March 11, 2010

*iNtErnEt sAfEtY*

anyone who knows me knows i am so freaked out by creepers!!!

that's why I'm so sad and embarrassed that I've always putten Alivyiah & Tridger's name on this blog! Oh my scarry! So if your a creeper you know my twins names, so from now on I'm going to call them by a psuedouphemism {that means secret nickname}, right now I'm thinking Princess Vintage and L'il Studleigh or else some variation of "Champ."

Of course I will continue to post every other piece of identifying info including naked pictures them and cute shower invitations w/ our address showing and pics of our house w/ house # and details about every other aspect of our lifes, but as long as everyone knows that Alivyiah and Tridger have seperate internet names we're totally fine and I can overshare all I want!!!

So there, CREEPERS!

44 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Wait, are we talking about full on naked pictures? Eeeeeewww. Not OK.

You really need to keep it classy and only post pictures of their cute little bums or ones with their legs up in the air and a little bar across their, well, you know, so that they will still be modest.

Misty said...

You are SO SMART!!!!!! And those names are way better than what others do, like just using their child's first letter of their name. Totally keeps them safe from all the nasties out there! so E, E, M and I think you're WAY smart!

jaimie said...

sometimes....i think this blog is a joke.

I can just see some totally normal woman sitting behind her computer laughing uncontrollably as she types these posts.

Ashley Gilbert said...

Now you just need to make your blog private so no one can read it. Oh wait. You don't want like no one to see your way awesome life! Seriously!

kris said...

Every detail is so right. "They" are never, ever just weirdos or scary people, they're always "creepers."

Excellent as usual.

Sarah said...

TAMNERS, i am so dissapointed in you cause you haven't posted video clips of your mcmansion. you know, the ones where you show the internet how well off you are by giving them a virtual tour and showing them where you keep your flat screen tv, x box, dvds, other fancy stuff.

how eltse am i suppossed to know how much more my hubby takes care of me than jjwt takes care of you? {frownsmile}

Lady said...

@jaimie This blog is a joke. Are people still not getting that? Read the SSB in the Press section.

I especially love when people call their kids by code names or initials and only identify themselves as Sally J., but their blog address is sallyandkevinjohnson.whatever.com.

Rach said...

painfully true!

Cristin said...

If only I had a dollar for every time someone posts an invitation with the address on it, on their blog.

Natalie said...

LOL. So funny...love it!

Gordita said...

Wow. This is really right on.

Frau said...

You should make your Facebook private and secret. Show nothing except the blog address.

And then by all means spill all on said blog. That way you will be safe from the nasty sociopath you sat next to when you were in third grade. They'll never think to follow that little address when they see all your pics, friends and wall posts are locked up tight!

And don't forget to get mad at Ruth when she follows your facebook status to read your blog and confront you over her red flags. I mean, can't a girl get privacy on the blog she posts to the internet? GMAB!

Token Asian Friend said...

You can use phsuedoeuphamisms all you want, but whenever I comment, I am going to use your kids full names because the creepers don't read the comments.

Merrilyn Dyches Harris said...

Ummm..ya, I was wondering why you let all the creepers out there know their real names. I mean, am I the ONLY one who has seen "Dateline: to catch a preditor?"

Dont worry, now that you will start calling them them by their psuedouphemisms we will all forget their real (boring) names and your family and their privacy will totally safe.

Melissa C said...

This is so true!!!! I used to be so careful making sure our house # didn't show (we live in a condo where every 4th one is the same and I have friends showing up at neighbors all the time), and have apparently gotten lax. We had the CREEPIEST comment the other day from someone at a business that FOUND OUR BLOG, JOINED BLOGGER AND COMMENTED ON IT THE NEXT DAY about our visit! Creepy isn't it? I only included all our names, and the business name, so I wonder how on earth the person found it??? Google is too smart these days to take any chances.

tracey said...

Awsomeness!! My hugest pet peeve! So glad you addressed this "problem" :D

thecapitall said...

GENIUS!

Steve and Alli said...

TAMN I know right? Total creepers, but honestly since my friend changed her kids' internet names to just initials AL and JA, I can never remember their REAL names! Such a pain!

telemoonfa said...

How about "Champsters?" (Rhymes with Hamsters :) ) or Champtagious?

Wordy Wife said...

I know a couple people who make their blogs private to prevent "creepers." I'm like, yeah, you have a grand total of eleven followers...

Ru said...

Oooh, and make sure you continue giving us lots of information about their birthdays. Because kids haven't established credit yet anyway, so no one will want to steal their identities! And def keep posting the naked pics. Because there's no way the creepers could construe something so wholesome as dirty, or photoshop it until it is. Besides, I'm sure Princess Vintage and Lil Studleigh won't mind the fact that even when they go away to college, people will still be able to google their nakey baby pics.

Also, for your future reference, whenever you make these pronouncements about how you're improving your blog to be better than other peoples', be sure to throw in that you're super smart and informed even though you didn't "technically" "graduate" hair school/the pre-reqs for aide teaching. Being aggressive and defensive at the same time proves what a mama bear you are.

The Boob Nazi said...

I can't believe you hadn't done that from the beginning.

dharvey said...

"psuedouphemism"-- Bwahahahahah ! Seriously, so hilarious. What a wonderful blog. XOXO, Love you ! :-)

Brooke said...

Hows about "Champiddler"?

Mr. Mach O'Man?

Sporticus?

Charly said...

@jaimie

it is, that's the gag

Allison said...

It's funny because it's true.

Malea said...

@Lady and and Charly. It sounds like Jaimie was being facetious.

Amy said...

I freakin' love you.

myimaginaryblog said...

"Psuedouphemism"? I think you are some sort of linguistic genius.

I like it best when people have blognicknames for their kids like "Drama Queen" "Stinkyfarts" "SelfAbsorbedDiva" "NeverShutsUp" "Bratty McBratster" "Pest" "PantsWetter" "BigFatLiar" and "Can't Believe I Wasted Nine Months Gestating This Brat"

Mary said...

Oh snap! You got me.

Still hilarious. Princess Vintage is the raddest psuedouphemism I've ever heard!

Als The Pals said...

I love it! My sis announced her baby's full name on her blog and their full names are on their blog address. Now she refers to her baby as "Baby A" on her blog to be safe! SO SMART!

Little Lovables said...

Way to get back at those perves!

They show up on your doorstep looking for Princess Vintage and L'il Studleigh and you're all, "Wrong house... sucka"

debbie said...

Please oh please oh please give a tutorial about how to make cute invites just like the ones your doing for the twinners week of parties. And don't forget to take pictures of the candy store you have the playgroup party in. Of course, being as we're already just like family, I won't need pics of the cuteness of your home for the family party {I'll be there early to share how hard it is keeping the caterers from knocking over things}. Are you having the Doring-Kindersley book "Party" before or after the YW party? How you'll fit in all the bday parties and your half bday party in one week will be a miracle slash trail, but I have faith in you.

Liz said...

Wa HA HA HA! I love it! One of my pet peeves! Thank you!

Polly said...

I think the most likely scenario is that one of the "creepers" will whisk your children away from playgroup, take them to the county courthouse, and have their names legally changed to Tom and Mary, or Sam and Beth, so they won't have to go through life spelling and pronouncing their hideous names for confused strangers.

Argi said...

;-)

Muum said...

:)

Polly said...

I meant to add to my comment:

"No offense..."

Greg and Alyssa said...

Champ... or Chief...

Ashley said...

So true! Even though everyone knows that that is why you pay the big bucks to live in Draper/Highland/Alpine, because no creepers live there. Hullo, those weirdos only live in places like Salt Lake and West Valley. And any one who was pervy in Draper/Highland/Alpine, would repent and never be creepy again. So you can relax...the bubble has not burst.

: ) Paula said...

i heart polly's comment

Nic & Trudi said...

This is hilarious. I have always wondered why people do that to their kids but yet post every other aspect of their lives on their blogs. It makes no sense!!!

J. P. said...

actually, I've heard the very best way to deal with this problem is to make sure that your vinyl stick figure family on your vehicle has each of your names below each family member, along with a bumper sticker which names the school each of your children attend, followed by a BILLBOARD featuring you and your children advertising a local business, and always, always, ALWAYS make sure that their t-shirts or hats are personalized with either their real-name OR their ultra-secret nickname which also is the code-word your family uses to identify creepers vs actual family friends. Then, what you do, is you cry and shake for hours to your neighbors every time they walk outside because your number one fear in life is that one of your adorable offspring will be taken by a creeper. Its almost like reverse pyschology!--Lisa (Clan of the Cave Hair)

Jenn said...

Princess Vintage is pretty cute, but I think you should add "posh" in there somewhere. Do you have her in pettiskirts yet? The really fluffy ones.