October 27, 2009

where in i give some advise

So sorry it's been FOREVER since I blogged, so behind on my journaling, bad I know!! Tons to catch up on too bc we had the busiest funnest weekend ever and I have dozens of pics to post of us in the pumpkin patch and being zany at corn mazes and boots and scarfs ect.! But those'll have to wait bc there is tons of you in need!

Seriously guys, I keep getting all these emails w/ stuff like "TAMNers, help me! My life is lame!" or "TAMN, how do you be so cute?" or "Will you teach a mini-class on interior decorating in my ward this week?" and on and on. It brakes my heart to think of so many of you frowny and needy, and I feel a duty to help bc to parafrase the song, because I have been hottie much...

Some of you're recent questions:

TAMN, my hot boyf and I are thinking about getting engaged soon. What pre-engagement tips can you give us?

BAA!! The being engaged to be engaged is the best part! Make sure you tell everyone you know that your engaged but its still a secret bc it's not official, bc even when you have a temple date and have already boughten your dress, you'll still be WAY suprised when your ring shows up. This way people have at least 14 seperate times they have to shriek out w/ you: pre-engagement, actual engagement, when you get the ring, when you resize the ring, bridal showers 1-8, wedding, reception. More on this later!

Hey girl, just wondering, when I got married my own Angelbabe was awesome but now we lost some of our spark. We have a bunch of little kids and no boat and he's still in elder's quorum! Help!

Sad! Sounds like you guys let the sizzle fizzle. Gross. Let me guess, he was never AP was he. Poor girl. Did you forget my earlier advice about how muscles are happiness bc six pack now --> stake president later? First off, get a more expensive camera so your pics together look happier. As a marriage expert {coming up on our 28th monthiversary!} I can say w/ matturity, the answer is always just loose weight and try harder. Also, lipstick.

TAMN, my baby won't sleep through the night. He's two months old and everyone else's babies, according to the blog world, sleep like through the night. What am I doing wrong?

TWO MONTHS? Sad! That is like ANCIENT in baby years! If he's not sleeping 7 PM - 7 AM non stop, no offense, but your probably a bad mom, bc baby sleeping habits reflect your worth as a mother and person. Even if he's not sleeping thru the night, just say he is and make sure to blog about your greatfulness. Anything less is surrendering to the frumpies.
Isn't helping fun? LOVE letting my light shine! Any other Qs I can help you with?

51 comments:

dharvey said...

Oooh, thanks for the helpfull advise, TAMN. I have never seen so many blogs that talk about the sleeping habits of infants. My child woke up every three hours during the night until he was one year old, no matter what we did to make him comfortable. I suspect that other babies are not sleeping through the night either. Maybe the mommy blogges think that if they write about sleeping through the night, the baby will actually do that. Believe me, it's wishful thinking. Love you, XOXO -- D.

Sarah said...

oh tamn, i love you

Tiffany said...

I will never hear that hymn again without thinking of you.

Staci said...

wow. HI-larious!

mommaswan said...

Oh wise and beautiful...oh and skinny TAMN! I am failing at motherhoodiness! Thank you for telling me what I needed to hear...I need to learn to lie about my 4 month old sleeping through the night! Although I will have to get better at lying. I am in my *gasp* "30's" and it is hard to hide the sleep deprivation at my advanced age.

Talina said...

". . . bc baby sleeping habits reflect your worth as a mother and person."
Ah, TAMN. I love you sometimes. This was awesome and a little too accurate ;)

The Boob Nazi said...

Engaged to be engaged. hahahahaha

Tara said...

"get a more expensive camera so your pics together look happier." Best line ever. EVER!

moonrat said...

i'm so glad i have you to remind me not to surrender to the frumpies!!

Angela said...

oh, how i heart the wisdom that is TAMN. teehee.

Grammar G of "Big Beat Battalion" said...

TAMNers! If somehow, magically your husband didn't make it to the CK, probably cause of the pron and stuff, CAN I BE YOUR NEW CK Companion! You and my Wife would get along GREAT!

Maddy said...

I was in Utah, but not of Utah, for a few years and let me tell you... You hit every part of Utah Mormon Mommy culture that drove me crazy. I don't know how I didn't know about your blog earlier because I've been dying laughing since I started reading. You are the best, fo sho.

Wordy Wife said...

When my old roommate started trying on wedding dresses and booked the temple date, she got annoyed when I said she was engaged because "it's not official! I don't have the ring yet!" Sorry, I didn't realize it was all about a piece of metal... but thanks for enlightening me, TAMN!

Emmy said...

Oh, I totally did the pre-engagement thing and it was definitely worth it. That way other boys could still flirt with me and I could say, I am going to get married soon.

Skipper said...

Thanks TAMN!

And I've totally asked you before, but I know how way busy you are with your AMAZING life...

I've done the math TAMN. And it wasn't hard to figure out that you and JJWT were dating when you were only 15!

I'm just DYING to know what you told other people to make them understand that it was FINE for you to date before 16. I need to know so I can tell my Mia Maids so that they can tell the old fuddy-duddy people in our ward.

Marla said...

hate to play favorites
but best line =
"Also, lipstick."

you had me at hello, tamn. you had me at hello.

JenB said...

TAMN, I fear that I will be in my thirties (ew I don't even wanna spell that!) before I get married. What should I do???

Scott and Jillian said...

there are no words...You hit the nail right on the dot as usual, TAMN!

Emily said...

My favorite line? "I can say w/ matturity, the answer is always just loose weight and try harder. Also, lipstick."

myimaginaryblog said...

I was totally getting hung up on the perfect spelling of "interior decorating" until I realized that's the email you received, not one you wrote. Now I feel better.

We did the not-officially-engaged thing long enough to bug my friends and fam but at least we didn't wait for the ring (made do with a dollar-store ring in the interim, which was so fun to see people's faces trying to act excited for me with my tiny little ring.) Part of the delay was we were going to get engaged up the canyon but the road we were going to drive up was closed and the only other nearby one was to Squaw Peak and I put my foot down that I was not getting engaged at Squaw Peak. We waited and got engaged at Arches instead. I think it's made a big difference in my eternal happiness.

I just realized I have a similar story where we were going to get married at the Jordan River temple (had a date and all) until I made us switch to Salt Lake. Gee, I never realized I had that much in common with you, TAMN (except you never would have made the wrong choice in the first place.)

kris and judd said...

I did the "engaged to be engaged" thing like you described, right down to the buying the dress and booking a temple date before my AP boyfriend gave me a fatty ring. Now that I know that you encourage that I can tell everyone I'm not a crazy person!

Jessica said...

Bril-e-ant

Cami D. said...

Ha ha ha I can not even handle how you come up with this stuff! There has GOT to be someone helping you or you are just full of whit! hilarious.

Little Lovables said...

lipsitck, TAMN? My, you have matured, didn't you used to suggest flavored lipGLOSS?


I DO have a question tho!!!

I am moving to a NEW WARD. Since you did it in DC... what should I do? Should I take the oppurtunity to change my name my hair, go all retro glam, be a diff person, do I really have to tell that I have been in Primary prez?!

X worried in tx

Erin said...

Hey TAMN... I just heard about the new 'Hot Mormon Muffins' calendar... are you going to be in it? Blog! Let us know!

The Bradley's said...

I can't even BEGIN to pick a favorite line! Awesome!

debbie said...

My children (not kids... kids are baby goats) all slept through the night at about eight weeks. I know this because that's when I was too tired to hear them cry.

Molly in the Jello Belt said...

I am totally offended at the commenters who suggest that I was lying when I said my Luvvie Muffin Boo was sleeping through the night even though he was occasionally REM-challenged. I was not lying; I was having faith! You know that's how faith works -- you talk about what you want like you've already got it and then HF has to deliver so as not to make you a liar! Works every time!

Brian and chelsea said...

The key to marital troubles is to loose weight and wear lipstick.... that's actually probably true in many cases.

GladysIcanbee said...

spot on. love it!

Ashley said...

Yes, and make sure that when you take the photos with your new pricey camera, that you do way silly poses together. Those are so super cute. Take millions of them..and post every single one. The ones with you in an orchard, standing between two rows of trees (maybe with a chair you can sit on) and the ones on the railroad tracks, cause that looks so hip and edgy. Oh, and photo shop them so the edges are kind of blurry, to show how you guys feel like you are in this amazing dream world, and you would die a million deaths without each other. Eternal bliss is so perfectly wonderful.

: ) Paula said...

Love hearing about how sorry bloggers are for not blogging in "forever" and then explaining it was because they were SO BUSY doing awesomely cooler stuff than the rest of us bloggists were doing.

Favorite line? "six pack now --> stake president later"

Melissa said...

TAMN you crack me up.

Melissa said...

TAMN you crack me up.

Kris said...

I wish you'd been blogging back when I had all my children naturally. (the internet hadn't been invented by Al Gore yet)
Now I realize that if I'd bought a better camera maybe my babies would have slept through the night before they were two.

Chelsea said...

28th monthaversary, bwah-haha!!

Grammar G of "Big Beat Battalion" said...

Hey TAMN ers, When your kids are sick (I'm sure they never are REALLY sick), do you still take 'em out, cause you don't want people to know that they aren't perfect? I do, cause it helps me stay sane and the kids get used to faking being happy! Works great, try it!

Jensen said...

I have a quick Q. I just told my hubby that I'm preggers again (round 3) and he was all like, "is this a good thing or a bad thing?" Totally thought being preggers was a good thing, but his furrowed brow made me second guess. What should I do since obviously we can't reverse?

Stephanie said...

Wow, this post renders me completely speechless. Brilliant.

Wendy said...

So right on, once again. Love the "loose weight and wear lipstick."

shelly said...

I know you get tunz of comments, but I couldn't resist. This has to be your best post yet. Seriously, I didn't know that sixpack= stake prez later on! I will so be passing your advice on!

Jeannie said...

I totally buying new lipstick tonight.

So my sizzlin' won't keep fizzlin'.

Lyndsey said...

TAMN, do you think it is against the plan for me to pose in the Mormon Muffins Calendar? I know they must be banging down your door for you to audition.

Sarah F said...

one of the best posts! lurrve it.

Brooke said...

TAMN -- No offense, but lipstick's a little frumpsters, don't you think? I'd definitely recommend lip GLOSS! Preferably from Victoria Secret.

Ashley -- Ouch! I totally got my engagement pictures taken on the railroad tracks. And we did think we were hip and edgy. Apparently we were just cliche. =)

Em said...

tamn,
seriously, when i grow up i want to be just as hysterically funny as you. really, building the kingdom would just not be as fun without you. totally needed this laugh (your service) tonight.
loves.

Kenny said...

I can't believe you only mentioned ONE reception. Did you only have one reception, TAMN? Does JJWT even love you!?

Hopefully when you say "more on this later," you mean MORE ABOUT HAVING MORE RECEPTIONS!

Every girl needs at least three receptions. One in her home ward, one in her husband's home ward, and one in the BYU single's ward where they met! Even high school sweethearts who had to go to local college where they have (gag) institute instead of TRUE RELIGION CLASSES should be able to stretch it out into two receptions--one for the home ward and one for the YSA ward.

(The unrighteous people who don't go to college or YSA wards like the Prophet commanded probably only deserve one reception, tho.)

Matt and Chanci Oyler said...

I LOVE YOU! Thanks TAMN! You make me laugh everyday!

Merrilyn Dyches Harris said...

For those of us, poor, sad people who dont live in Zion and have to get all our ritcheous info second hand...... what the heck is "mormon muffins??"

Sara and Dustin said...

This whole post is hilarious but my favorite line is "bc baby sleeping habits reflect your worth as a mother and person." Haha! I wish people didn't actually think like that!

liliblogs said...

TAMN, I've been SOOOOOOOOO busy (was just made RS Pres, which means I get to stay in my singles ward even though I just turned 31--yay for not being banished to eternal-singlehood just yet!)
Anyways, I'm home from work "sick" today, so I'm finally ketching up, and I just wanted to say this post ROCKS.