August 31, 2010

how big of an anthro gc are we talking?

Hey. It's JJWT.

TAMN is usually moody which is ok bc she's hot. But this is crazy. She's been in bed all week. Help me out here.

She's been preg for a month. She's already gained a whole pound. Yeah, gross but not the end of the world. She was bawling and kept asking, "Do you think I'm fat? BE HONEST. Do you think I'm fat?"

I don't always get girls, but I am not a moron. I know the drill. I just say no way and buy her stuff. This time I could tell she was extra sad. So I took it a step further and said, "I love her no matter what. I don't mind if you're a fattie."

Bad move.

Then on Thursday I suggested maybe we cut back on some bills to save a couple bucks. Not that we're poor, just that there is a killer opportunity with my buddy's new juice company. I want in. Her response? I don't understand that her wants are her needs and that she'd literally rather die than part with DVR.

Whew. I figured she'd get over it. Girls are nuts. But then she didn't blog all week. The kicker is yesterday. I brought her a fountain regular Coke and...

she didn't even notice.

I don't know what to do.

36 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Oh, JJWT, bless your rock hard heart.

I think you should make it up to TAMN by telling her she would make a beautiful plus size model. She couldn't possibly be upset by that.

Anna said...

"I don't understand that her wants are her needs and that she'd literally rather die than part with DVR."

Of COURSE death is the preferred alternative to life without recorded tv. Seriously! And TAMN deSERVEs to be entitled and not distinguish between her wants and needs. I mean, she's just so spirichal anyway that the two mesh together in a totally righteous and inspired way. You might as well just book another couple of cruises 'cause I don't see any other alternative to your marital problems, JJWT.

Brandon said...

You knew what she was when you picked her up.

Brooke Trogdon said...

haha this post makes me laugh. good luck! I was completely incapacitated when I was preggo. Saving money is the pits, but hey to get the really big goodies we've got to scrimp and save. Like I said before, good luck.

Chelsea said...

I'm shaking with laughter.

Penny said...

Um... you need to kick him in the nads. Just my take. :)

Lisa said...

REGULAR coke?

oh dear, dear JJWT. First you say "I love her no matter what. I don't mind if you're a fattie" and then you bring her a REGULAR coke?

You trying to make her fat?

Look, I know you lurve yr girl but srsly, get her a diet coke at least.

And if you're going to cut back on bills, be a good hubby and cut back on something you like. obvs. yr sacrifice of the things that you like most will mean SO MUCH to her.

Heather said...

She obviously needs a GNO cruise for a week with 12 of her BFF's. Better get on that.

me said...

Haha Brandon.

Amy said...

Oh my. Best. Post. Ever.

kaitlyn said...

seriously. best. ever.

myimaginaryblog said...

I TOTALLY NOTICED that she hadn't been blogging! If I had only realized it was a PROMPTEEN!

Just for starters, you need to remove all subjectivity from your compliments. NEVER say "You don't look fat to me," only "You are NOT fat, as I and the rest of the universe can attest."

Garrett said...

I think you're justified in wanting TAMN to forego DVR for your Juice Enterprise. There is a severe shortage of juice companies in UT (We only have XANGO, Tahitian Noni, Srii...). We could all use a little more juice. I would recommend giving TAMN a gc for free juice.

hiphousegirl said...

I have to agree with Brandon. Did you learn nothing from that video about the rattlesnake?

Also, it does sound to me like you're secretly trying to sabotage her. Your trying to give her love handles so the Deacon's don't stare so much!

Jewel said...

Wow. Is she suffering from "debillifying" depression?

A whole pound. I can't believe it. You really need to figure out what's going on--maybe she needs some (gross) antidepressants or something.

samantha jane said...

Love Garret and Hiphousegirl's comments! Both are hilarious!

Frau said...

I know it's hard but this is all a sign that you have the right kind of marriage. When one spouse mopes and stays in bed and can ONLY be brought around by the other spouse doing exactly the right thing, that means that they are dependent on the other. That means they CAN'T leave and you don't have to worry about divorce. So even if you don't know how to make her feel better as she pouts, throws things, demands, just remember that it has to be you and only you. Isn't that romantic?

And if you need money to invest - DUH! Put it on your credit card! If it's a real investment opportunity, you'll clear 19% per year easy.

Ashley said...

Hate to burst your bubble but did you ever think that maybe possibly TAMN isn't preggers?

Mom D said...

Hate to be the barer of bad news, but your little lizard doesn't way one el-bee yet. If she keeps gaining this much wait, she'll be nine pounds fatter when she delivers. Multiply that by lots of times being prego and she will be HUGE. No wonder she has debilifying depression. I'd get her started on a diet asap.
Theirs no time like the presence to insure her hotness isn't wrecked by baby's.

Mom D said...

One more thing, DVR"S are good. She can record way cool stuff like general confernce and the Bachelor. She can sleep thru confernce and then watch it later while she scrapbooks. Then at church she can act way holy and make comments in sunday school about her favorite speech and every body will nod and smile and think she is very spirtual and riotous like she was their in person. You can save money in other ways like offerings because she gives way good service alot.

Jessica said...

OMGosh!!! Don't cut back by getting rid of DVR. POOR people don't have DVR, and you aren't poor. Just cut back on groceries by not eating as much to save money. This way it's win-win. You save money, and she eats less. That way she won't be a fat preggo girl.

Jessica said...

Mom D----u are my new hero.

GladysIcanbee said...

Oh, JJWT, you've been through this before. Regular coke! seriously, that's like Napoleon telling Deb she could drink whole milk. Get your tight shapely buns to Rio and buy her a pork salad and insist that this time she eat 1/4, not just a couple of bites. Some fro you with toppings, a nice massage/mani/pedi and yeah, a GC to anthro for at least $1k is a good start. It would also be rilly kewl to rent a limo to have a GNO--just make sure she never sees that bus with the ad for Golds Gym that says "It isn't water weight". Then, you should buy her a big piece of emerald jewelry to mark the birth month of the little peanut, if it has diamonds around it even better. After that, just tell her that men are stupid and you'd be nothing without her.

A said...

Don't worry youre handsome fohawk, J-Dubs! It's obvie that the grumpies means extra baby hormones, which means extra babies! By this time next year, youll prolly have like six kids and maybe a seventh on the way? That also explains the HOLE L-BEE that she ganed, because four babies way more than won. Just buy her a fancy black car and loads of brightly colored car paint so she can splatter paint it with the twinsies, cuz splatterpaint is so in now. Srsly. It'll be great! And we all know car paint fumes won't hurt the feti, rite?

daltongirl said...

I freaking HEART JJWT!

Dave said...

Dude. She obviously didn't get your message. You know that Billy Joel song "Just The Way You Are"? Do a little serenading with that and she'll REALLY appreciate you. 4 real.

Melly said...

Haha! I loved it Brandon.

Mom D said...

If all else fails remind her if she gets fat she can go on tv with Marie Osmond and show millions of people every day that you can be hot and beatiful and fat all at the same time. That auto cheer her up.

debbie said...

JJWT if you rilly want to help with the (whisper) budget, get your company to comp your daily golf outings. Then you can give TAMNs a RILLY nice GC. And maybe have some bucks left over for the juice biz investment.

Cindy said...

Regular Coke?!?!? Ouch. That's just harsh. Do you really want her to gain 5 lbs before she delivers? I guess it's really you that has to dill with it!

SammyStewart said...

I'm really gonna laugh it TAMN's not pregnant.

Token Asian Friend said...

She better get morning sickness, STAT!

jaysbunny said...

DVR???? That is so 2000's. EVERYBODY who is ANYBODY is downloading movies from iTunes and going to get the new Apple TV to rent their TV shows. You guys might as well get a double wide and stop trying to impress people.

Angenette said...

Intervention time! Pronto!

Merri said...

UMMM..has EVERYONE forgotten that TAMN's LB is obviously in her BOOBS???? Her little floating alien baby over there on the right sight of the screen may only weigh a few ounces but her boobs have got to be huge, right?

JNWT..its your patriarical duty to remind her that anyone as freakishly tiny and ritcheous as her would never gain an oz that is not boobs or baby...just saying.

Karen said...

Hey! If you guys have more multiples, you can get a tv show. Kate is so last season!

Then you won't have to worry about saving $$