August 5, 2008

heart 2 heart, part deux

Hi everybody!! Since way to many of you FREAKED when I posted a teensy-tiny spoiler last time, guess what, dishing about Breaking Dawn and how Edward finally dies will just have to wait...JUST KIDDING, HE DOESN'T DIE! Or does he?? Anyways, I still have more of your Qs to A...sorry it's taken me forEVER, just superbusy with my way fun life/errands/bean preggo and everything, crazy! Here're some more!

*MARY* said "I'm just duh-eyeing to know which Disney princess you are!"
Horay! LOVE quizzes, LOVE Disney, LOVE princesses, so this = soo exciting. Took this quiz and was FULL-ON positive I'd be Sleeping Beauty or Snow White (w/ highlights) or someone else darling, but then SUPRISE, totally messed up and gave me this, weird or what??? Random!

You are the female equivalent of Belle's narcissistic, arrogant suitor, Gaston: you are admired and loved by almost everyone in the village. Although conceited, you should be applauded for your courage in assuming everyone should love you.

S. said "Are gas prices getting you down?
Ugh, I try not to let ANYTHING bum me out bc I heart being positive and frowning is a downer, exspecially FINANCIAL frowning, which is the worst kind. After I fill up, I put my pink ipod on something peppy (see my playlist for deets) and just drive around til I forget all about it! :)

Kalola said, "Do you like funeral potatoes?"
You bet! But, feel WAYSUPER guilty when I eat the regular ones tho, so my all-time fave is with FF cheese, FF sour cream and lite potatos. YUM!

Seth asked, "Are you going green?"
Ya, I recycle and everything, but what's the point? The earth's gonna burn N-E-ways!

Laura asked, "So, how do you categorize people who are divorced, gay, or lead 'not so perfect' lifestyles? Are they just 'not as blessed?'"
Ew! Sinning is the worst! Hate to get all boring slash serious, but I have had a rill personal battle with this bc I have had to watch loved ones choose the wrong and it makes my heart hurt. For example, three summers ago (SOOO embarrassing, can't believe I'm admitting this but after all, this blog is my journal) bro wore a colored shirt. To SACRAMENT! Way sad. So, did what I do best: fast. He not only stopped it, but I dropped a hole-nother ell-bee! Jackpot! Just goes to show, blessings are the BEST.

Kalola asked, "What is your favorite hymn?"

Tough Q!! Sooooo hard to say! Love them all! Butt, if I HAFTA choose...definately a tie btwn: "If you chance to meet a frown" and "Never A Better Heero."


rachael said...

Ok, now you've got me humming Never A Better Hero. Thanks a lot, TAMN.

Adam and Kristina said...

My hubby has facial hair and he almost wasn't allowed to pass the sacrament! The only colored shirt he wears to church is red, since that's Jesus' favorite color, of course.

Is it wrong to take things out of the recycling bin and put them in the regular trash? Having two bins just seems to be wasteful.

kris said...

Don't worry, your neck is WAY smaller than Gaston's.

Melissa said...

Colored shirts?! That's horrible! But you know what's worse? Those nasty bolo ties... ick!

Kerry said...

I hate HATE hate financial frowning!!!

Suzie said...

what about "His Hands".......I heart the "they pierced them" part. Hymns are SUPER cool!

Tammy said...

heart u tonz!

Kelly O. said...

wait a second, you got mad at your brother for wearing a colored shirt to sacrament? aren't you wearing a bikini in the drawing of your family at the bottom of your blog?

Trina said...

Interpretation question: what's an "ell-bee"? The phonetics for the Utah accent make me laugh, but that one genuinely has me stumped. Thanks!

Rachie said...

"ell-bee" is the phonetic spelling for lb --- as in pound. That's also a major jock favorite.

"There's nothing like throwing around some ell bees in the morning"

-My favorite jock from high school

Rachie said...

Ew. Did I just say "phonetic" on TAMN's blog? Sad.

Marcelo and Nathaly said...

Good work on this one. Hilarious.

cheri said...

Weird coincidence! If you chance to meet a frown is MY all-time favorite hymn. We sang it in harmony at my brother's farewell and I did the sign language to it.

Becca said...

TAMN, you have brought some serious sunshine in my soul today. Totally agree about not bothering to recycle coz the earths gonna burn neways!

Hizzeather said...

Kelly O - You must know the rule that if it is a summer holiday or if you are within 30 feet of a swimming pool or the ocean, that bikinis and skanky clothes are ok...duh! And of course TAMN and JJWT have a pool, and all their neighbors too, so she can wear a bikini all the time! Woot!

I wonder if the font counts, because then I could wear whatever I want to church...nah, probably not. :)

Julie said...

You shouldn't just ASSUME everyone loves you. You should KNOW!!! How could they not love you?

Lindsay said...

GASTON!? You have got me literally cracking up over here. Oh my gosh, I have never laughed harder at a blog in my life!

temparoo said...

I have an answer to all fo the going green hype on my blog,

Adam and Cristina, what do you mean by your hubby can not pass the sacrament, is he a rabbi? What is the sacrement about?

Thanks, and you sound very blessed, so if this sacrement is magic and something you use to make you so blessed?

Thanks for your help.

Adam and Kristina said...

Temparoo, the sacrament is sort of like the Mormon version of Catholic Communion, if that makes sense. It's bread and water, symbolizing the body and blood of Christ, which baptized Mormons eat and drink. I hope that helps. You can also go to if you have other questions.

I feel all missionary right now.

Trina said...

As you should ...

And thanks for the ell-bee explanation. I had no idea.

alyssa said...

I'm Aurora!! Thanks so much for the quiz, sweetie!! And how DARE you *SPOIL* Breaking Dawn!! No one's supposed to know Edward dies!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!! Side note: my fave hymn now is, "The day dawn is breaking." Do you think that's where she got the title? Totally rad.

p.s. I hope no one reads this and thinks this is what Mormons are really like..... PLEASE go to

Brittany said...

You *do* both have a swell cleft in your respective chins, although I assume you are far less hairy.

Do you use antlers in all of your decorating?

hagna said...

Are you roughly the size of a barge?

Allison Harris said...

Are you especially good at expectorating?

Kimberly said...

Your blog is so amazing and inspirational.
However, your yahoo email isn't working for me and I have a problem that I was kinda hoping you can help me out with (since you are an expert on being cute and being married)...
I am not married and have no prospects. I have even served a mission! That was great, though, because it was at a visitors' center, which are the cutest, most fun missions EVER!
Could you do a blog post with some how-to's on:
-making myself cuter
-attracting a tall, dark and righteous husband?
Thanks for making the blogosphere so much more righteous (in both the awesome way and the spiritual way)!

Renee said...

Funeral potatoes?! SO YUM!! It's totally too bad our ward doesn't have more funerals, because they are sooo delish.

Shanna said...

Dearest TAMN---

I am ever so grateful that I have had the opportunity to win the $20 GC from Beauty From The Earth (Yay for me and Yay for makeup!!!) You have been amazing through this whole experience, and although I do not want to sound at ALL unthankful, I cannot get the yahoo email to work. Please advise....

Token Asian Friend said...


I'm like freaking out here!!! Gaston DIED trying to rid the world of beastiness and unwanted facial hair, and, next to the three-fold one, that is totally your life's mish! Do you think the universe was trying to send you a warning through the princess website?

Marivic said...

I guess you're not 100% purrfect...that breaks my heart. I was becoming a fan. Gaston!!!????'re a masculine woman?? Plus what's with the Disney Princess quiz? That's so 3 months ago. But I'm so with you on the white shirt. What's worse my son and the other deacons grew their hair long once, and the bishop had to have an eternal-life and death discussion with them. It was such a trial of faith for me to see my son forget to CTR. But he repented and I have a seriously blessed life again. I so identify with you.

kits54 said...

*mary* What a great question to ask TAMN! My daughter took the Disney test and turned out she is that scary, evil octopus witch-like sea hag from 'Little Mermaid.' sad. Now all she does is sit home and read books called 'Breaking Wind' or something~ even sadr.

julie said...

Glad to be educated on the "el-bee" thing - I've never heard of that one before.

And Gaston's sounds great! He's handsome and a great singer. Who knows what narcisississim is anyway?!?

Kalen said...

Um, just thought you might want to know that there's a bad word in one of the songs on your playlist! It's in the song 'Teardrops on my Guitar' and its the one that rymes with dam. You prolly didn't notice or something - I'm sure you wouldn't put something like that on your blog on purpose but I just thought if you wanted to make your blog more spirit-friendly you might want to take it off or find a clean version or something. After all, the adversery only needs one tiny crack in your holy armor...

Erin The Great said...

Seriously, SO great! I'm glad you fasted for your brother for wearing a colored shirt to church... OMGoodness. It's like people who take two pieces of sacrament bread... That's a fast that can last days. Poor souls. I also can't believe that you spoiled Breaking Dawn... At least you didn't tell anyone about Bella marrying Jacob... oopsies. My bad!

Dee said...

i feel a little bit, ridiculed, by your, blog. i mean, goll, you shouldn't really make fun of people, just because their like, not all "seriously so", as smart and all original as you n stuff.
Just kiddin'!

Whoever you are it's the most brilliant piece of comedy and I hope you keep on making me laugh 4-ever! YOU GO GIRLLLLLL!!!

abbyjane said...

My son dresses up like a princess. Maybe he should take this quiz...

hagna said...

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
My what a guy, that Gaston

Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Gaston is the best
And the rest is all drips

No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston
For there's no one as burly and brawny
As you see I've got biceps to spare
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
(That's right!)
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair

No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
I'm espcially good at expectorating
Ten points for Gaston!

When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge

No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
I use antlers in all of my decorating
Say it again
Who's a man among men?
And then say it once more
Who's the hero next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know? Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down
And his name's G-A-S- T -
G-A-S-T - E -
G-A-S-T-O - oh!

s g said...

this blog is seriously hilarious...thanks for the laughs.

while I think the purpose of your blog is not to make fun of 'the church' but people IN the church, I am NOT a fan of people commenting things like "I just love Pres. Monson" or "I hope my son will be a stripping warrior" etc...those border sac-religion in my humble opinion.

I am not saying that you are encouraging those type of comments, as others have left hilarious comments 'like you.' I know you can't control the comments, but I think there is a line to be drawn.

Again...your posts are awesome, it was just some of the comments that bothered me. Keep doin' whatcha doin!!

hagna said...

stripping warrior?!

Missy W. said...

where can i find one of those?

Missy W. said...

where can i find one of those?

Missy W. said...

where can i find one of those?

Kristy said...

Ok...funeral potatoes YUM-ME!! But is it weird that my mother-in-law likes to make them for Sunday dinner?

GladysIcanbee said...

I am Princess Pocahantas which I think makes me even more blessed than most of you because she's a Lamanite and I'm from Utah so how totally blessed and holy am I? I heart funeral potatoes so much that I always have the ingredients in my pantry so that I can whip them up to take to my Visitng Teachees whenever they need a meal. We don't get lots of deaths either but do get tons of babies which, though noise, creates a more wonderful spirit at church. I also have 5 gallon bucket with the potato pearls, dehydrated onions, sour cream powder, etc already together and the recipe in vinyl lettering. We'll be eating good when the big one comes!

Whitney said...

OMGosh! Like, THANK YOU so much TAMN, for showing me that, because I'm still single, like, I TOTALLY must have sinned BIG TIME. Because we all know that good mormon girls ALWAYS get married. I guess I should have gone to EFY when I was a teenager....or maybe it's because I frown sometimes when I think about sexist practices and ideologies. Yeah, frowning is like, totally, MAJOR sin.

thoughts and other minor things said...

Ok - so I was sent a link by my friend who TOTALLY thought I would 'dig' you guys.

So...uh...I get what you're doing. I do. It's all ironic and 'clever'. But really, it's kind of exhausting slash not funny.

I've been mocking these same ppl since I was a laurel, but without the bitter cynicism - it's quite sad.

However, I love who was doing the writing in the beginning - much better than some of your current writers.

Also, since I'm not a total Hag - I have to give my Kudos to you for reaching the audience slash status (good job)

kris said...

LOL. TAMN don't listen to the haters who are pissed someone's funnier and sharper than they are. Most of us wish we'd thought of it first, too. Please, keep it up!

thoughts and other minor things said...

Who said anyone was hatin'?

The Raybould Family said...

So.... I read the first few lines days ago and saw that "Edward dies" I didn't read a word more. Shut my comp off. Got real mad at you. Then read non stop for a few days cause, re reading them, I was only on the 2nd book. This morning I finally finished the 4th book and couldn't figure out where you had gotten your info from. So I just read the rest of your sentence....

Man! I wouldn't have dropped off the internet planet if I had read the rest of it!

Is it so horrible that I believe every word you say?

Not quite the Bradys said...

"definately a tie btwn: "If you chance to meet a frown" and "Never A Better Heero." "-

I just laughed myself right out of my chair. Fer serious!!! You are SO funny.