July 9, 2008

the pwr of positive thinking!

Hey guys!! Since barfing is soooo disgusting and can stain my perfectly white teeth over time (learned that the hard way from the old binge'n'purge in HS :)), I do NOT want to puke my guts out just because I'm preggers. Soooo, I am utilizing THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING to bring me the best pregnancy EVER! That's the secret!!! I have been visualizing a puke-free prego experience from day one (last weekend) and the universe is sending it to me! I HAVEN'T BARFED ONCE THE WHOLE TIME I'VE BEEN PREGNANT! Yessss! I want to empower my body and soul to be problem-free and perma-giddy by only thinking good thoughts. I have been avoiding negativity (you know, boring things like chapter books and scarry current events) and only thinking about good, happy, AWESOME things like fro-yos, pedis and holiday-themed kitchen towels. In return, the universe rewards me with MORE happy things, like babies, doing good at candle selling and Pal trips. It's just like that quote, I forget who said it, Ghandi or elts Marie Osmond, I can't remember, "Men are that they might have joy." Way true! I like that one. Love quotes!

I also don't want to turn into a tubbalard while I'm prego, so I am avoiding all chubbies. Slim is as slim hangs out with, right!? I hate to judge, so I'm sticking with the facts here...it is, after all, the LAW of attraction, and laws don't change. I mean, look at gravity!

58 comments:

Anonymous said...

Power of positive thinking TOTALLY helps with depression too.

Dave & Catherine said...

Hilarious! It's all about "The Secret"! Oprah knows what she's talking about.

Anonymous said...

Are you sure you aren't just gonna miss your period because you are like way skinny? I think it's called amenharea or something. I think they call it that because who wants to have a period anyway so you are all "Thanx, god, for taking my period away, because I am like awesomely skinny and don't eat enough. AMEN."

Ally said...

I heard that cookies are way crooshal for fedal development. Also, you should start ordering burritos instead of salads at Cafe Rio.

Love,
The Token Fat Friend

Adam and Kristina said...

It sounds like you may have been busy binging and purging during seminary too, but Marie Osmond is close enough.

And your plan sounds excellent, because you really don't want to be one of those fat pregnant women. You may be eating for two, but you can pretend you're eating for the Olsen twins, so you only need 350 calories a day. Good luck!

Megan Griffin said...

Make sure you don't drink any caffeinated beverages while you are prego! I hear it TOTALLY causes AUTISM!

brunette east coast cousin said...

Good luck with your baby!!!!! Don't forget to think positive every single minute, or else the baby might not be healthly, or even the gender you prefer!!!! How smart to include the picture of the swimming embryo for all of us to see. ;)

Made you could try some belly dancing classes or pole dancing lessons to help keep the weight off. This could also prevent the "sizzle from fizzle!"

Keep blogging! You're the best!

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

You are SO going to show the world how getting fat and being pregnant don't have to go together! I mean, like what's the point of having kids if you actually have to sacrifice for them and stuff?

As for the barfing, I really think your plan is going to work...wait, I just barfed a little in my own mouth...Hint: don't look too closely at the floating baby. Eew!

The Raybould Family said...

Eat nothing but celery and you should be fine, I'm sure. And I totally agree... puking is so unflattering.

khrysstull said...

I will refrain from posting any scarry current events. I want you to be a puke-free, perfect prego girl!

Spencer said...

Do you guys know if there any Etsy shops that sell giant Gerbera daisy headbands for fetus' (feti?). My baby just looks so nakers in the womb.

Anonymous said...

OMG you know what i'm so excited for!? Is when you are like, totally 6 months preggers, and you still just have a small baby bump and you take pics of yourself where you can BARELY even see the baby bump, and you're like "OMG! How emberassing that DH took this picture my belly is SO big I must be having twins! OMG My belly is just huge! I promise it's all baby! But wow I just look so big and i'm so totally emberassed of this pitcher! (even though i'm still WAY thinner than my sisters who are also in the pic, and not preggers)"

Ah yes, I can't WAIT for that post!! Love you!

Jason and Kate said...

Too bad you didn't conceive while you were on your vacay in Pal... then you totally could have bnamed it Powell. I love when people broadcast where they concieved.

Benjamin said...

Check out this apartment listing:

http://provo.craigslist.org/apa/745922258.html

I didn't know your sister was renting out a room! I am TOTALLY going to have my sister call about moving in. She has the cutest stuff and loves dogs.

PMJG said...

OMG! I just read a book about The Law of Attraction!
That's great news about the not puking, though. Take care of yourself, and be careful about the water you drink!

Anonymous said...

Aaah, BEAUTIFULLY stated, Jeff.

Anonymous said...

I decided there is NOTHING more obnoxious and over-used than the phrase "All because 2 people fell in love." That shit annoys me.

M said...

Jeff...Wow. Profound insights. You are the man. I ditto every single thing you said. Well done.

Brother on a mission said...

Wow. Fur reals guys, I am so glad you are living the plan and getting the blessings promised. You should see how sad people are out here without the plan. At first, It was kinda scary going into these peoples houses and seeing cofee makers and bottles of wine in the kitchen. I mean who does that? I know that with every door I knock on, my future wife is getting hotter by going to Golds (if her Mom drops her off because she's probably only 15 right now)and not eating. That thought keeps me going out here.

Julie said...

I started using the power of positive thinking, and five minutes later, my future husband called me for our first date!!! It totaly works!!! Way to get the message out there!

missbritt said...

omg - that apartment listing was amazing - i love this blog with every fiber of my being!

Anonymous said...

Jeff completely nailed it. What strikes me as funny is that these girls/women may never seem to "get" what they are doing or get that they are bragging their guts out. It should embarrass them! But it doesn't. I wonder what they'll do if someone does that "Gag or Brag Patrol" blog mentioned in one of the post's comments. I think it would wake them up, but just for a minute and then they'd just sigh, put down their diet coke or Serendipity's frozen peanut butter hot chocolate "luv ya!" and go back to whitening their teeth.

andrew said...

You know what makes funny things less funny? When people begin trying to explain what makes it funny.

So Jeff and crew, knock it off. Just sit back and enjoy the satire.

Cari said...

Yeah, good point, Andrew. I actually thought it was nice to know why it's all so funny (explained better than I could have put it by these other people). Now we've got that figured out, let's get on with keepin' it funny!

Melissa said...

Girl, you rock! If you want, I will use my own power of positive thinking to help you out! I'm really really good at it! You should see how amazing MY life is!

JJWT said...

Hey guys. I normally don't read the wife's blog, but I thought I'd drop in since she's sharing the big news.

I wish all you all would follow TAMN's example and just love one another and stuff, like Jesus said.

Unless of course the person is a fattie. Then you should just ignore them. Right babe?

WonderKitty said...

I hope that the not puking thing is because of the positive thinking and that *gasp* you aren't pregnant! Cause that would like totally suck! Cause you are so blessed to be so positive that you conceived that you didn't even NEED to take a prego test! Go positive thinking!

Anonymous said...

Jeff makes it sound as though a "disgusting display of materialism, perfection (so-called, they are hiding the real facts) and pride" is specific to native born Utahns. Keeping up with the Jones' happens everywhere my friend. If you've lived outside of Utah, then you know it.

MOL said...

I actually went back and read every single one of the posts on my blog fearing that I may have sounded remotely like these other Mormon gals (after all I am a Mormon gal blogger). Yeah, I might have occasionally and I am ashamed and embarrassed and I'm considering deleting the whole entire thing. Thanks for the satire Ser-So-Ble and helping us ask ourselves the hard questions...for instance, what is the true intention & purpose of our blog...? Hmmmm. Also Bro-On-A-Mis that was hysterical.

Anonymous said...

Funny you should say that, anon. I've lived in Utah about 3 years now and have NEVER seen so much *keeping up with the Jonses* as I have here in Utah.

heather q said...

Guys!! It's Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole's blog and I can't imagine she would 'ppreciate being psychoanalyzed or her stompin' grounds being mocked. This isn't against Mormon women or Utah or whatever. Materialism makes her cry! She's just trying to think positive! Just kick back to her rocking playlist and read the damn vampire books already. DON'T FIGHT IT.

Good quote, TAMN. I love quotes too!

Nik "the BoyWonder" said...

This one is classic...enuff sed!

Ashleigh/Taelor/Keilie/Emma said...

Don't forget to keep up on the trendy Foods To Avoid List. I think this week you're supposed to avoid deli meats, yellow, pale yellow and slightly-not-white cheeses, soy bi-products, broccoli and milk from cows milked on odd days.

Anonymous said...

Oh my heck- you have got to start thinking of a baby name so you can totally decorate the nursery with crafts and dried twigs!
If it's a girl it has GOT to be something like Brynlee, Kaycee, Chelsea, or Abby. If it's a boy, Cayden, Brayden, or Hayden!!
Congrats! I hope you have, like, ten baby showers and spend hundreds of dollars at Motherhood Maternity!!

Anonymous said...

Oh my heck- you have got to start thinking of a baby name so you can totally decorate the nursery with crafts and dried twigs!
If it's a girl it has GOT to be something like Brynlee, Kaycee, Chelsea, or Abby. If it's a boy, Cayden, Brayden, or Hayden!!
Congrats! I hope you have, like, ten baby showers and spend hundreds of dollars at Motherhood Maternity!!

Janelle said...

OMG!!! You've totally read "The Secret" too. Isn't Oprah amazing?!?! She can pick out the BEST books EVER for us to read!!

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

Mol,
Please don't delete your posts...It's ok to occasionally have these fun and fluffy posts, as long as that's not your whole blog. I do love how this blog makes us all re-evaluate why we blog, like you said.

And TAMN, thanks for the awesomeness that is Seriously, So Blessed. You Rocketh! (ps-thanks for doing the comments in pop-up form...it's so much better)

Anonymous said...

I think it is sad that some of you are taking this to a mean level. It is meant to be funny. We should laugh at ourselves & not be so rude about other's blogs. I think it would be sad if everyone went private, because now they feel that they can't be themselves. Is it odd to believe that there are women out there that are truly happy with their spouse and children? I'm sorry if someone having a happy life disgusts you, Greg or other commenter's! I would rather be able to get on my blog and focus on the positive and not be a "too cool" mormon like some of these lame ass commenter's. The author of this blog is hilarious, but some of the commenter's are dumb! Yep, that's right you are dumb. Bring it!!!!!!

-seiously so blessed fan, but not a fan of dumb comments.

Jason & Jen said...

Yeah right above commenter.... My 80 year old Grandma Allen just told me the other day that her grandkids blogs keep her going because she doesn't get many visitor's. She said she loves to see what is going on. So, blog on fellow blogger's. Grandma's everywhere are loving the cheesy posts.

jenica said...

will you please blog about how perky your boobs are because your husband was so totally sweet and bought you some for his birthday!?! that would be totally rocking. because plastic surgery is totally hawt.

Jenn said...

My sister told me about this blog and I'm so glad she did! We love to have a good laugh about some people's braggy blogs and this one is a gem! Luckily, I can laugh at what I see in myself too- yes, I've read the Twilight series but I also feel guilty for buying greeting cards instead of stamping my own cute creations. Thanks for the great satire! I will be reading regularly.

Hosander said...

Tomorrow is your anniversary! Can you please post a picture for every day you've known each other and tell us all how incredibly wonderful your wedding was and how it all fits in to the plan!?

momodafoxes4 said...

awww..keep up the positive thawts girlee! Even though morning sickness doesn't usually present itself for another 6 weeks or so...getting a head start can't hurt!

SAHM: Surviving Assorted Home Mayhem said...

I would totally love to see you do some Q & A! I mean, all of us are prolly dying to ask some questions. How 'bout it?

Kirsten J said...

Maybe for your one year anniversary post, you could post some wedding pics showing how you wore tennis shoes or flip flops with your wedding dress. You have always been ~*zAnY*~ and ~*~CoNtRaDiCtOrY~*~ like that.

Molly said...

The anonymous comment a few back may have been the "dumbest" comment I have ever read. The idea of going private because they can't "be themselves"? Ummm, isn't that the point of this particular blog...to completely and utterly mock how over-the-top and desperate some people are for attention & approval? I truly believe that there really are happy and secure people out there...they are just happy and secure enough that they don't have to advertise it in blog format for everyone (hopefully!) to see. Go ahead and give lonely Granny something to see & read, but is it possible to do it without all the other crap? And did you really say "bring it"? Now that's sad.

cheeze said...

Molly, I take issue with a couple of the points you “attempted” to make.

First, it is my experience and is well documented by professionals that the people doing the mocking are the ones seeking approval and attention. Just so I am clear about your point: are you saying that the people being mocked are the ones that are desperate for approval and attention? Has it never crossed your mind that they are truly cheesy? Of course not because you appear to be egotistical enough to assume that because you don't understand, like, appreciate, or approve of these types of blogs that there must be something wrong with those people i.e., they are desperate for attention. Is that really your point?

Second, the point of this particular blog is not to specifically mock individuals. Don’t believe me? Maybe you will believe the creator of this blog who wrote a comment to the previous post saying:

“Hey guys! Love you! Reminder: if you want to post funny portions of some of blogs that are JUST LIKE MINE (super cute, super fun), fine, but if you post links to actual blogs I am totally deleting them. Funny portions, cool, sending strangers to mock my BFFs personal sites, not cool. JJWT and me heart you!!”

Apparently you understand the point of this blog better than the creator. When I said “bring it,” I thought I was encouraging responses from people who would think about it before they responded. News flash—you failed to bring it.

dharvey said...

Oh, these mean old jerks like Jeff and the other fault-finders just make me want to cry ! They're many times more self-righteous and critical than any Mormon woman blogger I've ever read. And their messages "why do we forget the cycles of prosperity of the BoM.."oh PUHLEEZE ! Get a LIFE !

Mormon women bloggers are doing exactly what they have been trained to do since birth. They are honoring and praising their husband and children. They are reflecting family values as they were taught at YW. They are facing the future with optimism and hope. They are trying to do this in a creative and unique way, within the very narrow roles that the church has allowed for them.

If they weren't concerned for their appearance, we'd have the men on here criticizing them for "letting themselves go." Women are constantly judged by men for their appearance -- why wouldn't women worry about their diets or the way they look? Why wouldn't they take pride in their children or in the accomplishments or attention from their husband? I say to Jeff and all the other mean people here -- LIGHTEN UP. You don't get it. This is meant to be a fun, satirical blog which pokes gentle humor. The writer is clearly very talented - and
lots of fun to read.

Molly said...

Thanks for setting me straight, Cheeze. You've caused me to curl up in the fetal position (Hey! kind of like TAMN & JJWT's fetus that I'm already totally in heart with!) Anyway, you have magically lightened me up. Thanks Cheeze! Next time I just won't mess with the anonymous "bring it".

the white house said...

Reading the comments on here are worse (almost) than reading the comments on KSL articles.

I agree that SSB is totally amazing and super cute and awesome.

The comments are sometimes not very blessed and ultra lame.

Let's not bash people! Positive thinking 4Ever!!

U-R-A-Q-T said...

Totally fur real white house! Hey, do you know the prez cuz that would be so cool if you do. I thought cheeze was supposed to be nice and seriusly yummy melted on nachos and things, not kind of mean and ultra lame. SSB keep rockin and doin your thing cuz you are SUPER COOL!

CHEEZE said...

CheeSe is super yummy melted on nachos and casseroles! CheeZe is still yummy but with a little spice. SSB totally rocks. Cheeze would just like everyone to know that beeing cheesey is really not a horrible thing and we do not need to poke fun of real people's blogs. It's just not nice. Nice comment Dharvey!!!

KT said...

Have you ever fallen asleep while watching The Secret only to be woken up at 2am by the creepy music at the beginning? It will really freak you out.

Brittany said...

Are we all done being in fights? I hate it when we fight.

the white house said...

Ya, no more fightz!
u-r-a-q-t
I totally know the Prez...I'm in the depths of despair that he isn't going to be "in office" anymore (I guess he is moving?) I dunno. I don't really get all that political junk. I just LOVE MY LIFE!!!

Jake & Victoria Elder said...

if you barf alot due to "morning sickness" you will stay thin!! I think that is a positive thought!

LifeOnaPlate said...

punches self in face

Angela Henrie said...

Just remember what HE said, "I didn't say it would be easy, just worth it! You go girl, you're the best!