October 29, 2009

MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

Oh crud guys!! Serious trouble! I have like a hundred hot halloween costumes but for tomorrow's ward party, been planning for EVER to be one of those slutty but cute devils w/ a plastic pitchfork and cute horns and a red hooker outfit, but SnuggleNugget is being all prudey and said it's ok {and actually, really HOT} for all our freind parties on Sat but "not" "appropriate" for Trunkertreat tomorrow. Need new idea stat!

Requirements: adorable, hot, righteously riskay.

HELLLLP!

p.s. sooo annoying, no Glee last night are you freakin SERIOUS??? {I fastfwd thru the inappropriate parts, swear it}

76 comments:

Miranda said...

Ummmmm, hello?!?! Bella and JJWT needs to be Edward.

Cook Family said...

I think you should go as the women in your ward and show them what they really look like and how much they really need your advice. A Frumpy Mormon Houswife.

Moniker Challenged said...

Go as Jezebel or Salome. Or Esther, for that matter. It's totally kosher to shake/show what your mama gave you if it's a scripture story.

The Boob Nazi said...

Skanky outfit with flesh-colored shade shirt underneath. DUH.

GladysIcanbee said...

Another trial? good heavens, you richus woman of Zion you! Combine the 2, your love of Glee and your unmatched taste in hot fashun. Head down to Gateway and get the hottest new "sweats" and go as Sue Sylvester. The downside.....they may want you to be the young womenz athletic director/coach.

Mrs. Mordecai said...

Just do the same idea with an angel. White hooker outfit, halo, and wings. That totally makes it "appropriate" for church.

Charity said...

Didn't we go through this LAST year?

Scott and Jillian said...

I was just about to ask you why you hadn't mentioned Glee yet! But I have no costume ideas for you, my dear. Sorry. Have a kick-a Halloween!

Sara and Dustin said...

A hot kitty. That way you can wear a really tight black unitard with a cat tail, ears and whiskers. adorable. hot. righteously riskay.

Ashlee said...

A cat: skin tight Skinny jeans, Black shade shirt, Spike heels, cute headband with cat-ears, lots of eyeliner and bright red lipstick.

Except maybe half the ladies in your ward will already be wearing the same thing.

Lolli said...

Come on--what inappropriate parts of Glee??

I can't think of anything better than the slutty devil costume. You've stumped me.

Renny said...

I just noticed that your music says, "tune's I love."
Ha.
That's all.
I don't dress up for Halloween. This year I thought I could go as,
1. a tired 1L
2. Where's Renny? (Like Where's Waldo but with much better fashion sense...)

hairyshoefairy said...

He prolly just thinks your costume is not OK for the ward trunkertreat cuz its a skanky DeVeL. I bet he would b OK if you were a skanky AnGeL instead since thats waaaaay more appropriat for church.

J-Dub said...

You could wear a Bathsheba costume. That is from the scriptures!

rainylakechick said...

U shud be Michelle Obama. Becuz she is totally cuuuute and a roll model.

Joe'n'Jess said...

you could be cat woman. super sexy, while still being under-G apropriate. it might be expensive, but i'm sure you've been blessed by your richusness to have more $ than anyone else.

Brie Wheelwright said...

I wanted to do a Lady Gaga costume but couldn't find a way to do it without being skanky but I'm sure you can pull it off!

DIY REDS! said...

I think you should be a white bunny. You can wear a leatard with white nylons and a puff tail and ears. That way you can be totally cute, and appropriate (cuz its a creation) but still show off how much skinnier than everyone else you are

Mhana said...

Firsties, soo glad you are in the Halloween spirit, my Luvverbunz is all into the USC/UO game that night, something about Pacman, or I'm a ten or he's thinking of getting me a rose quartz bowl for the holidays? I don't know, I was so busy stamping my tiny darlin' foot in anger I didn't really listen to why his excuse was 'portant. Believe me, he will be making it up to me through Thanksgiving, at which time I will post how great he is on my blog.

So here's my idiz. 1) Go with trick or treat as your theme -- you're dressing as a common whore on Saturday (no offense!) and they are known for turning tricks, so your Friday plan should be something based on "treat." For a costume you could go for a neck to ankle super tight red dress and be a twizzler, or you could affix giant lollys to your frontal bits, or you could be a sexy angel (seriously, what could be more appropriate for a church activity?! Either way you should force him to "treat" you to shopping, dinner out and whatever else your heart desires for complying with his wishes.

2) You should punish him by going 360 degrees in the opposite direction and be super baggy and frumpy so when all his EQ friends (who are seriously panting after you in a faithful righteous way) ask where you are he'll be embarassed to admit which lame-o pioneer is his bride.

Abby said...

How about octo-mom? You'd have the sultry puffy lips, and you'd look WAY righteous with all those babies.

The Larson Family said...

Rahab the Harlot. Pretty much the definition of righteously riskay. And your fam can dress as the spies from Jericho!

Avree said...

Just wear something really really tight. Because if it covers up your garments it's ok right?

Susie Stout said...

marie antoinette... cleavage is tasteful and you could pass it off saying you wanted to be historically accurate. You can talk in a coy and fabulously fashionable french accent but will probably end up sounding like victoria beckham. You're dress will be huge and you can drop her famous line "let them eat cake" in front of all the plump frumpies. Plus you can embody the royalty attitude and look down your nose at people. You'd be great.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Ah, Glee, why does such a great show have to have so many inappropriate parts (I love my DVR). Oops, sorry, no costume ideas. Your hotness precludes anything righteously risky.

Christa said...

uh hulloh...lamanite/pocohantas.

throwagrenade31 said...

It's okay, you can "modify" it to make it modest for church! Like the girl I saw wearing leggings under a sexy costume! (I wonder how she didn't realize that they were so sheer, everyone could tell exactly what fabric her garments were...)

myimaginaryblog said...

Well, if you must change plans, you could go for a concept costume, like a letter "P" on your shirt and a black eye and you're a black-eyed pea, or be a fully-stocked refrigerator made out of a cardboard box (that might give the wrong idea that you eat, though,) or go as a picnic by draping yourself in red gingham tablecloth and hot-gluing picnicware, plastic food, and little plastic ants to it.

Since we live in a neighborhood where it's perfectly safe to trick-or-treat, I hate it that we still have to do trunkertreat too. (You'll probably never relate to this, but sometimes I wish I actually had more time to actually stay home and just do housework. Time spent reading your blog excepted, of course.)

Meg B said...

Just go as a MILF- you totally won't have to dress up, and all the other frumpy mommies wil be SOOO jealous (like they already are!)

Cristin said...

Go as a polygamist's wife and SnuggleNugget can go as a polygamist. Scandalous, yet modest. WIN-WIN.

Shoebox Princess said...

Hooker angel! White=righteous no matter how skanky and tiny the outfit is!

Natalie said...

Just pull a 180 and be a slutty ANGEL. Holiness repels sluttiness, so as long as you pair angel wings with a sparkly halo, nobody will think twice about the Victoria's Secret lingerie you have on. Your "purity" will distract them.

Angela said...

you could always do the hot sexy nurse costume. i mean, it IS white and therefore HOLY, right? And a little cleavage never hurt anyone, did it? i mean, really.

Plain Jame said...

Go for a slutty pirate outfit and make sure that your new and improved boobs are showing. Make sure to make it sound like you're going to get so fat from that candy you just ate, too.

(love the Glee jab - I feel like I'm the only person on the planet that doesn't watch it.)

Blogger-In-Chief said...

Black Cat, you get to wear a hot black bodice, and black lacy leggings. hot, but not "too" hot. Wouldn't want the YMP taking "too many" looks.

rebekah said...

Mrs. Incredible. All the closet Mormon skanks loved that one...

Christin said...

TAMN Just get a sexy cape and put it over the devil costume, then if anyone wonders about your hottness you can flash your real costume to them in the corner of the cultural hall.

Token Asian Friend said...

Whatever you choose, please have it include shimmery eye make-up and fake feather eyelashes.

Robert and Sherry Leal said...

Eve. Flesh colored bodysuit and a super long wig that covers "the girls", implying there's something to hide, but of course you're wearing the bodysuit. And it's spiritual! show them how you can rock skin-tightness--you've got nothing to hide!!

Charly said...

Holla, girlfriend: go as Quinn Febrey from Glee! The cheerleader costume, a baby bump: SO ORIGINAL.

Motion DeSmiths said...

Maybe you could dress up as a slutty investigator and JJWT could be a hawt missionary! FUN! Because the mish was like the best 2 years of his life he could re-live it and FLIRT TO CONVERT. Plus major bonus--you can't wear g's when you're a slutty investigator!!! Makes total sence and no one in the ward can argue with that. If they do, you need to tell them that they need to be more missionary minded.

: ) Paula said...

Seriously so scarry, my TAMNers. Slutty store-bought costumes for women ruin my favorite holiday. Playing dress-up rocks the casbah! *Humming "It's the most wonderful time of the year."* Besides, if it's not homemade with such quality ingredients as felt squares, googly eyes, and pipe cleaners, I aint impressed. ;S

Melinda said...

Cow Boy Hat, Tight Plaid Button Up Shirt, (tied at the waist) Tight White Tee (underneath), Tight Knee Length Levi Skirt (no tights), Knee High Boots and you are set. A little tight but modest. No tights leaves all the priests wondering...WHAT?

You can totally pose for pictures with the kiddos too because you look cute and modest!

Emily said...

Ha! Like Plain Jame said, thanks for the Glee jab. I went on and on to my young women about how disappointed I was that it was so offensive and they're STILL all watching it. BTW, if you leave Zion—not that you would—you totally get to be YW PRESIDENT! So fun! Wait, I meant, so much stress! :D

Bridges said...

Seriously, "YWP Barbie", and JJWT goes as "HP Ken"...yes, he's young for a HP, but hey, maybe it will turn the light on in the Stake PreZ's mind about how richus JJWT actualy iz!

Laurel said...

I'm now going to navigate from your blog to Google Glee. ;) Good luck with the costume dilemma! Our ward's Halloween party was last night. I'm always wary of eating food at ward functions (it's a dietitian thing - you couldn't pay me to eat turkey at a ward Thanksgiving dinner...) and sure enough I found a hair in my soup. bleh!

MomBabe said...

Duh. Be a hotter version of Lynzii.

Melinda said...

In my last comment I said Priest and I mean HP and I am so sorry I didn't mean to sound creepy but I had a 1 & 3 year old jumping all over me and couldn't finish my thoughts..... I meant the no tights would have the HP wondering what her hubby does right. My goodness. Kids....I love being the cutest one at the party though. I don't think you will have any problem! Good Luck!

dharvey said...

I agree w/ Cook Family above. Get an ankle length denim jumper 3 sizes too large, a white long-sleeve blouse with puffed sleeves and a collar that buttons half-way up your neck. Wear white tennis shoes or Clark's clogs with white socks. Put a burp rag on your shoulder and carry a diaper bag for a purse. Viola !! The perfect Mormon housewife. :-) Your welcome. Love you, XOXO -- D.

Chris said...

Everyone has missed the obvious choice... Eve. But do us all a favor it should be while he had her innocence :)

Jennie said...

You could dress up as a sister missionary and show Yvette that there IS a way to be adorable and a sister missionary at the same time. If anyone can figure that out -- it will be you TAMN.

Also, people will think you are so righteous and you can talk all night about how your mission was to marry JJWT and raise the little ones, but that you would have been an excellent sister missionary if you had the chance.

Jeannie said...

You just go as the slutty/hot angel instead. It's the devil part he's having a problem with right?

Brad said...

Tamn,

I got a really cool idea the other day. I thought I would start writing a PRETEND blog about a PRETEND life, and make fun of stupid mormon housewives! LOL!!!!!!

....Although, it occured later on that I'd have to be an absolute loser and have WAAAAAYYYY too much time on my hands to create a make believe blog. Besides, I'm sure some other LOSER will think of this LAME idea sooner than later.

Stay cool Tamn. Love ya.

Kari said...

UMMM...ObViOuSlY you should be EVE! Who could possibly be more righteous and sexy?!!

Rachel said...

you and jjwt should go as a famous couple. like brad pitt and angelina jolie. just dress super hott and carry around ethnic baby dolls! or you could be david beckham and posh spice.

Haylee Abney said...

I have the BEST idea. srsly. YOU dress up as Quinn and JJWT should dress up as Finn. I think you could find a red cheerleader uniform that is short sleeved, but not too short so you can still tuck the sleeves on your G's under them. oh and don't forget to do a curly pony tail!! For JJWT, if Finn is too hard to dress up as, just shave JJWT's head into a mohawk and WALLAH!! he is Puck:)

Little Lovables said...

just put a dazzlin red tutu on with the costume, and it will go from super hot, to hot/cute... a win/win!

Jessica said...

Just go as a "church investigator" who doesn't know any better.

BTW, what are you dressing the twinsies as?

Annie said...

Just show JJWT that Muffin calendar and he will be so happy you're not dresses like that and he'll let you wear whatever you want.

Terresa said...

How about go as Madonna? Or maybe you mean "hot" as in a hot tamale? or it's so cold you'd like to be toasty warm? Maybe wear red and/or wrap yourself in red plastic wrap? Or is that too hot? ;)

Whatever you end up dressing as, do post picts!

Jessica said...

It's all about how you accessorize. If you rock the sexy eye make up and smokin hot leg wear (exp. fishnets) it doesn't really matter if your ladies are kept under wraps.

Motion DeSmiths said...

TAMN--you should dress up as BRAD the meaney commenter.

Janelle said...

Go with one of the ladies from the Yearning For Zion camp. Not only will it show how super smart and in touch with current events you are, but it will show the YW to just say NO to polygamy or else they might be ugly.
Youre welcome.

Laura said...

What the heck Brad? I can't belief he is making fun of darling Tamners! I think he is jealous that his wife/gf/missionary isn't as hawt as you TamN!

PlowgianPage said...

Hello, I think you answered your own question with your last sentence. Go as Rachel from Glee (with maybe a little bit longer skirt).

La Beq said...

Just wear black leggings or a unitard under your devil hooker outfit. As long as the skin is covered, it's totally modest even if nothing is left to the imagination. At least, that's what I learned at my ward Halloween party!

The Bradley's said...

I thought boys had to be polite - until I met westerners. Thanks Brad for reminding me that boys can be jerks too...I had almost forgotten. :)

laurel said...

Tiger and tiger tamer.

Shaun and Kelli Stracener said...

I totally second on the Bella/Edward idea. You can make that look hot and be completely appropriate at the same time. Everyone will be completely jealous.

Renny said...

So I went to make sure your playlist was quickly silenced and I saw that you had Don't Stop Believing, and I thought, "no way, TAMN put Journey on here?? Awesome!" Then I saw that it was the Glee cast singing it.
So glad you didn't decide to start listening to good music, you just wouldn't be TAMN then.

A Mother Heart said...

You oculd always just go as Adam and Eve. Then no need for skanky clothes. And it's Biblical, so no one can complain at all!

Robyn/Lauren said...

You should go as Eve---unknowingly immodest!

Skipper said...

Too late I know, but you could have been one of the women in my ward who dressed as pregnant polygamists with the E.Q. prez pretending to be their husband.

Totally looked "riskay" (in a different slutty way) and made all our jaws drop.

Julie de Azevedo said...

Next year, if JJWT pulls that disapproval crap just dress up as a polyg wife: poofy French braid, covered head to wrist to ankle in a pioneer-like dress, tube sox, flat brown shoes with laces (no hills), no make-up ('cept your righteous tatoo liner). Promise, he'll never frown on your hot costume again!

Karen said...

brad,
she's crying all the way to the bank.

anne said...

No surprise that there is no way to contact "Brad" directly, just a couple of blogs that he follows. Oh Brad, do you just jump around making rude comments on blogs that bother you? You accuse TAMN of being a loser with too much time on her hands? Pot calling the kettle black?

Becky said...

from my experience you should be red ridding hood. The cape can make is modest for the ward and then--tada take it off and you can be just as skanky as you want....and, oh, tights can make any mini skirt modest.