May 20, 2010

frumpity frump bump

You guys, not to depress you but Ruth's friend baby shower last weekend?

{{hushed devastated whisper}}

Ew.

Bad enough she's not finding out gender---boaring--and that everyone there had nasty hair and spent the whole time talking about parenting instead of nurseries but there was seriously no theme. It's like, why even HAVE a party if there's not an unrelated subject for everything to matchy matchy such as owls or ladybug's or trucks?

The dishes and treats and invites? Nothing "tied" them "together." ALL CLASHING COLORS.

No centerpiece's.

No darling specialty treats.

No favors.

No diaper cake, no cupcakes, no dipped strawberries.

No water bottles at all, let alone ones w/ the labels replaced w/ paper that matched the non-existant theme.

Guys, not to freak you out but there was no banner.

Anywhere! I searched!

Ugh. The baby's not even borne yet and already has so much to overcome...it'll prolly never get asked to guestpost anywhere.

52 comments:

Laraine Eddington said...

It's sad to see a baby born under a black cloud of uncoordination...it might as well be a nuclear mushroom cloud.

MaryBeth said...

I can't stop ugly crying...

Kym said...

wow!

Kristina P. said...

PLEASE tell me they at least did that poopy diaper game with the candy bars, or the one with the tiny little baby in the ice cube.

This is just depressing.

Mellifera said...

Don't worry TAMN, let me tell you all about the time I took my frumpy to a prissy baby shower and judged everyone. One girl was struggling to nurse her brand-new baby under a nursing cover-- even though there was NOTHING BUT OTHER MOMS in the building-- because she thought the nursing cover was so supercute that she just had to show it off to everyone. She was struggling, the baby was crying, and she was doing her best to be all polished and sassy-cute about it.

It made me want to say "Give it up darling, there's no use pretending there's anything else cuter than your nekkid breast." 'Cause obviously the need to get the baby fed wasn't enough incentive, might as well appeal to her sassy-cute side.

Frau said...

Ugh. Parenting. I cannot believe that there are so many mommies out there who have nothing better to talk about.

Just the other day I was talking to some frumpie who said that she didn't coupon, didn't quilt customized blankets, and didn't scrapbook. My sister said it best: what is the point of staying at home then?

Mhana said...

Take comfort. If everyone were as awesome/cute/popular/darling as your children, they'd have nobody to feel superior too! I can't wait to be Tridger's primary teacher and hear him brag about how he lives in a mansion, as though something he did brought that about! And I can't wait for Alivyiah to tell all the young womens that she never wears the same outfit twice to church! Believe me, if everyone were as darling as you, you wouldn't like it at all.

Kris said...

What a burden than child will bare. Good thing you're in the family to influence.

britums said...

I've just found you and already you've brought such joy to my life!

myimaginaryblog said...

I hold the calling formerly known as "Personal, Home, and Family Enrichment Counselor" and now simply known as Relief Society 2nd Counselor (which is still quite a mouthful). I have taken to heart quotes from General Relief Society President Julie Beck, such as the following one from the 2008 BYU Women's Conference:

"There is so much work to be done and it's not fancy. We can't decorate it, we can't put a theme to it. It doesn't center around holidays, it's just daily doing the things that demonstrate we know who we are. WE know what we committed to do before we were born. We know our responsibilities here. We seek every day to do the best that we can."

As you have probably guessed, I'm not the most popular 2nd-Counselor-formerly-known-as-Enrichment-Counselor. In fact, I just realized I'm like a Ruth of Relief Society.

Baby showers, on the other hand, have no excuse not to be fancy. I feel so bad for Ruth's future child with his or her foreordained frumpiness.

Sally T. said...

Was the mummy-to-be just so embarrassed?! And not knowing the gender?!?!?! How does she know what to paint the nursery?! What color bibs to buy?! How will she coordinate wall murals with cribs with gliders with stuffed toys with a bed bumper with the diapers?!?!? Who would through such a dismal party, clearly spelling doom for the unborn child.

Jessica said...

Ew. That's just sad. That kid has like no future. I bet they didn't even have cutesie games to go with the no-theme. And probably the baby clothes she was given were in all neutral colors. Gross.

Sarah said...

Oh my heck! Was this shower really in ZION??? Sounds totally icky! I'm so glad you went though - I bet you were the only cute/sassy/vintage thing there. I have a feeling you'll need to be WAY involved in this baby's life to make sure he/she (weird!) is even remotely normal! (And by normal I mean just like you.) Even if frumptser Ruth doesn't want your help - she clearly doesn't know what's important. Parenting? Sheesh! How are you supposed to do that without a darling nursery???

Jessica said...

That's not even a party. It sounds like a funeral. I'm horrified.

jdb in AZ said...

It IS rather diffiult to choose a theme when the momma doesn't know whether she's expecting a future fireman or a princess. Which means all the clothes and accessories at the shower have to be generic. yucko!

I attended a frumpy shower recently where they served ice cream right out of the containers, and not wanting it to melt, they put it back in the freezer before all the guests arrived. But those who went without refreshments were the lucky ones. The hostess raises chickens (inside city limits) and when the outside temps drop too low she lets the chickens in the house.

Michelle Simmons said...

How will that poor baby ever know it is loved?! No theme that is just a hey-nous crime! No wonder Ruth is so frumpy.

Janine said...

Tho I totally LOVES your blog, I dont like to leave comments. But this post really got to me, ya know? I'm totally having MY baby shower in a couple weeks and i'm SHOKED that you gave up your mega-important weekend for this LAME one. I mean, I bet they didn't even have GAMES. Like birthing the ice-cube baby or guessing what candy bar made the "poopy" diaper!! mega frown-smile!
And my FAV game-- measuring the baby bump with string and gussing how many inches it is! Its' the perfect time to talk about how YOUR bump was WAY smaller & peeps didnt now yr prego til like, 7 months cuz you used this hypno-methid to train the fetus to stay far in yr body instead of popping out front and recking yr belly-button cuteness!

Kari said...

uMMMM...
pretty much
the
SADDEST
thing
ev-
er.

Token Asian Friend said...

I bet the cake was home made (and not the cute home made), and probably didn't even have fondant on it.

Beth said...

Poor Ruth's spawn. Ewww! I can't believe it will be your twinsies' cuzzin.
Ewwwwwww

Lisa said...

Ew is right. But don't worry~you can give her a shower for her SECOND baby, and show her how it's supposed to go. Don't give a thought to the old rule of first and fifth babies. That's as old fashioned as a sister wife.

Melissa C said...

So tragic! You will have to step in and throw her a rill shower once you are all done with the graduation biz. But with all your parties and stuff, the baby will prolly already be born.

Carolyn said...

I enjoy that the decorative title of your blog now has a banner in the upper-left corner. That is all.

Stepper the Mighty said...

No BANNER?!

that's just sick.

Autumn Lynn said...

The sad thing is the baby will probably grow up to have just as nasty hair, gasp!

b.fox* said...

New follower. :) :) : ) :) :) :) :)

LOOOve your blog. :)

Sarah said...

Okay, I was hoping the ice cube baby thing was a fluke when I read the first comment but the second one made me go and Google it. Seriously??? Seriously??? Naked floating babies???

Ick.

Cristin said...

This is so dead on, it's scary. Hey, I think you need to do a post with pictures and make them HUGE like everyone does on their blogs now.

Little Lovables said...

Was there not any pom poms hanging from the ceiling?

I'm always baffled by people who don't focus more on the nurseries than the child either.

Julia said...

I'm morbidly curious so I had to Google those games people mentioned...words fail me. I'm so glad people don't even bother to invite me to baby showers anymore. This stuff is even worse than what I knew I was missing when I started declining those invitations years ago.

Heather said...

Thank you for this post. I've been waiting for something like this.

And thank you Token Asian Friend for the fondant comment.

megan said...

I think it'll be a girl and based on the shower I'm pitchering a mullet-haired (cuz Mama is desperate for it to be long) little ragamuffin with an unfortunate wardrobe as your new niece. Um, congrats Auntie Tamn . . .

Renny said...

Okay TAMN, you have crossed a line.
Don't ever mock chocolate covered strawberries again.
Everyone should have them.
At everything.
The best fruit.
Dipped in the best substance known to womankind.
And you just mocked it.
My soul died a little, usually I think this blog is funny, but that is taking it too far.

Anna said...

I just fill comforted that you are in Ruth's life (and soon her babes) so that way they can have true prespective on whats rilly important! Maybe those poor ugly-haired dears just had no idea the significance a banner has. Be sure to go ON and ON about your baby shower and the cute and awesome baby showers you go to and point out all the things missing from frumpster's like Ruth's parties. Srsly, I bet their just clueless and need, neigh, want your guidance.

yours truly dear said...

umm...guilty of doing wrapped mini water bottles in scrapbook paper for my SIL's shower last year. i'm mildly embarassed, but at least i didnt have a banner. hahaha.

Brooke said...

Hey, TAMN . . . I know you keep referring to this as Ruth's "friend" shower, as if it were just a prelude to a family shower, then the coworker shower, then the GNO shower . . .

But here is the shocker: this is probably the ONLY shower Ruth is going to have.

SAD!

Nikki said...

TAMN, this is a baby in need... clearly. Its times like these that say - you have to give charity. Babies should never have to be born into a world that is so un-cute. Please Tamn. Help the children.

Little GrumpyAngel said...

maybe the hostess was poh and you can step in as sister in Zion and throw another coordinated color-matchy party so someday when the baby is all growed up she can see pictures of her cool baby shower and won't feel so inferior. that's the CTR thing to do.

debbie said...

Ruth's new baby can be your new project. (especially since your twinners can no way play with her kid the way things are now.)It won't be your fault if the kid wants to be with his/her favorite aunt more than be at home with Ruth. Who wouldn't rather be with you?

Mandy said...

love this post....so dead on.

Tracy said...

TAMN, you are going to be SUCH a blessing to that poor, deprived baby. If it's a girl, you should totally take her for mani/pedis for her first birthday and get her ears pierced too. You'll have to teach her early that her mom is no kind of role model. Ruth will get over it when she likes you better. Everyone should have a favorite aunt!

Ces't La Vie said...

it's like she doesn't even love her baby or something...

Shannon said...

Oh no! I'm throwing a shower (in ZION no less) and I didn't pick a theme! Nor do I have a banner! Or water bottles! Or something that ties all the food together! And the mom is having a girl but hates pink and so she's using a gender neutral yellow. This does not bode well. I thought it was going to be fun and practical, but upon reading this post, I'm realizing that I'm throwing one downer of a party. Help!

Marci said...

She's probably going to have the baby at home!

: ) Paula said...

Yay for Shannon!!!!!

Chelle said...

Eeeww! Feel free to come to my baby shower if you're in So Cal next weekend (land of the tan-righteous), my shower is all about the theme (Dr. Suess), candy bar, fondant cake & if there is no banner I will cry!!! Ugh..how is it even possible to throw a party with no theme!?!?!

Shaylyn said...

That kid doesn't stand a chance.

dharvey said...

I have never heard of a baby shower in Zion that didn't have a theme. Or a banner ! Undoubtably, that is the wierdest thing ever. You'll will have to teach Ruth how its done. :-) Love you, XOXO.

Jennifer said...

Chelle sounds like you're going to have a trash kickn' party...but shouldn't you have written "Cali" instead of So Cal? At least that's what I thought all Utah Mormons called it.

Stephanie said...

Gracious. That child will have trials for sure, but you will be the safe haven for the child. Just always be there for him/her. How else will the child ever know that "your" "you're" and "ur" are all the same word? How else will s/he know that big hair is the same as righteousness? How else will s/he know the difference between an immodest and a modest bikini? This child you, TAMN. God knew the kid couldn't go to you for timing reasons, so the kid gets as close to you as possible. This child is actually YOUR responsibility.

Susie said...

The centerpiece's were boaring?

Anonymous said...

Do you really think that you are that cool? Just about every post I have read on your blog is selfish, vein and rude. You must thrive off of gossip. How freaking Rude! You are a brat and not funny at all.