My spinsty friend Yvette and me had the best lunch date ever yesterday...feels like its bin forever! Missed her face so bad!! Seriously, so impressive that she still hangs out w/ me even though must be hard for her, seeing my way fun life compared to her bummer existence. SUCH a great example of persevering up a dreary life hill.
Lunch was way fun. She tried to order an appetizer AND her own entree (oink! :) j/k, cutie) so I intervened and got us a salad, ahem, to SHARE. Told her all sincere, "Sweetie, if you EVER want things to change, you gotta want it," then looked at her bum for a sec til she got the pitcher. LOL! So greatful to have a freindship that --> a literal ton of patients. Swear I've tried and tried to help her in the dude department but noooo, she stubbornly remains as hopelessly spinsty-frump as EVER. Remember my awesome advice to her?? Ignored! Made me pinkie swear not to tell a soul, but since this IS my journal and not that many people read it, here goes, but if you see her though, totally act natural.
Anyway, good news (for once) is that she somehow conned some hottie into taking her out, TWICE. SHRIEK!
Way to go frumpers, right?
NOT. She thinks maybe she's "not interested" bc yeah he's hot but also "shallow," she says.
(eyes roll w/ exascperation)
(gentle patience-summoning yoga exhalation)
COME ON, SPINSTY.
a) Can you rilly afford to be THAT picky at this point? Your almost done with college, seriously, just take what you can get, and b) at least he's hot. Would you rather have someone "interesting" but ug? Do you really want to throw up in your mouth for ETERNITY??
Anyways, she kept yapping about how he couldn't carry on a convo, his hummer's obnoxious, his pants shouldn't be tighter than hers, why the H was he wearing sunglasses in Nov anyway, the enormity of his neck vains weirds her out, how he laughed when she said she liked school, how he's emotionally thirteen, blahblah. Talk about a PICKY PATTI! Anyway, in true not-exactly-a-shocker-she's-a-spinsty fashion, she told me she finds adorable stuff like his freak-you-out-huge torso and shelacky hair gel WEIRD. Um...since when is AWESOME weird??
Obviously, she needed one of those friends who just tells it like it is, eye ee, me. I told her she needed to snag the hottie ASAP or she'd end up a perma-spinst or just as bad, having to WORK all the time w/ some serious, scrawny schoolteacher of a hub who sure, thinks and reads and stuff, but NEVER wears aqua digio and can't even AFFORD embroidered pocket jeans. Do you want a boat or not?? She snapped back that she just wanted someone "mature."
Remember, guys: stocks mature, not dudes.