November 12, 2008

bad perplexion

SO SAD SLASH STUMPED!

Last night was hobby nite at the law/biz/med/dental school wives club (so fun!...every one is so creative!) and this darling chica who seriously NEVER comes, showed up and geez, TALK about an awkward incounter you gys. I was way friendly and polite, as is of upmost importance as the first-lady, but ew! Hate to gossip, but this IS my journal, and I = way puzzled and in desparate need a venting spree. So get this...


They've been married for freaking EVER, I think since oh-SIX or something ridiculous, and guess how many kids? Um, ZERO. And she's not even preggers! Plus she has a JOB. Um, WTH. It's like there against wick and loans or something, not to mention HELLO!? Do they even HAVE parents??

Way.
sad.
life.
Ugh.

Of coarse, I'm sure they've been "trying" ;o) so to be nice, I figured I'd suggest a few things to help her get blessed slash preggo. I opened my eyes way big and earnest so my mascara clumps bonked into my carefully-shaped brows, and asked way hi-pitched friendly, "Have you guys thought about paying tithing?" She was all, "What do you mean?"

LOL! Awkard! I shrugged my teensy shoulders and gentley put a lotiony hand on her back all compassionate. I lowered my cute head and tossed my streaked bangs slowly, giving her my darling quizzical pity pout, and pointed slowly at my fertile garden belly, (meaningful pause), then at her desolate desert one.

"You know....TWO, NONE. TWO, NONE...

Just saying maybe it's time to CTR."

Nice, right? But nooo, she flipped the heck out and chose to be offended. Girls are SO drama! Always telling the J-Dub he's seriously so lucky to of married someone so down to earth and chill. I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP THEM TO NOT HAVE A BORING LIFE. It's like, is it just that she's selfish and a heaven hater, or does she have a wasteland of a womb?? I'm TRYING to be sensitive but it is way hard. Should I send a note?

149 comments:

Rachey said...

I think this is your best ever.

soawesomeimightgetarrested said...

send her a note highlighting the proc of fam.

totally time to ctr! i love it.

kris said...

HAHAHAHA!!

upmost? lotiony hands? mascara bonking brows?

It's eerie how accurate you are, TAMN. Again, I bow down to the brilliance of this blog.

The Boob Nazi said...

Maybe send her one of those sticks that tells her when she's ovulating so they can nuzzle a lot during that time. Maybe she just doesn't know when to nuzzle a lot!

The Petterssons said...

Seriously TAMN, a note is not needed. If she was CTR, she would have not been offended. She needs to soften her heart and start choosing the right so she can multiply and replenish the earth. Totally bugs when people are not willing to do what is right. Maybe she doesn't want to be pregnant at the same time as you since you're super hot and stuff. Maybe she'd be super chubby if she was preggers.

Scott and Jillian said...

She should send her a note, 'cause I know with me and my hubby it took us a long time before I got preggers with my trips, so sometimes people just have health problems. She needs a friend with a good example like yours right now, not a CTR lesson.

Kristina P. said...

Holy crap. I was totally taking notes on this one. Don't tell anyone, but we've been married almost 5 years and don't have kids! And I'm a 40 hour a week social worker! I can't believe I am admitting this publicly!

I think I'm going to start paying 12% tithing now. That'll totally do the trick.

Cris, Callie, and Cayten said...

It really isn't that funny when you have BTDT and have an impossible time getting pregnant. I know this is satire, fake, and junk but dude, where are your feelings. Unfortunately, this does happen, and WAY TOO OFTEN in our mormon culture!

Matt and Jennae Porter said...

Freaking hilarious. I love it.

LDS Fashion Girl said...

That was WAY nice of you to be so compassionate to her. I think even though she acted angry....sometimes you have to tell it how it is, totally reproving with sharpness and then being a good frikin' example. When she sees your complete joy and righteousness with your twinners she'll thank you gently calling her to repentance!

Emily Lauren said...

Oh six!!! That is ridiculous. I can't believe what this world is coming to. . .

Cheri said...

BAHAHAHAHAHA!!

We didn't have kids for a long time and I swear to you, this scene could be taken right from my life. HILARIOUS and all-too common reaction. Way to go, TAMN. Dead-on as usual.

Jessie said...

Waiting until you can afford kids is SO against the plan. What is she thinking? Ferril. I wouldn't have even talked to her AT ALL. Your a better person than me.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

You were so right on about the advice...holy wound up! I mean...there is a PURPOSE for everything!...DId you mention that maybe she came that night so you could be an instrument in Man's upstairs hands? I was totally feeling that vibe...maybe you can tell her that...have her think on that for a while?

You are just one of his most humble and preggars servant!

Kara Miller said...

Hahahahaaaa! This is right on. We've been married since '06 and guess what? NO KIDS! We are anti-WIC and debt! And guess what else? I do have job. Imagine that? :) This is too funny. Love it!

marcie said...

I am always amazed at the amount of compassion you exhibit when you could easily be self-abzorbed... but not you, you choose to look at others.

"Two, none. Two, none."

I am ROLLING because I swear I've actually SEEN it happen before... or else my mind is playing tricks on me, and I read this blog too often!

Kateastrophe said...

"I opened my eyes way big and earnest so my mascara clumps bonked into my carefully-shaped brows"

Ohmagosh I just died laughing.

I am so going to take your advice. I've been married since OHFIVE and am totally not even trying to have a baby . . . but you and your fertile garden just convinced me otherwise. I'm quitting my job and focusing on CTRing it.

Barb @ getupandplay said...

Oh TAMNers, she was prob just WAY jelos of your fertile-ness! Just ignore her (she was kinda acting like a bizzo anyway, sorry for my language).

michellejohnnie said...

Maybe they don't know what to do to get pregnant. It's not like they teach these things in school and perhaps they come from RILLY modest families where these things are NOT discussed! Along with a note, maybe some pictures should be included. She might just be so innocent that she has no idea what should be going on!!!

Gordita said...

TAMN, have we met? Married before oh anything (last century) and still no joys from heaven. This is like a scene from my life playing in heaven, except that I'm the cute one, and you are too, kinda, but just not as cute as me.

Amy said...

love your blog but seriously, after years of infertility and sobbing my guts out you need to know this really really happens all the time. I could take the idiotic comments and the cluelessness but the pity was more than anyone should have to bear. All this post did was bring back how much that hurt. ouch. I have twins now so most of the pain is gone and my frown is upside down or whatever but for those out there that are in the middle of it - this went from funny to just hurtful. Watch it TAMN.

Mandy said...

I love your blog too, but infertility and the pain that comes with it is really not that funny. I think you have gone too far this time. Seriously.

Krista said...

Oh, if only there were more people like you...

MommaKiss said...

Seriously chill, peeps.

my stay-at-home-momma drama said...

This is the funniest thing I have ever read.

I am currently sporting a wasteland of a womb! My daughter is two and a half and she doesn't even have a little sister then another little brother yet.

Kate said...

You crack me up, TAMN!

Hopefully this will get under control. You need to stay away from this drama - you have way cute feti to worry about!

Peterson Family said...

Freakin Hiarious! This is my first visit to your blog, LOVE it. Seriously all your type-swearing makes me LAUGH!

Yeah, my youngest (of 2 boys) is 4 yrs. and 4 months, I keep having to tell my fellows sisters that we actually WANTED to wait and space out the next two, cause having two close together is FREAKING hard!! :)

Rachel said...

[HAHAHAHA, seriously I love your blog a LOT :D ]

I think you should send her a note, and maybe even stick in a few cute-a-licious scrapbooked quotes from that Bednar talk from confrince a few yrs back about not "takin offence"!!

You could totally be a shining exampul of forgiveness to her! Way to CTR-it TAMN!!

Britt said...

yeah, i think this one is my new fave :)

Jane @ What About Mom? said...

Funny how we all know this is satire, and that it wouldn't work if it didn't -get- things right, but when things hit close to our own personal circumstances, suddenly it's just not as funny.

I thought the Ruth one was hilarious, but then my sister just got divorced, and so her kids will come from a "broken home," and suddenly it was just sad.

But I thought this post wasn't making fun even of people insensitive of infertility issues, but rather people who assume that Mormon women (should) want to get pregnant right away rather than working.

If you assume that it's about infertility, you're kind of going along with that mindset of wanting/needing to have kids IMMEDIATELY rather than a career.

(Or, as I said before, seeing our own pains reflected a bit too clearly.)

Jessie said...

I’m fairly certain that this post had absolutely nothing to do with couples that struggle with infertility, and EVERYTHING to do with couples that have as many babies as possible (as soon as possible) and rely on the church, WIC, or going into debt in order to take care of them. And then wonder how come everyone else doesn't do that, too.

At least that was how /I/ read it.

myimaginaryblog said...

You could also send a gift card to Babies-R-Us that expires in a few months! Motivate+inspire!

Noelle said...

i had a WAY hard time getting preggers - three years, lots o' DTDs - and this happened all the time, but never by someone as compassionate and considerate and wise as you. maybe if you had given me these instructions it wouldn't have taken so long. why didn't you start you're awesome bloggy sooner??? would have saved me so many tears and dineros!!!

The Windy City Duo said...

My favorite post EVER!

Mary said...

So, since I have been married for 7 years, am totes fertile, and don't have kids...I should be paying MORE tithing. Will that keep the chicks in RS off my back??

Wow, I am so going to have to try this!!! So, do I have to announce it in RS, b/c the stares I can deal with...just not the comments.

Sorry that I am a heaven hater...I guess my Catholic grandmother was right. Who wudda thunk it?!?

Mark and Ashley Welling said...

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED SINCE JUNE OF 2005....AND GET THIS I AM DON'T HAVE KIDS EITHER.

WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE? I WANT TO BE ABLE TO PROVIDE FOR MY FAMILY! THAT IS A NOVEL IDEA...RIGHT?

YEA...YOU SHOULD SEND A NOTE. I HAD PROFESSORS AT BYU-IDAHO TELL ME THAT IF I TOOK BIRTH CONTROL I WOULD GO TO HELL. WELL, I GUESS SINCE I HAVE BEEN TAKING IT FOR 3 1/2 YEARS NOW....I GUESS THAT IS WHERE I AM GOING TO BE GOING.

YOU KNOW...ITS BETWEEN YOU, YOUR HUSBAND, AND THE LORD AS TO WHEN ITS THE RIGHT TIME TO HAVE KIDS. SO....MORAL OF THE STORY IS...STOP JUDGING! YOU DON'T KNOW HER STORY.

Mandy said...

Oh, sad.

Ashley said...

This post = my life. Bravo! And yes, I am the sad one with a job in this scenario.

Heidi said...

TAMN!!! Since this was not a RS funkshun, maybe there is an opportunity you to SHARE the plan!!! Maybe this darling chica doesn't even NO about the plan, so she doesn't even NO she's NOT CTR-ing!

You shud send her a cute scrappy note slash testimony in a BOM and
invite her to hobby nite at RS!
Do it!!! :)

Allison Claire said...

ok, I still think it is funny that people don't get this sight and I think it is doubly funny when TAMN writes

"I shrugged my teensy shoulders and gentley put a lotiony hand on her back all compassionate."

THAT is the best line I have heard in a long time!! TAMN you know you have a special place in heaven, right next to Brad and Angelina!!! (cause you know, they have six kids and stuff and even though they are not married they are HOT and so they pass) :) LOVE YOU!

Em said...

TAMN....I AM THAT GIRL! I work and my hubby goes to law school.And I am not even kidding you, our "hobby night" (yes that is the exact text in the subject line of the e-mail I received today)IS TONIGHT! Ha, I always feel like I am the only one not preggers. I'll have to tell my husband about your suggestion (tithing).. ha! I love your site.

Ashley said...

Oh and forgot to mention that our family ward is so sick of us not CTR-ing by having getting preggers on our honeymoon that they have totally exiled us to a sad, poor branch in (whisper: the bad part of town). And right after the call was extended I told righteous hubby that we need to repent and get to nuzzling so that HF can stop punishing us and so that our ward will welcome us back with open arms.

Thanks for putting us back on the straight and narrow!

Plain Jame said...

TAMN, you're so self righteous and psycho judgemental. *phew* there, got that off my chest.

Love ya!! We're still BFF's right?

K and/or K said...

Tithing and fertility jokes? Must be a mormon thing. I'm 8 years married with no kids and pepople don't think a thing of it. Freedom is fun!

Emily said...

Yeah, not funny for those who are dealing with infertility. It sounds that way for those who haven't been through it, but from some one in the thick of it, this is pretty heartless. I know you didn't mean it that way, so I'll forgive, but I think I am done with TAMN. This hit too close to home.

Token Asian Friend said...

Make sure, when you scrap your note for her, to add this:
(picture of your wedding ring)+CTR = (picture of your 15 week preggo belly). I just think she didn't understand you last night, and maybe the visual would help!

myimaginaryblog said...

I hate to break the proscenium (pshew, Firefox tells me I got that spelling right) but I'm going to put in my little two cents that I think the satire is aimed at those who give advice and make judgments with absolutely no information to go on, and with people they have no relationship with.

Elise said...

Can I say how happy it made me to see two posts in a row?

Well, it did.

Jamie said...

Hmmm....as an LDS woman who has gone through 5 years of trying to have a child, 3 years on an adoption list, to only finally be chosen and crushed when I received the news that my baby was still born...I'm not quite sure what to think of this. Yes, I know this is a satire, but when I read this post I thought "Wow, is there any lines the author of this blog won't cross?" I'm glad you were able to make a couple bucks at the expense of others....so much for "avoiding the appearance of evil"....

Trent!? said...

Okay. Come on. INFERTILITY or not having kids is not the joke. TAMN's insensitivity slash cluelessness is the joke.

Infertility = not funny (of course).

People like TAMN and their all-too-common absurd reactions about this stuff = priceless.

THAT's the joke, as i read it, and that is (once again) why this blog is so freaking genius.

Little Lovables said...

haha, well I have seen this soooo many times!

Lechelle said...

I have had two miscarriages and some of the most helpful advice was when I was told if I had more faith then my babies would have lived.

You should totally write her a note, it will save her a lot of heartache and give you extra blessings for being so considerate.

TAMN, thank you for pointing out the ridiculous. I hope people recognize some of themselves in you and it motivates them to pay attention to what they say and do.

Trent!? said...

I'm with Jane @ what about mom...guess we project a little, don't we? Also, this post isn't even ABOUT infertility, is it? TAMN's new friend may not even be "trying" at all. What's funny is TAMN thinking she's double awesome and pitying strangers. TAMN, are you in my ward? I swear I know like ten of you.

lmm1969 said...

Trent & Lechelle-

AMEN!!!!

SB said...

My favorite part about his blog is reading the comments from people who know that they are up tight and can't take a joke, they know this about themselves and yet they read a blog that is meant to be satirical and whine about it. That is so funny to me. They're probably the same type of people that go to R-rated movies and complain about seeing a boob or hearing the "F" word. I hope they never change because I find them so entertaining. Keep commenting whiners!!

kris said...

I love this blog so much I want to marry it.

Elizabeth said...

Chill out, people.
Imagine if you actually did get pregnant, then your baby died, and people who are essentially strangers still treated you like this?

Welcome to my life!

If you don't have a sense of humor, the sad stuff will kill you.
And the satire is not aimed at the infertile... calm down.

Heidi said...

This blog doesn't make light of infertility, choosing to be married without kids, voting, Proposition 8, divorce. It is pointing out *ignorance* THROUGH TAMN. TAMN is self-righteous and ignorant toward all of the above. I'm pretty sure that real-person-behind-TAMN can see where TAMN is lacking in compassion and tact, which is the whole point, right? So what is she teaching us? Don't be like TAMN. Don't be ignorant. Don't say stupid things.

But come on girls, it's still funny.

Amy G. W. said...

Thank you. I'm tired of feeling like I have to ask for forgiveness from my culture because I can't go forth and multiply, I love this post. TAMN you are hysterical, you just make my day, keep up the good work you sweet little chica sensitiva.

Rach said...

Oh, how I love this blog. What did we ever do before TAMN? I've heard it said that mormon doctrine should never be mocked, but mormon culture should be mocked as often as possible. A+, TAMNers.

Christine said...

Wow people.

Upon reading the post, I never would have expected such heated replies.

Going back a bit, I AM Red-Flag Ruth, missing only the mission and the man (and nothing else). While I occasionally get pretty frustrated about how I'm viewed by some members in the Church (me being 24, single, and in professional school), that post didn't hurt my feelings one bit because I knew IT WASN'T ABOUT ME. (But don't assume that I have NEVER been upset about my situation. I can't tell you how much I'd love to be married with kids like all of my cousins and friends!)

That said, it's one of my very favorite posts because TAMN's reaction to [me] is something I've encountered a million times and is so true and so ridiculous about our culture. I had to laugh because of that, and like Ruth, the other characters that come through are just figures for TAMN to play off of.

Nowhere ever did this post state that the new friend was struggling with infertilty. TAMN just assumed that based on her ideals of what a woman in that position should be doing with her life (because she can't comprehend anyone waiting).

For those who are offended, I'm sure that it was never the author's intention to bring up anything controversial or to hurt anyone's feelings. It's a story... a satire... and the only people it's mocking are the ridiculous people like TAMN.

Menner said...

To all offended:

I think you should be glad that someone realizes how insensitive and judgmental people can be regarding women who have not yet had children, whether by choice or infertility.

The whole point of this post is to point out how clueless and insensitive people can be. It is in no way making fun of women who don't or can't have children. Rather it is DEFENDING them and making fun of the people who judge them.

That's one of the things that drives me crazy about mormon culture: how members think it's their business to comment on how other people are or are not getting married, having babies, working outside the home, or otherwise living their lives as they see fit.

If you were offended by this post, you clearly didn't understand it.

Crazy McWife said...

I struggle with getting pregnant also, and I seriously don't think the author behind this is making fun of infertility. She's making a joke of people LIKE Tamn who just assume that she's better and more righteous than others b/c she got knocked up with twins. :) Chillax peeeps! All you who struggle with infertility- the author is in your corner! Really!

Rhien Family said...

I understand what satire is. This post was definitely satire. I get it... I understand that the joke is not pointed at infertile people.

It's still not funny to me at all.

Sue said...

"It is pointing out *ignorance* THROUGH TAMN. TAMN is self-righteous and ignorant toward all of the above."

EXACTLY. She's not making fun of infertile people, she's making fun of the horrible, clueless insensitive people you encounter when you're infertile.

I was infertile for a few years and ran into these well meaning idiots all too often. I'd bet good money that the woman behind TAMN went through the same stuff.

If you're choosing to be offended by the fact that she is pointing out that these people are offensive - well, I don't know what to say. I'm sure you find drama lots of other places too.

Rach said...

TAMN! I have NO IDEA what all these people are talking about, ignoring the fact that YOU had a traumatic experience!

Your lotiony hands are clean.

You just keep on plugging and judging along, sister. Good job helping that chica see the light. If you gave her the wide, earnest eyes, she should NOT have been offended. Love you!

Ruth said...

You are a genius.

Howertons in Iowa said...

I so needed a good laugh and realization that my life is so much more blessed than others, Thanks for helping me see the light again TAMN! I am so glad to have such a great e-bff!!

Mrs. Clark said...

Kudos, TAMN! I was married three years before I had my darling little baby boy, and I was told I was "selfish" for not having a baby right away (even though my darling hubby was in school and I had to work, and would've had to put my baby in day care!) I decided to wait until I could take care of my little angel myself. Thanks for pointing out the self-righteous, insensitive superiority of these "good" LDS women who think that early marriage, early childbearing, and material wealth equal superior righteousness.

I'm sorry some were offended. I understand the heartache of infertility, and the yearning of those who have yet to meet The One. But you're brilliant--keep it up!

Mi Piace said...

OK wow. This post (even if it is fake or whatever) makes lds married women who have kids and don't work look really really bad. Not to mention it's a litte bit over the tipsy top.
Just thought I'd be honest. This post took some guts, or some straight up arogance....don't know which one!? Still love your blog though.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Satire is over the tipsy top. Always. Isn't it? Besides, this is a way better scenario then if you asked if she was preggers and she wasn't. That hurts big time!

aubrey said...

new reader here, tamn..

"should i send a note?"

hee hee. you are so thoughtful.

Spencer and Melina said...

Same topic, opposite position, diff blog, unknown e-BFFs. Against CTR right now, guees I'm too busy being narcissistic and obsessing over myself, seriously will miss out on those blessings! Wishing I could be as supercool and witty as you. I have been inspired.

Laura said...

Um guys, the point is that TAMN is trying to be helpful but is really completely insensitive. It's not about the girl who doesn't have a baby, it's about people like TAMN. Stop freaking over nothing and making stuff up to get mad about. TAMN is just trying to help after all.

LindsSawyer said...

Seriously TAMN this one takes the cake. I am that friend but married is OH FOUR! YIKES NO kids and a real JOB! SCARY! I am hardly mormon anymore....AND didn't get married til 23 at BYU...Don't send her a letter its too late...NO HOPE!

Lindsey said...

Hello people, this blog post is NOT about infertility. It's about some couples choosing to be married for several years while the wife finishes school and works full time before kids come along. I mean, how dare they. How dare a mormon wife actually contribute to society in a way other than reproducing? The fact that so many people are shocked by this scenario is the sad thing and that is what SSB is pointing out. TAMN is the "all I want to do is have kids so I can stay home and not work" wife who thinks that anyone who chooses otherwise is seriously misguided. Sorry TAMN ... some people are just meant (and able) to do more.

Cheri said...

Love you, TAMN.

Jen said...

I know this has to have been said about a million times, but... DanyaLynd, you DO know this is FAKE, right? Cos you make it sound like you don't. TAMN doesn't exist, except as an over-the-top characterization of all those women who were making you feel bad for not having children. I know it sucks to be reminded of your pain, but the author IS on your side.

And now I'm just repeating everything everyone else has said already. Just relax. Stop taking it so personally, cos it's not even aimed at people like you at all.

Elizabeth Brooks said...

Okay, I love this blog ... but don't always understand it (life is like that). So if anyone has the time please explain..
WIC and CTR and what plan?
Thanks

Carolyn said...

My take is that this is making fun of Mormon women who judge and give unwanted advice/make rude statements to women without children. It is not a jab at infertile women.

I think it's pretty silly to say that TAMN is doing "whatever it takes" to "make a buck" on this one. Honestly, she is brilliant, in my opinion, at pointing out all the stupidity and the annoying behaviors of COUNTLESS women I knew in Utah!! Thanks for keeping me updated, TAMN, on how ridiculous those ladies are getting. Sometimes your blog scares me more than makes me laugh because it's just too true to life!

Carolyn said...

My take is that this is making fun of Mormon women who judge and give unwanted advice/make rude statements to women without children. It is not a jab at infertile women.

I think it's pretty silly to say that TAMN is doing "whatever it takes" to "make a buck" on this one. Honestly, she is brilliant, in my opinion, at pointing out all the stupidity and the annoying behaviors of COUNTLESS women I knew in Utah!! Thanks for keeping me updated, TAMN, on how ridiculous those ladies are getting. Sometimes your blog scares me more than makes me laugh because it's just too true to life!

Mishqueen said...

Well mebbe she is one of those people who was told when she was young that you can get pregnant from kissing and lying down with a boy and so she never did that so she could be a good Mormon and now she totely does that and although she's prolly still a good Mormon I think maybe she just dosent know a thing about pro-creeashun. I know that I was told once in church since I dont have kids that its cruel to force the little spirits to wait up in heaven for me to accomplish my selfish worldy goals that are of course oh so selfish (even though the lady had never met me before but I suppose she could have called my mom and asked her what my goals were) and the little spirits are really only wanting one thing out of life and thats a body. So I looked at the lady with a frown smile and told her I didunt think we were doing it right so could she help me out a bit? And woodja believe it she got all up in arms and ofendud and yelled at me? N-E-way all I'm sayin is that some people just don't know anything about pro-creeashun but then again some people just pretend they dont.

markolopia (mahrk-uh-LOHP-i-uh) said...

Oh my heck! Your brilliant!!

Angie said...

TAMN--Is your "wives club" exclusive to wives, or do you also allow other "spouses" (i.e., law/dental/business/medi HUSBANDS). I think if you're really focused on ctr, you probably don't want to encourage female higher education via spousal inclusivity. Thoughts?

The Mostess said...

You should totally have asked if she had some "old sins" in her life. I hear that can cause all sorts of problems in the baby department, and once cleared up, the babies come right on down. Maybe you can tell her when you see her next--that will help her fill way better.

cchrissyy said...

Some people are so clueless, I bet she doesn't even start tithing.

Laurel said...

Elizabeth:

WIC = Women, Infants & Children (supplemental nutrition program for low-income pregnant/lactating women and kids 5 & under)

CTR = Choose the Right

The Plan = try this long link for more on this: http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=45af9daac5d98010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=bbd508f54922d010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

Amy Joy said...

Cannot help but comment on this one. So freaken funny. Being the wife of the already graduated Dr. or whatever. I know she must be against WIC!

Lewis Fam said...

Oh.....my........heck........(deep thinking voice).......so we should be paying our tithing?

thank you so much tamn, now my "wasteland of a womb" can def be turned into a "fertile garden belly." thanx for opening my mascara clumpened eyes.

Butler Family said...

Yes to the note - with a BIG apology!!! WOW, never thought kickin somebody who's down was funny! Obviously you wouldn't understand, since you are seriously so blessed and cold hearted!

Krista said...

Jillian, not all Mormons are like this. I know I try very hard to not be like this. Unfortunately, there are insensitive and self-absorbed people throughout every sector of society, and Mormons are no exception.

On the other hand, when people ask me point blank "when are you having kids?" I like to tell them about my miscarriage and watch their faces scrunch up and see them stammer and look uncomfortable. It's my own little way of "teaching by example" that people should mind they're own business and let my personal life stay my *personal* life.

Like others who have commented, I know this is satire and firmly believe the blog's author is in our corner. Of course, reading posts like this hurts because we remember awful similar experiences in our own lives. TAMN wouldn't blog about it if it wasn't a problematic, divisive issue.

Krista said...

Wait, I just had the best idea!

"TWO, NONE, TWO, NONE" =

TAMN, you should give her one of your babies!

Since you are SO righteous and all...

Sara said...

TAMN, I guess you're finding out who your TRUE eBFF's are. I'm so sure...some commenters are even saying yer ofensive? Can you say SOMEONE-NEEDS-FRO-YO? TAMN was just trying to give a little guidence to a waywerd sister. I hope you all wood do the same for me.

Marisa said...

OMG(gosh) you guys!!!! I have been crying and crying for hours over the contention on this blog. TAMN is the most wonderful e-bff I have ever known. She was such a darling dear to constantly point out my imperfections and shortcomings until I wisened up and CTRed all over the place. TAMN's calls to repentance have been the most spirichal experiences of my life. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pay my tithing so that my super richas womb can be fertilized with the most kick-A spirit baby in heaven.

PS I wish they would have just told us in Health class that alls we had to do was pay our tithing and we would get preggo instead of showing us all those ultra scary pichures of STDs and shiz.

Barton Family said...

Oh. My. Hellinormal!!! I am laughing my pants off and I feel sooo sad for those who don't get this blog....

SATIRE=TAMN=HILARIOUS!!!!! You are a genious and I could only dream of making a "buck" off of stuff like this...WAY TO GO!!!

Christina said...

I know you're just trying to be funny and it was a clever post and scary accurate, but I think you went a little too far. I mean, c'mon not everyone fits "that" stereotype. You never know what someone's circumstances are, and honestly, I've seen marriages ruined because they jumped into having kids too soon. Everyone has a different timeline, and it's between you, your spouse, and the Lord. That's it. IT'S none of anybody else's business. END OF STORY. I'm really hope you're joking here.

megan said...

TAMNers! Just gotta say that I love you. So glad you've already got your Christmas music up. Mariah was made to sing All I Want for Christmas! Loved this post PS. =) BAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kerry said...

Hahaha! Of COURSE she's joking.

Holy crap, I love this blog.

Tanya said...

TAMN, I am so sorry that happened to you, sweetie! Don't stress on it and worry your little righteous self any more about it! I am sure this poor sister is just jealous of your super-awesome and HOTT little self, and that's why she reacted that way! You know what they say about the guilty, don't you? They taketh the truth to be hard!

Mary said...

I love this blog. And like previously said, it helps point out all my imperfections so my goals on my mirror will be accurate!!!

TAMN...forget trying a note, she is obveeusly without hope, but you have changed my perspective on my wicked ways...so call it a win!

Tim and Audra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cheri said...

COULD THIS BLOG GET ANY AWESOMER??!

Tiffany/Amber/Megan/Nicole, plz plz plz never stop blogging. Don't the haters get you down, cutie. Your quizzical pity pout is needed in bloggyville!!

Kamity said...

Man, I had no problems getting preggo, but I'm only having one and not two. Now I know I should've doubled my fast offerings this past summer ...

Ah. Well. Live 'n learn.

dharvey said...

TAMN is making fun of people who believe that women should bear as many children as possible, as soon as possible, even if it means living on food stamps, WIC, and credit card debt. She is making fun of people who judge others by assuming that women who choose to have careers are accidentally "barren wombs" who must have offended the Lord or the church in some way. She is making fun of people who are judgmental and self-righteous. That is what the entire blog is about. I am amazed that some readers do not understand the joke. It is BRILLIANT SATIRE. Love, D.

b. said...

This post is one of my favorites you've written lately, TAMN!

dharvey said...

TAMN is poking fun at judgmental people who give out this kind of unasked-for "advice" to women who have a career outside the home. She's making fun of people who believe that women should bear as many children as possible, as soon as possible, even if it means relying on food stamps, WIC, or credit card debt. She's poking fun at this belief system. It's a brilliant satire. - D.

Cristin said...

This is one of the best posts you have ever done because it is SO TRUE.

April said...

Oh Em Gee...I bet she was fat. It's always the fat ones that can't have kids. Frick go on a diet.

Amber said...

WARNING TO TIM AND AUDRA!!: You DO NOT have to LIKE kids to have em! Be careful or you'll get some!

Am I the only one who's seeing the real awesome thing that has happened here??? SUE commented! Mrs. Navel Gazing HERSELF! We are truly in the presence of greatness, people. First TAMN's brilliant/hilarious/my-most-favorite-so-far post...then SUE!!! *faint*

Amber said...

Oh and the whole eyelashes and lotiony hand and teensy shoulders...SO. DANG. FUNNY!!!

Heidi said...

Way to whip up a ton of controversy, the true mark of good satire. We're all comparing ourselves and getting offended. Love it!

BTW Those haters will be back. They won't be able to help themselves!

Brook said...

I think this post does bring back sad memories for those less fortunate in the babymaker biz, but I'm glad I read through some of the comments because I realize rather than throw myself a pity party because it took me 2 years of trying before my little boy was conceived (on vacation in Utah.. the reproduction capitol of the US) I've realized that people really are lame enough to say things like that. I'm glad I'm able to laugh at this now because frankly I think I'm just jealous of uber fertile couples like you. Thanks for putting me in check people.

Token Asian Friend said...

TAMN admirers and TAMN critics,

I think we are all saying the same thing, only some are loving TAMN for it, and others are strongly disliking her for it. But, I think we all agree...

If TAMN makes a big deal out of it, we should not.
If TAMN thinks it is weird, it is normal, if not admirable (RUTH!)
If TAMN has an opinion about it, hopefully it does not reflect our own.

So, let's all agree that it is no one's business if or when or how frequently we bear children. Let us all agree that working or staying at home is a personal and family decision. Let's all be grateful that the writer behind TAMN exposes these quirks in ourselves and society in a humorous and lighthearted way. And let's all agree to be less like TAMN one post at a time.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha. Maybe it's time to CTR! hee hee That made me ROTFLOL. Silly Tamn!

Hey, you've been swearing via initials a lot lately. Are you okay? Do you think your pregnancy is taking it's toll on your spirituality? Or maybe you're just burning that WICK at both ends.

And your twins are creeeeping me out. Ewwwww. Are they okay?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hi Tamners. I was a little more white tonight and browsed through a few of your comments. Are people seriously, so wondering if you are for real or not?

Are people seriously, so silly?

You pushed a few reality buttons it seems. hee hee

Good girl. That's what you were trying to, wasn't it?

So, I was LOLing about your maybe it's time to CTR.

ha ha

I noticed you're swearing a lot lately. Do you think you're burning the WIC at both ends now that you're preggers?

Your twins are so creepy over there. EWW! I hope they're okay.

Christine said...

So... let me get this straight... It's okay to include "spinsters" in TAMN's life, but not anyone who might be struggling with infertility - or not - we really don't know. Maybe I should go back and be offended that TAMN has regular characters who aren't married, and that TAMN is so rude and thoughtless in the way she acts toward them. Maybe you all got married really young, but I can tell you that being single in a family-ward in a very family-oriented church is generally NOT fun. And I graduated from BYU. I would LOVE to be married, and I have been on my knees sobbing about this for the past four or more years. People have said all kinds of awkward and hurtful things to me, but I'm still not offended by the posts involving Yvette because it's about TAMN, not her.

Liz Robertson said...

We've been trying for SEVEN years, and you HIT THE MARK...people are always suggesting we should attend the temple more, and the worst one: sex advice.

I like people's prayers, but I'd rather they talk to their pregnant unwed niece about adopting her child--much more helpful!!!

Hilariously overdone, thank you!

Karen said...

I am just waiting for TAMN to have these twins and trying to raise them, especially when JJWT is so busy being the Lawyer/Dentist/Doctor/Businessman plus Stake President. I wish we could see the blog she writes when the twins are teenagers and getting in to stuff and NOT C-ingTR and the comments SHE will get.

BYU Athletic Supporter said...

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!

Rick said...

She's totally not CTR. I bet she even votes Dem.

Coco said...

Absofreakinlutely. And make sure it's on Precious Moments stationary.

Miriam said...

I was once told by a friend that if someone in her ward isn't pregnant after 2 years of marriage, she just assumes that they are infertile. What's better to assume- that they are going against the plan or that they are infertile?!

Jen said...

i think people forget sometimes that this blog is making FUN of the molly-mo women who we all hate.
TAMN isn't trying to be insensitive to women who are infertile or who choose to work or who don't want kids yet or anything like that - she's making fun of the people who ARE insensitive to them.
lighten up, people.
oh and for those who somehow haven't caught on yet - this blog is fake. TAMN is not a real person.

Lyndsey said...

I think our beloved satirist was trying to highlight how cruel and ignorant LDS women can be when they judge other women for not having children whether by choice or not. A satire is to call attention to a problem in a light way. She has done an excellent job of doing so.

LanaBanana said...

Too accurate, it's eerie. :) Thanks for another good laugh.

The Petrini Post said...

Gosh, you are so oblivious and rude...maybe she can't have any kids! You need to work on your humility and pray for the HG to help you be more compassionate and in tune with her feelings....SERIOUSLY...YOU BUG!!!

Jess said...

I love how this blog is a commentary on LDS culture...this scene, I'm sure, has been played out in many student married wards throughout Utah and Idaho! In the words of TAMN -- SO SAD...
that this actually happens in real life. And thanks for giving us examples of how NOT to be :) Love you, TAMN!

Lola said...

Once you have your twins, maybe she can like, idk, play with them.
She might chill a little bit more if she can acutally come in close contact with a baby. Or maybe not.

torrent said...

Dear God...

People seriously...lighten up. If this post offends you then you shouldn't be following this blog because you obviously don't understand it.

Aunty Em said...

Ha Ha Ha.........

I would...ha ha.....say something...if I.....ha ha....could stop.......laughing....ha ha ha ah

Rebecca said...

A guy in our ward to an elderly lady asking why they didn't have kids yet: "I don't know why. We try all the time!"

She shut up in a hurry!

~*~Coy~*~ said...

It truly kills me how insensitive people are. This blog cracks me up because of how it highlights the ignorance of others.

It's similar to the comments I get when people find out that I have and 8 and a 9 year old, but I just got married in September. Their first response is "I sure hope you were married before." Are you kidding?! It amazes me how perfect strangers in this culture have any right to dictate to me how I should live my life! Maybe it's time *I* should start paying all that tithing and CTR-ing! Thanks, TAMN, for emphasizing how moronic people can be! Keep up the good work!

Super L said...

TAMN! I totally just realized something. You are president of the wives club, which PRACTIALLY makes you her Relief Society President! You totally have stoowardship over her, and I think it's your calling to help her through this trail. Maybe you could start sending her notes every month, covered with darling stamps of course, reminding her just to have more faith and look for opportunities to serve (BAAA! plus, you'll totaly be an object lesson of like oober-service by doing it!) and that way she will be able to have her fertile garden bed all planted up in no time.

What WAY good training for when you become an SPres's wife in ten years!

Keith, Bethany, and Tally said...

considering i cannot physically have kids - i LOL-ed forever because the scenario is just waaaaay too familiar!!!

Keith, Bethany, and Tally said...

considering i cannot physically have kids - i LOL-ed forever because the scenario is just waaaaay too familiar!!!

Jess Derek and Jackie said...

one person can never know when its right for another to have babies....Its not our job to judge its the Lords

clan of the cave hair said...

you totally need to invite her to your next testimoney meeting so you can testify from the pulpit as to her how righteous you are and how (with tears in your eyes...and insert the words "I just need to PUBLICLY tell my friend") you just know that when she decides the time is right to CTR she too will be as blessed as you.

Elizabeth Brooks said...

To Laurel,

Thank You :)

Elizabeth

PB & J said...

Don't understand why some people are offended by this post. It's a joke people! Satire! TAMN's insensitivity and self-righteous attitude is the J-O-K-E. No one's making fun of infertility.

Talina said...

Oh my goodness, I loved this post!!! I have been married over 3 years and would LOVE to have kids. It's just not in the cards for me right now. So, I finished up graduate school and am now working full time. In the mean time, I have had cute little old ladies, completely well meaning, come up and start asking really uncomfortable questions about mine and husbands 'cuddle-time' to see if that could be where our barren-issues come from. Maybe if I prayed more we could have kids now. I've had other girls, years younger than me with children already, ask me why I don't want children.
I LOVE THIS POST!!! It is my life portrayed as a comedy and laughing at TAMN makes it so much easier to laugh at those real-life experiences.

Tiff said...

So, just found your blog TAMN. I love it except for one thing. It makes me feel so much pressure. I mean, my name is Tiffany which is like 25% of your name, but I am no where near 25% as righteous as you. I mean I didn't even get married until I was 27!!! I'm getting a PhD which is even worse than med/dent/law because it takes longer and then you don't even make tons of money. To make matters worse, I want to finish this degree which means a year or more before I can even try to get preggers and by then I will be OLD! You are like my name's sake, but I can't even live up to your righteousness =( I know I should repent, read the family proc, and start CTRing, but I just can't seem to live up to your righteous example. Guess I'm just a combo of this new girl you met and Ruth. How boring!

Amy said...

CTR = Reading TAMN!

jenn w said...

Tamn, are you scared? You've been warned-"watch it tamn" that was the best one! How i wish i could see your reaction as you read all these ridiculously clueless comments!! I love you.

Thais said...

I have to admit I was slightly offended at first bc it seriously hit home. Been married for 3 1/2 yrs and I'm one of unrighteous that's selfish and postponing having kids till I get hit by a lighting so I can be sure it's the right time.

But this is pretty funny. You just explained the whole reason I don't attend enrichment and despise get togethers and RS!!

Emmie {orange + barrel} said...

Okay, so I totally took this post as a joke, and it was super funny.

Christa said...

So dead on it's sad. This conversation happened in our ward hallway about a girl who used to bein our ward until she moved to Utah. I couldn't believe these women asking why she wasn't pregnant yet, then when her sister said that "there were problems medically" they didn't even say oh we're sorry they said tell her to start fasting. I can't say anything though, I have twins, and I fast all the time to have triplets, not greedy or selfish...I'm just being open to single handedly bring all those precious little souls into this world, right through my womb.

Maria said...

best post ever!

Jillsywillsy said...

Just tell her to stop being selfish. That's what people said to me before I had my kid (while I was trying and while I wasn't).

Oh, and if she does have a baby and goes back to work to pay the bills while her husband is in school, be sure to ask her why she just doesn't go on food stamps (heard that one too).

Kenna said...

This is all too familiar. After years of infertility I have learned how to laugh at people who make comments like that.

Some of my favorites...

'Do you have ANY good eggs?'

'Maybe you aren't living the gospel with exactness.'

'This would work out if you would have more faith, go to the temple, and stop drinking coke.'

Riiiiight, well, I'll just jump into my brand new, leather seated Jeep, go on a shopping spree, go to PF Changs for dinner, and come home with out any remorse because I have a career, money and am debt free.

Way to hit the nail on the head.