of the strangest blogs I have ever come across. I sure hope that you don't think that all Mormons act this way. Some of us are normal you know!! It's too bad that a lot (not everyone though) of people in Utah (and other places) get so wrapped up in "Keeping Up With The Jones'". Life is much too short for that!!

Ally said...

I was making righteous, procreating love with my eternal companion just before I read this list. It truly brightened my day in all the right ways and OMG, in all the right places! LOL!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I understand that this blog is a joke, and I do appreciate all the humor and whatnot, but the fact is, you're still taking the time to do a blog and act like all the young mormon mom bloggers, just to make fun of them. If you think they're so lame, I think you could find a better use for your time.

Anonymous said...

Just thought I would take some time to tell you what a waste of time this blog is.

Aaah...wait for it...yes! There it is, the sweet release of passing anonymous value judgments. Now, back to the sltrib.com message boards...

Jess said...

Some people deserve to be made fun of. They have enough other blessings. They can handle it. :)

Heather said...

Come on! How do you know she's NOT a young mormon blogger, poking fun at HERSELF? Just open a diet coke and chill out.

Anonymous said...

Who's making fun of who? I don't get it?

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't mind being married to a girl like this, because she's happy and spunky all the time and would probably put out all the time.

Anonymous said...

A friend recommended your blog and I must say you've made me laugh! I think every young/naive LDS couple should read this and ask themselves just how ridiculous they themselves are.

Very creative, bravo, bravo.

Craig said...

I'm not saying this to skim off your readers, but all my friends think that I write "Seriously, So Blessed." Which you know that I don't.

Help me prove it to them.

Somehow.

YOu're smart. YOu'll think of something.

Craig said...

ALso, I think this blog is genius and i'm "hell of" flattered they are accrediting it to me.

Sheridan said...

This blog makes me laugh! :) But as someone who often forgets to shave her legs, I am a little offended. ;)

Ashley is Blogalicious! said...

If you're giving shoes away, can I please nominate you as my visiting teacher? I pray for it. Amen.

b. said...

What size shoes do you where?


(I no. I can't stay away. It's like theirs too of me.)

Julie said...

I was waiting for the people to comment when they got all offended. It's a joke, yes, but newlywed Mormon girls actually write like this all the time! I've wanted to do something like this, but I've been too lazy. Thanks for making my dream a reality haha.

Natalie said...

You are so wise to follow Oprah! I bet you are going to vote like her too! She would like, never lead you astray!

Anonymous said...

Ok so I had to just say that I think this is hilarious and i am a newlywed mormon girl. It's not offensive because most of the time the funniest things are the truest. Just because it's so typical doesn't mean it's a bad thing either I guess as long as people are happy more power to them no matter what they do and how cheesy it may be!

American Yak said...

This blog is SERIOUSLY, SO WRONG! but in such a seriously blessed way.

I can't get enough.

Julie P said...

Holy crap this is fabulous. As was this comment:

"Aaah...wait for it...yes! There it is, the sweet release of passing anonymous value judgments. Now, back to the sltrib.com message boards..."

Kate said...

I found this today and laughed hysterically. I thought you were exaggerating quite a bit, so I poked around on some friends of friends blogs. You weren't making it up. Or even exaggerating. Wow.

Kevin and Natali McKee said...

I love twilight!!!

Anonymous said...

oh my....PLEASE keep writing.

b. said...

Ok, I just realized I've been sitting here for 20 minutes listening to your bloggeriffic play list.

There is no hope.

Natalie Barratt said...

Thank you for your blog. It made my day. I like to compare Utah blogs to continuous Christmas cards all year long...so horrible! Oh, and aren't you just so excited for the twilight movie??? :)

Anonymous said...

Craig, get over yourself. Nobody thinks it's you.

Mark said...

This blog is genius. My wife and our friends fit plenty of the cliches being mocked here...so I guess we can just laugh at ourselves and enjoy your brilliant take on us. "Seriously" hilarious. Keep them coming.

On the other hand, I'm hoping this writing is born of your creative genius, writing skill, and humor- as opposed to being the rant of an ugly bitter fat chick that is writing these posts between gallons of rocky road and/or cookie dough ice cream and marathon readings of dooce.com, wishing you could be as angry and clever as that chick.

KT said...

People are actually making a Twilight movie? Am I in hell?

Katie said...

So, I spent the morning reading friend's blogs and (admittedly)wondered if something was wrong with me that I don't have a million pics of GNOs, pedis and WAY FUN vay-cays. Then I found your blog and laughed all day. Thank-you so much for the lift. If we can't laugh at ourselves....

nate said...

i'm just like you, i never want to take anything for granite. pinky promise we'll never do that?

Anonymous said...

mark, you're right. only people as cute/cool as you and your friends should have the right to poke fun at you.

everyone knows that "bitter fat chicks" lack any writing talent, creativity, or humor.

Erin The Great said...

You guys are hysterical! I also like to make fun of Mormon culture... if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at right? I love that you have many anonymous comments telling you what a waste of time your blog is... you think they'd have enough balls to leave their names... I'd also like to bring up the fact of comments in general. Which is more pointless? Reading a blog that you deem 'a waste of time' or taking the time to comment on a blog that you deem 'a waste of time'... think about anonymous.

Anonymous said...

Like, OMG there is a pee in my pants I'm laughing so hard!!!

Chelsea said...

i feel bad for you...you must be living in a married student ward in provo to have all this hilarious material! maybe this is the only way you're surviving. keep it up!

i haven't read all the posts yet to completely be up-to-date, but you need to put in somewhere about how all the young Mo' moms tell their kids things are cacca. last i checked cacca meant s*** in espanol. i guess when we swear in other languages, it's okay, right?

Colleen said...

Okay, this post got me. I'm a fan. You are officially subscribed to. :)

jessica said...

I seriously love you for this blog.

Cody and Hanna said...

is this blog for real?