January 23, 2010

yvette's not so fairwell

do you guys have any idea how long i've been perfecting my ponder pout and vibratto to sing and be a Window To His Love for my spinstie friend Yvette's fairwell?? She never expspecifically ASKED me to sing but it was def implied, only come to find out get this she and her wierdest sister who doesn't even have bangs is playing the chello.

Seriously??

I've choosen to be offended.

41 comments:

Frau said...

A well-forced vibrato comes from righteous emotions and not from years and years of practicing vocal support and proper vocal coaching. Practice and lessons are the world's way of trying to get talents that God didn't give you and totally against the plan.

I'm sure Yvette and her weird sister took lessons for their cello. That's probably why they are still single.

It's OK to be offended. Normally, I think it's righteous for people choose not to be offended no matter how I insult them, insinuate that they are unworthy, or explain how their choices are so wrong. OK, so sometimes people have really hard choices that I've never had to make, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't choose better in their shoes.

But when it's a total slap in the face, it's OK to be offended.

Mhana said...

GIRLCOTT!!! The best thing to do is send her on her way wondrin' if your still friends 'cause in the MTC they don't email and unless you right her she'll just have to carry the burden and trust me, she'll know why. Also, make a big deal about how they aren't supposed to HAVE farwells anymore so she's basically leaving with the shadow of apostacy over her head. Also, try to figure out when her P-Day is at the MTC so you can make sure you drive by/HAPPEN to be on a super romantic dinner set up right in front of the temple 'cause JJWT wanted to reenact his second proposal to you/declare you HAVE to play volleyball on the MTC cort/walk by with a HUGE FroYo so she'll regret her choice. Maybe put a sign in your back window that says "Girls can leave at any time, no descrase, YVETTE" and just park out front.

Whatever you do, make sure ya reinforce that only ugly spinsties serve missions and putting on that tag says "I've totally given up."

Lotsa good ideas there.

Allison said...

The chello?!? I bet she plays something from th hymnbook that isn't even by Lex de Azevedo or Janice Kapp Perry. Not even spiritchal.

Gigi said...

Not to be judgemental, but who wants to listen to music without words? How are you supposed to feel the spirit that way?

AzĂșcar said...

I was really looking forward to you putting up the boombox to the microphone and hitting play and then singing yer guts out.

Next time.

Cheryl said...

You can only sing it if it's in the style of "Jesus is my boyfriend" with lots and lots of scoopy notes. Please?

Nahl said...

You should be! That's not fair!

The Boob Nazi said...

The chello? Ew. I'm sure your singing would be SO MUCH better.

kris... said...

NO bangs? Are you serious? What a disaster it's going to be! WOW! I feel awful for Yvette to have such a horrible send off.

Jessica said...

Ugh. I'd be offended too! Like, what was she thinking? Obviously you singing would be so much more spiritual than some LAME chello. And her sister? Yikes. The spinster thing prolly runs in the family. Let me guess, the sister is 23 and single, huh?

Camie Rae Coles said...

As you should be! Who wants to be forced to listen to a skreetchy old cello anyway!?

Tracy said...

They might as well both declare to the entire ward they are never getting married and would rather live together as spinster sisters in an old farmhouse with 10 cats. Gross.

Steve & Alli said...

Ew, the cello? Who even plays that instrument anymore? I would opt for something so much less frumpy, like an electric guitar... Or wait... You need to pay one of those guys from the YSA to bust out the acoustic and play some good 'ole Eric Clapton "Only Words", def feel the spirit everytime I hear that one *tear* poor Yvette, I bet she's never had a boy take her to the parking lot and play her that song during a dance...

L.Jo said...

TAMN, surely you of all people can see what Yvette is doing! She's putting her talents on display in a last desperate attempt to get a proposal as soon as sacrament is over so she doesn't have to go. Isn't it obvious?!?!

One of my high school friends had an older sister who was going to go on a mission, but one of her guy friends came to her farewell and after hearing her speak AND sing he knew he had to propose, and now they have four kids - true story!

I say good job Yvette for taking one last shot to get married before she goes!

missOlea said...

Frau!!! I love you as much as I love Mhana! Where is your blog?

The Bradley's said...

Oh I hope L.Jo's right!

Brooke said...

Too bad, TAMN. You're one of the best singers of Inspirational FluffRock that I know.

Token Asian Friend said...

You'd think she'd choose someone closer than a sister. So sad.

Melinda said...

Is it just me or is your spelling becoming increasingly creative? Not judging. Just imprest. (Cute winky face.)

clan of the cave hair said...

oh no! But at least you can still do your well-practiced laying of your head on your hubby's shoulder as you close your eyes and lift your perfectly plumped lips to heaven. Plus, if you DO that, you'll not only look uber spirichal, you'll also avoid having to catch a glimps of the weird sister's 3/4 length long underwears that will peek out of her calf'length skirt she'll wear because she likes it, not even because she's gonna straddle a chello (IN THE CHAPEL FOR GOODNESS SAKES!) I'd even bet there'll be some l'eggs $0.99 sheer knee-hi's involved. Its just a disaster waiting to happen, but don't you worry, you'll look great through the whole thing.

Tarnation said...

Evryone knows the cute instrament to play is the flute. I mean have you ever watched Mo-tab on tv? ( I kinda had to) They always show the cute girl playing the flute when they show the band.

a fan said...

Hahahaha. Straddling the cello in the chapel. That killed me! And no bangs? wow.

Ru said...

Ew.

The cello?

Not the piano or flute or violin or something else that makes dainty sounds?

No wonder she has to go on a mission.

Laura said...

She doesn't have bangs? That really does add insult to injury. Let me guess... weird sister is also single? I hope they play something by Michael McLean or Michael Buble, and not that classical stuff that drives the spirit right out the window.

Little Lovables said...

Well, just sneak up behind them while they are playing and start using sign language to the lyrics and work your way to the front of the podium.

They will NEVER know and you will look so hot and spiritchal that you took time to learn to sign... better yet, have the twinsess sign it too.

Little Lovables said...

and ps... isn't ASKED s'pposed to be AXED?

Future Mama said...

Seriously.. That's tragic! And no bangs? That's the worst part of it all!

lou said...

LOVE IT!!!!!!!

kris and judd said...

I rilly hate to say this, but Yvette is beeing selfish and making this farewell all about HERSELF instead of letting others lights shine. Who performs a musical number at their OWN FAREWELL?!?!? Kinda desperate if you ask me.

Mary said...

What?! You're too good for "In This Very Room"??!!

Stephanie said...

little loveable's idea is perfect, and of course you must do it!! I'm sure you were planning on it anyway. The cello is my favorite instrument, but, yeah, it's a little inappropriate for the chapel I would think. Well good luck on whatever you decide to do.

Muum said...

'I have choosen to be offended'- well, who woodn't?? I mean how cood you not be ofended!!

Sarah F said...

no bangs and i'm SURE not cute ponder pout.

Meg said...

"I've choosen to be offended." Love it!

Kateka said...

You should probably sit on the stand, since it was implied that you'd perfom, er, sing, than once the frumpy sister is finished, you can get up and sing anyway.

Laurel said...

Hey, at least you recognize it's a choice! Impressive, TAMN! ;)

Vanessa Contessa said...

ew.

searieasly, can Yvette get any lamer?

Karen said...

you should sing: In the Hallow of His Hand


everyone knows missions are for boys

Jewel said...

Expespecifically?

I love you, TAMN. You really rock.

Melinda in the Jello Belt said...

I love Frau's comment. Seriously.

JenniferKaryn said...

someday my win will come.