October 9, 2008

Economic Roler Coaster!!

Rather not think about bummers BUT since tons of my e-BFFs are worried AND all my girls in the school wives club look to me as there leader, here goes...


All anyone's talking about these days is bell-outs! PUKE!


If your bummed about Wall Street and the feds spending a bumload of cash on ugly houses or whatever (details weird me out), never fear, TAMN is here! For an immediate short-term fix, trust me, a carb fest will help a ton. Seriously, everyone just relax and scarf some roles and pasta. In an emergency, come over to my place and will bust into my year's supply of Orbitz, and if you can't afford a pedi we'll get the MiaMaids on it stat. Longer term, CHILL OUT! The economy binged and now it's just gotta purge. Trust me...our houses and handbags'll be bigger and better than ever in zero time. How does TAMNers know this, you ask???


Guys, the same thing totally happened to Britney.


It's like a modern-day pride cycle, and those ALWAYS work out well. Remember how Brit was awesome and hot with a rockin' bod and cute boys loved her, then all of a sudden she was a fat druggie hag clawing at camras and her cutie kids had to go with creepy thugged-out K-Fed while she was in germy downer rehab? Remember how all the quote-un-quote experts said her carreer was over, they said she'd totally crashed and burned and there was no hope and the years of riotis living had caught up with her, end of story??


YOU GUYS! IT'S JUST LIKE THE ECONOMIES!


All the so-called experts are flipping out, shrieking "It's gonna be worse than the Great Depression!" (which honestly, would it be that bad?? Black and white is cool, everyone was super skinny back then AND raggy = vintage = HOT so I say, bring it! My forlorn slash hungry pout is one of my cutest). Anyways, everyone saying the economies are toast is just like when everyone said fatty Brit was here to stay. Guess what, America!? Haters were wrong! Did you SEE all those VMAs and how she's hot again??? Have you LOOKED at the top 10 on itunes lately?? Just like Britney, the econ's gonna come back hotter than EVER. So ok, maybe we as a nation have to go through our own custody probs, psychyatric evals, bad slash crazy hairdos, etc., but then the USA will have its own economic version of BRITNEY IS FREAKING BACK!

Our economy now:

Our economy soon:

106 comments:

kim e said...

that was awesome...thank you TAMN for helping me understand it all. where would i be without you?

~*~*~Britni~*~*~ said...

OMG, TAMN, that is so true!! You know sooooo much about ecanomics! Your my hero!!!!!! <3

Kerry said...

Classic, classic, classic TAMN. Binge and purge? Dare I say, one of the best yet.

Kristina P. said...

TAMN, I think that all world events could be compared to the Britney cycle.

When Britney was BFF's with Paris? That was like when the President was friends with Osama Bin Laden, back in the day.

When Britney flashed her hoohah a million times? Hurricane Katrina.

cheri said...

You're right--the pride cycle DOES always end well! Welcome back Britney and my money!

Carly said...

I feel SO much better about theconomy knowing We'll pull through like brit. Thanks for being SO positive TAMN!

Token Asian Friend said...

Thank you for helping me see the light! I never knew there was an UP side to the Great Depression! Now I'm kinds excited for the recession!

Kellie Buckner said...

I'm always so grateful for your positive outlook on things! Thanks!

ramsam said...

TAMN-
you r totally on to something. Think how cheap manis, pedis, and cute shoes could get, if evrything tanks! I am so excited!!!! Although I drove by Wal-mart and the parking lot was PACKED!

DId people still shop in droves during the cool vintage depression?
If not, then this is different.
Oh well.

Nelson Family said...

That was AWESOME!

Abby said...

You must have been so inspired today to write about this. I've been like so bummed slash worried about the economy, but now I totally understand that everything is fine and in a little while our economy will be back at the VMA's with a rockin' bod. Seriously TAMN, I feel so much better. Thanks for being so righteous and listening to the spirit and blogging about this.

MidCityGal said...

Yeah, it's true. All a recession means is that stores are going to be selling TONZ of cute things on sale now. 30-40-50% OFF! We should all spend our money on the things that are really important: pedis, baby headbands, Anthro, hawt boots, etc.

Misty said...

Seriously so glad somebody sees it the same as me.

Megz said...

I think you should defiantly teach economics in grad school. But who is the Bell Out person? Brit's dad or K-Fed? This would make a great debate on TV and should replace the boring ones with Brock and Grampa.

Tiffany said...

I'm voting for you for president.

K and/or K said...

I think Britney should do a cover of Justin's sexyback song that goes, "I'm bringing Wall Street back...you Freddie Mac's don't know how to act..." Can you hear it?

Jen said...

That was awesome. I think you should email that to everyone in the world. Then they would all chill out and just start getting their outfits ready for the big night instead of freakin'.

Whitney R said...

Few! I feel so much better now.

Erin The Great said...

Well thought out. So at least when the economy is settling down and we're not hearing much aboutit, it's like when Brit was in seclusion and hiding out...

Soon our economy will do a spot light on 'How I Met Your Mother' and all will be good. Hot economy will be back and your poor Mia Maids will be freed from thier Pedi duties! Rock On!

Annette Lyon said...

That just totally put it into perspective. You're so smart.

GladysIcanbee said...

Thank you TAMN for reminding me about the need to get my year's supply up to date. I have all the ingredents for yummy funeral potatoes, a bumload of wheat and honey but totally forgot the Orbitz. I love being part of the plan; people can look and see how blessed we are and know that they totally screwed up their lives and they'll ask slash beg for my help. UR my heero.

Julia said...

you are sheer genious. genious, i tell you.

stewbert said...

ROFLOL

salty c-snake said...

feel so much less bummed. just in case though, what do you have in your 72 hr kit/food storage??

Kayley said...

Thanks, I'm so happy to know that everything will be fine. And I love the top picture of Brit- it sums up her life.

Tiburon said...

I feel so much better about everything now!

nDpndntmoose said...

hey everyone!! VOTE FOR TAMN!!! no, seriously. ok, so TAMN hasn't mentioned anything about this so the spirit has been prompting me to let you all know. TAMN's been nominated for some BLOGGER'S CHOICE AWARDS but voting ends on OCTOBER 16th. that's only one week away!! eeek. seriously time to rally the masses and make sure that our cutest TAMN wins the internet beauty/popularity contest!! ok, so there are some links on the right side of the page just above TAMN's cute smiley facebook link. they say "this site was nominated for . . . " and there are 3 different categories you can vote for. get the word out!!! TAMN totally deserves it!!

Willis Family said...

Why watch the news when I can just look to TAMN for all of my political and economical information. Thanks TAMN!

Chelsea said...

Thank you! This is the only thing I've ever read about economics that actually makes sinse!

Sadie, Corey and Cailyn said...

I so get it now. Thanks!

Ashley and Nolan said...

Thanks Tamn, you really put things into perspective, and to think I was worried and trying to save a little each month.

kmmclain said...

Classic. Thank you for explaining it in such simple, picturesque, language. You ROCK!

pixiepoo said...

Does that mean the economy is going to get some rad hair extensions ??????!!!!!!!!!!!!

jana said...

freakin hilarious is all i have to say!

Tat said...

TAMN, great anologie on the economy. I totally get the Brittany comparison pics - but who is that uggo in the blue shirt and tie? Did you post a weird picture by mistake or something?

KatieM said...

Gesh, Tamn, with that insight and modern day analogy to one of Hollywood's former and soon to be, again hottest stars, you really should consider being the writer for all the G.C.'s talks...just a suggestion. I think sister beck would really appreciate your inspired words!

Shelli said...

Thank you for giving a tired old lady a good laugh this morning! Dang, I needed that.

The Petersons said...

Whew! I feel so much better now! Thanks for putting things into perspective! I totally get it now! America just needs to go on a diet and I think I can go with the flow on that one!

Kristin said...

Thank you SO much TAMN, I couldn't understand the economies in like CNN Money language, but then your smart (and hot) self made this like incredible parable. The only news I read is People...so I totally understood this more than those ug charts and stuff. I think the best we can do it hop in our SUV's get to nordies, and rack up some debt on the platinum! Now that is helping the economies out!!

Mina said...

O. M. Gsh!!! Did you mentshon you're school wives club becuz of my comment on your last post!?? BAAA! I totally NEW we were eBFFs and now I like, RILLY totally no it! Love ya, TAMN!

I'm so re-leaved that all we rilly need to do is get the AIG guys some blond extenshons wall there at the spa ... and everything'll be cool. PHEW!

Chelle said...

The economies pale in comparison to the close-up picture they put on the cover of Newsweek mag! AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN AIRBRUSH. How very imbarrassing for our dear Sarah Paylin!

Kate said...

Thank you for your wisdom regarding the economy - I ALMOST traded in my Escalade on a Ford Focus(gasp).

And Midcitygal, forget the % off - think of the going out of biz sales - we're talking 80% off.

I can afford my toy hauler! wahoo.

Wendy said...

TAMN--You are the funniest (and wisest) person I've ever know . . . er, at least, read.

You're pure talent!

Jacque said...

TAMNERS! This has totally cleared things up for me. I didn't get anything until you compared it to Britney! DUH! So clear now. Line upon Line, right?

Dave/Rilla said...

I love reading the posts and then the replies make it even sillier...

Russtafarian said...

HOLY COW!! I have never thought that someone could come up with such a valley-girl interp. of the economy.

TAMNers has done it again.

Carli Webb said...

you are so smart Tamn! I wish that I was as smarts as you is!

The Petterssons said...

I never would have compared the economy to Britt, but your totally right! We'll have a huge comeback.

jhjonze said...

Something on that post needs to be a t-shirt! I would wear it everyday. I vote for "the same thing happened to Britney."

Also, TAMN, you should totally teach Economy at Weber! I think they would really benefit from your fresh take on things!

Andrea Jolene said...

"The economy binged and now it's just gotta purge." I'm really not sure how to explain the economy better than comparing it to an eating...er..."issue." I laughed long and loud at that one.

Lisa said...

Wow, I feel so much better now, you're way more enlightened than that Bernake guy.

BYU Athletic Supporter said...

Will you help me with my retirement portfolio?

Dave and Catherine said...

TAMN,
Totally loved this! You are so knowledgeable about current events! Please post more like this so that I can understand all of those frowny newscaster guys!

Pincockbears said...

and i guess for now... the economy has to wear a wig since we're pretty much shaving our heads.

Amy said...

That was priceless...so was the look on my boss's face when he walked past my office and saw me reading your blog and laughing hysterically..thanks!!

Jen said...

You should host Mad Money! It totally all makes sense now! TAMN for prez!

Allison said...

I was so worried but now I'm not! U r so smart!

Hizzeather said...

Kristina P. is hilarious! Almost as hilarious at TAMN...almost. :)

Sheridan said...

I do feel so much better now. This post was as good as your guide on who to vote for president. :)

crystal said...

Can't stop laughing!!! But you're right on the money and you should consider a position in politics. You could get a job with the Obama campaign.

SAHM: Surviving Assorted Home Mayhem said...

"My forlorn slash hungry pout is one of my cutest." Best line.

Lova ya, TAMNers!

kristi said...

Now, if only the econ profs in the colliges could "get it" the way you do . . .

Also, don't be afraid to look for longer (okay, older icons) than Brit. Even though she did turn it around, there are some who have been around even longer than her. (I know, hard to imagine, but true.)

Now, just share your theories with Wall St., so we can have some of our retirement funds to use on bigger handbags, and of course more lipstick! THANKS for making me smile.

marcie said...

This was ENLIGHTENING. I finally understand all of this mumbo-jumbo that everyone talks about NON-STOP. It's like "Hit Me Baby One More Time" now has personal meaning in my life every day the DOW continues to fall.

Thanks TAMN-- and I would so rather look at your cuteness that Chris Matthew's/Wolf Blitzer's ug face any day. Heart you and your brilliant and CUTE mind!

Melinda said...

Laffin' til I cried on your descripshun of the Great Depresshun!

Victoria Elder said...

Your wisdom keeps me going!

Nathaniel and Dorothy said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! Yes! THIS is what America needs!

linzipoo said...

Wow! That totally makes me feel better! I'll keep my pedi appointment today. Thanks for bringing this to my level. Whew!

Brit + Austin said...

You seriously need to learn how to spell. I cannot make it through one of your sentences without finding at least 4 spelling errors. It is so annoying! Please do us all a favor and type up your silly columns in a word document and use spell check before putting all of us through the pain and agony of reading your gramatical errors that even a second grader, could correct. Ps. YOUR is possessive and should never be used in sentences such as, Your sweet." My sweet? What does that mean? You're means YOU ARE...just a tip for ya.

-KJ said...

You totally uplifted my spirut with this post. I couldn't agree with you more that whole made rolls do the trick.

Things are tight around here, so no super fun shopping trips for now, but I was looking at all the clothes haining on my hainers and thought suck it up. I am seriously so blessed. Made me think of you. Love your guts!

Lisa said...

For brit + austin,

Do you ride the short bus? The errors in spelling are for dramatic effect slash satire. HELLO?

Hear's a idea fur ya: If your getting you're panties all in a twitter, stop reading.

(I added the errors fur ya cause I no you like it like dat. Have a great day beotch)

nDpndntmoose said...

hey brit + austin, i'm guessing you didn't get the memo . . . maybe YOUR new here. :D

Rachel said...

Chyeah, lyke even I get the spelling errors and I just started reading this lik a few wks ago!!
This is the 1st time I've commented though and omgeeee, TAMN, I love your blog. yr my herooo!

And also: I think this is the BOMBEST analogy I've ever heard of for this economic-thingy. I heart Britney! I mean, I stopped listening to her during her promiscuoous stage cos lyke the spirit tottallly went away when I heard those songs, but I own her first two albums and I'm going to be i-tunesing some more songs soon! she is like a total classic. yay for her!


And I just gotta say, my daddy works for WaMu and all, so it kinda sucks cause his company is all, lyk, shuting down and garbage, buuut I'm totally stoked now cos you pointed out the totally upsides of the Depression! I heart vintage tymes like infinity and bee-ond. And who understand government and economy fer rils anyway??? one word: OVERRATED.

love yoou and your cute fetuses!!!

Ailee said...

LUV the brit thing! But, Brit+Austen, CHILL OUT! if u cant go w/ the flow, get OUT of the riva! YIKEYS! Luv ya, TAMN!

and... if ur babies are girls, pleze name them sumthin cute that doesn't rime! rimin baby names is normal, and u r SO not! Ur miamaids are so lucky!

jenn said...

OK, how totally funny that you posted about Britney today because I SAW BRITNEY TODAY! I was in LA at the best cookie ice cream sandwich place there is (Diddy Riese) and all of a sudden there were photogs all over the place (TAMN I'm sure you know how annoying that can be) and along comes Britney to have some ice cream. IT was crazy! I must say she looked great on the VMA's but today she totally should've washed her hair before going out! Just like the economy, ups and downs!

Heidi Ashworth said...

Love the analogy!

Lisa and Brian said...

TAMN, you are pure jeanyuss. You just GET it!!

We totally need Brock to see the YOU-ESS-OF-A through this economic crisis. Only a hottie like him truly understands what we all need, even tho all the deets really bore me. YAWN.

Michelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bobie said...

Thanks for the insight TAMN.

Janet said...

I'm so glad you cleered this all up TAMN, because this Suze Ormond 5-step approach stuff on Oprah lately has just been WAY to hard to grasp. I definitely vote for the pouty slash hungry lip thing for a t-shirt.

Jennifer said...

How awesome is it that I was listening to Britney's new song just as I opened your blog?!?!

Lova ya and your crystal-clear explanation of downer economics!

Global Rock Set said...

Gotta say - that post was my favorite of all time! Classic.

Laura said...

Britney + Pride Cycle + Economy = Hill-air-e-us.
Thanks for keeping it real TAMN.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha ha ha Amazing what a little hair, a little make-up, a pretty little dress can do for a girl slash economy. You are so observant and insightful and wise. You shoulda been an English major.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

P.S. Didn't Brittany write Freakanomics? I loved that book.

AJ said...

I am so glad I read your blog post about the economies before I started stressing out about this too much. HELLO....worry lines are so NOT cool! I mean, you know the economies are bad when even the beautiful people like us have to hear about them and stuff. I don't even understand what those people are saying most of the time, so I am really freakin' greatfull that you can xplain this in terms I understand. I've always been a Britney fan, so I guess that means I'm a fan of the economies now too!

Mandy said...

Awesome post. The perfect analogy, especially with the "pride cycle" thrown in there!

Sue said...

So glad to hear we are only doin' one of those cycles (like in BOM). As for spelling, they are annoying, but extremely funny to those of us who can tell it's on purpose. Ingenious spelling and syntax errors are very HARD to produce. I can attest to that if I even TRY to do it.

Angela said...

TAMN, all I can say is, "i freaking heart you!" And you're so positive slash uplifting slash in tune!

Shannon said...

This is TOTALLY true--cuz member when everyone wuz predictin that Brit would be dead by the time she wuz 27? Hear she is, less than two month's from her 27th b-day, and she's hot, hot, hot (and not dead at all!).

The econ is going switch-mode, I tell ya.

Krissi said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA you funny

sprouted said...

This lifted my spirit and sent sunshine my way. Now I'm humnming while I work and singing "Crazy." Your so right, TAMN, and such a ray of goodness/cheefulness. I just gotta move on with things, but not in a politicil way, and know that everything turns out just fine. Your message sent pierces of light right into my downer heart.

Charity said...

Your blog is my daily humor!! Hilarious!! The comments are as much fun to read. I love that there are so many people out there that "get it". Thanks for spreading sunshine!! I even have my EC read posts frequently. His comment to this one "HOw does she come up with this stuff?". I agree. So awesome!!

Logan said...

I haven't commented on here for a while, but this post just cracked me up. And it did make me feel better about the economic situation! lol, so thanks TAMN

Julie said...

OK, so while I was just doing something totally spiritual your presidential campaign slogan just came to me. (must be revelation!!) here it is:

"TAMN!! I'm good"

That way, you just get the facts out there. You are WAY good. The world needs a straight-shooter like you.

What do you think???

Cara said...

OMGoodness Gracious, laugh my perky hiney off... you rocked it fo'sho'!

Lisa said...

Tamn, I know this put us all at ease and all, but this letter really needs to get sent off to that guy they keep saying is Paul's son...who is Paul anyway? I just know if they saw it our way, literally, it would all get better, seriously fast.

Mysticnocturne said...

Ok this is like one of the best posts you have ever made and i totally forgive you for the sister missionary comment now. You ROCK once again!

Emily said...

So dang true!

Rachel & Todd said...

insightful...its about the only thing that has made cents lately.

Amy said...

What would we do without your presh guidance? Thanks for giving me a longterm perspective.

Robyn said...

I'm going to forward a copy of this to my politician.

ABrooks said...

This is my fave... eva!

Dani said...

My favorite post yet. Keep 'em coming.

Emily Lauren said...

This is by far my favorite post. I am still cracking up about it. ha ha ha. Wow. . .

Maren Hansen said...

Seriously, that was your best post ever. Have you considered consulting? Pays good, work at home, set your own hours. You'd be fabulous. People, like Britney, and the economy need you.

b said...

OK, I am going to come across as a TOTAL grammar natzi and jerk here but you are a funny girl and I want to help you out.

Bell should be bail
Your should be you're
Year's should be year
Tonights should be tonight's

You should use the apostrophy when it is possissive and not when it is plural.

Economies should be economy since you are specifically referring to the American economy and therefore it is singular.

Also you are using commas incorrectly. Your sentences are too long and thus tempting you to use a bag full of commas instead of just ending the sentence.