- Hit the gym. The best gift you can give your wife is a hot husband. When my pecs bounce she goes nuts. Seriously.
- Whatever you buy, make sure it's full price. Sales look good, but don't do it. Trust me. If you didn't pay full price, women can smell it. Don't ask how or why. it's a fact of life.
- Jewelry. Girls love stuff with meaning. So, make up whatever it's supposed to mean before you give it to her. This saves tons of time and helps you seem deep.
- Clothes. Buying her clothes is dumb. Gift cards are better. It's how girls work. Let her shop her head off. If you pick something out yourself, you'll be sorry. If you insist on buying her stuff (but trust me bro, don't), always buy a couple sizes too small. Girls love that. The only exception to this rule is bras.
- For reasons we'll never understand, redbox and pizza is unacceptable. I don't know why either, but they flip out every time. Even if they say it's okay, it's not. Seriously.
- Spa stuff. This is tough. She probably wants a pedicure. However, she could lose it if she thinks you're hinting that her feet are gross. Same with salon stuff. She'll be all "You hate my hair don't you?" or "Are you saying I need a facial bc I'm zitty?" If possible, do a general GC for pampering. This you can always spin as less "Revamp those nasty toes" and more "You deserve a break, angel wife."
- Vacations. First, call it a vaycay. I don't get why. Just do. She'll think it's cute you pay attention to her lingo. Second, you can probably get it for free with credit card points. TAMN racks up enough on my AmEx we get a free cruise every year. Do NOT let her know it's free. Tell her you had to work late for a month to pay for it. This is a great time to watch the R-rated movies she flips out about or else play Xbox.
- In case of backfire: if she hates what you got her, don't panic. Twist whatever she screamed at you into something seductive. For example, she yells, "I am not wearing that in public!" You smile and say, "I never intended you to, baby." Pec flexing ensues.
Happy holidays. Later.
(you can also see these tips in the November/December 2009 issue of Wasatch Woman Magazine)
55 comments:
oh my LOL
JJWT. Your a genuis. TAMNs a lucky gal.
AwEsOmE!!! My JJWT always wins me over with the pec flex!!
I am so making my hubby read these... best advice from a guy ever!
Oh so true.
Also remember that if it has an actually use, it's not a gift.
Needs storage, get scorage! Booyah!
Gift cards are better. Let her shop her head off & Whatever you buy, make sure it's full price.
Awesome
I feel sick, but I totally relate to JJWT right now.
Holy crap this is priceless. My favorite post ever.
You nailed it there Mr. Pecs! Hahaha. Still laughing.
Ensues, huh? I'd give a bloke married to a TAMN about 6.53% chance of using that one in a sentence. Spelling and punctuation also unrepresentative. Unless they've got a Westley/Buttercup kinda thing going on. Amusing nonetheless ;-)
oh, i love this blog so much.
i love that jjtw has a gun case.
JJWT! You are soooooo funny. I want a hott bf just like you.
Gold. Pure, pure gold.
P.S. Moniker Challenged, JJWT is a great speller and has a vocab that blows TAMN's mind. He's in law/biz/med/dental school! Remember, HE'S book smart, SHE'S hair smart.
"Are you saying I need a facial bc I'm zitty?" might be my favorite line.
Hahaha! Love this!
The JJWT ones scare me more than the TAMN ones.
JJWT I heart you!
Ahhhhh JJWT I MISSED Yooooooooou!
Ahhhhh JJWT I MISSED Yooooooooou!
Not as good when it is JJWT ::frownsmile::
Are you saying TAMN has nasty feet and acne?
i am making my hubby read this... right. now. thanks JJWT! TAMN is so lucky
I think you need to hang out with my hubby to drop some of these hints like ASAP so my Christmas can be merrier. Maybe you can work out together by your "When wife is happy life is happy" sign?
this reminds me of my all-time favorite gift-giving advice for guys:
www.rinkworks.com/romantic
Mwah! ha! What a gem!
sweetie, your blog header broke!!! I'd get JWTT to fix it stat!
Please tell me there isn't really a magazine called Wasatch Woman. . . oh my!
This is seriously my fav post of all time
Hmm, I love Redbox and pizza...
LOVE. THIS.
Paula, not only is there a magazine called Wasatch Woman but our dear TAMN, I mean JJWT, is IN it...awesome.
This whole thing amazes me. I LOVE IT.
Ever considered polygamy, JJWT? I'd want in. I mean, you're the guy that knows what all the girls really want and think. I'm just saying... it could be an option.
If TAMN (or rather JJWT) contributes to Wasatch Woman, then does Annette contribute to Sasquatch Woman?
this was hilarious. just freakin hilarious.
What a breath of fresh air - Tamn you have been sooo flat the last few months - this sparks with all of the charm of when you started this blog....
Loved this post!
what the H is "wasatch woman magazine"?
I'm so glad JJWT is as vapid as TAMN. It is good when couples are paired equally. :)
(I'm hoping your vapidity ensures you don't actually know the definition of vapid)
Looks like Wasatch Woman magazine is real...
Somewhere in the world, Betty Friedan is doing a half gainer in her grave.
Lol! Awesome awesome.
You are totally funny! But really, really wise. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, but especially for sharing your pecs... I mean heart.
ROFLMBO
Oh my freak, JJWT You're a genius. But you forgot to mention how if you were actually a good husband, you'd take pictures of all the "cute" stuff she does. Frownsmile.
love, alice
"I never intended you to, baby"! I love it!
JJWT posts are ALWAYS my favorites. THANKS!!!!
"when my pecs bounce she goes nuts"... I could read that all day. Awesome.
Actually, these JJWT posts make me smile a LOT. They hold too much truth.
niiiiiice. "You hate my hair don't you?"
Laughing!!
pec flexing ensues? Beyond hilarious
I think the perfect gift for me would be for my husband to not only pick up and clean up all the mess he makes, but vacuum, dust the furniture and wash the dishes more than once a year!
Actually I don't mind if my hubster buys me something on sale . . . cause with the money he saved on that he can just buy me more!
JJWT,
if I were married and my husband bought me a bra that was bigger than what I actually wear I'd punch him in the face.
Of course I am in law school so I am a sad frump.
hahahaha! this may be my favorite post ever :)
Miranda and Renny -- Can we be friends?? I would never have put Betty Friedan and half gainer in the same sentence, but the result is amazing. And from one law school frump to another, I totally agree.
So funny~
TAMN, this is divine. Let your hot husband know, would you? TY
*dies*...OMG...for real. This is my fave.
this is one of the funniest posts I've ever read.
can we frame it?
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