February 24, 2009

If you lurve it then you shoulda put a ring on it!: part 1

Guys!!

Member how much I love when you send in Qs?

Well, my e-BFF Mhana just wrote in with some of the best news ever! Here's what she had to say:
Hey hot friend, I finally snagged me a man (and the ring is so big I can hardly play piano for Relief Society! LOL! The Single gurls LOVE how I make it sparkle when I raise my hand to participate in questions about eternal marriage!) Anyhoo, we're waiting til June so the bridesmaids can wear modest strapless gowns comfortably without ucky blotches and goosebumps. What advice do you have for a soon to be newlywed? How can I make my place in his heart even more secure?
First offs, I want to be exited about your ring, but it's hard to fain I love it when mine's so much bigger and uniquer, but, Congrats anyways! I'll share my wisdom in a couple segments, but here's

TAMNerses' advice to bethrothed girls, part uno

  • If your in school, quit right now bc multi-tasking is for boaring people who hate darling and fun. A ring is basicly a 'get out of regular life free' card so take time off to plan your wedding for all intensive purposes.
  • OMGOSH THANK YOU FOR WAITING TIL JUNE! By in large, only frumps or chubs or both get married in months besides May/June/July. Blechy. I know its months more of technicly-chaste passion but the wait is worth the sunny pics. If possible, choose a theme.
  • Never forget that every one you know cares deeply about all the deets of your wedding...maybe even think about starting a separate WEDDING BLOG! Seriously, when me and HeartNugget were engaged, we were the first people engaged in all of ever and all our friends and fam and acquantances and co-workers LOVED it that we never shut up about it. And don't let your Angelbabe pick anything...is it his day or is it YOUR day? Exactly!
  • This is a great time to start smothering your own JJWT to let him know what he has to look forward to for eternities...never forget: needier equals sweetier. Text and call and email and bring him treats thruout the day and write him poems and candy posters and laugh at ALL jokes and say your fat a lot so he gets used to telling you nuh-huh.
  • If you have any freinds getting married around now, this is a GREAT time to let your passive aggressive light shine with things like "I'm so glad MY future husband doesn't ____" and a frownsmile. This shows one of my alltime favorite combos of greatfulness mixed w/ pity.
  • Irregardless of your current size, your gonna be nekky soon so STOP. EATING. NOW.
OK, a bajill more to come (obvsly) but that's a good Start. cOnGrAtS to you and my other engaged e-BFFs! ACK! I almost forgot! Hurry! Wear all your skankiest clothes now while you still can!

{You can learn about MY wedding here and Ruth's blechy one here. And if your not even engaged yet, get some advise for your spinsty self here}

67 comments:

amanda said...

i forgot to stop eating... and my wedding's on sat. good think my guy likes a little junk in the trunk.

Brittney said...

Uhh, you forgot to mention if your friend is getting married around the same time to make sure your wedding is BEFORE theirs, preferably bigger and better and the day before theirs. You definitely don't want any guests who are bringing fabulous gifts to put your wedding lower on the list of priorities. Your wedding needs to be first so any money available in these tough economic times is spent on your gift, not your friend's.

Kathryn said...

"intensive purposes"

thanks for the chuckle, TAMN

The Bradley's said...

No wonder I'm such a frump - I got married in FEBRUARY for crying out loud! And I didn't quit school or start a wedding blog. Ugh! I did everything wrong! I didn't even wear skanky clothes. Totally feeling like a loser now. Oh, but I was needy. At least I got one thing right...


Oh, and "technicly-chaste passion" - that cracks me up.

Misty said...

This is definitely one of my favorite posts that you have done. HILARIOUS!

Anonymous said...

And, totally don't forget the tiarra!

WhiteEyebrows said...

I am getting married in 25 days, TAMN, to someone hotter than you. What advice would JJWT have for me?

Alison said...

TAMN, you forgot to mention how the week right after finals at the Lord's University is THE week to get married.
I'm a frump, I got married the end of August, but at least it was still warm!

Marisa said...

You forgot to mention to start spray tanning now. Real tanning causes wrinkles and those make me frown-frown instead of frown-smile.

Plain Jame said...

DOOD, this is perty awesoum advise. Thanx tamners!

Candace said...

If only I would have had this advice when I was about to get nekky...Gosh. I did everything wrong. March wedding included!

The Bradley's said...

Oh, and remember to put a note in your invitation letting all your guests know where you're registered - because that's not tacky AT ALL!

Bradley, DeAnna, and Donovan said...

Wow, I'm really glad I don't fit in the frump category. Thankfully, I got married in June! I totally forgot to wear skanky clothes before getting married and now I will never get to! I guess I could always adopt your tuck and pin method.

Mhana said...

Oh my heck TAMNers you are such a sweetheart! I specially lurve the advise to dress skanky now - I've been back from my mission for over two years and I had this thought that I was supposed to dress all matronly with sleeves n stuff 'cause I'm an RM and all. So that does kinda make me extra spirchal, probably more than you, no affence! Spiritual does NOT equall frump, I shoulda known! I forgot how as a (soon to be former, gotta drop out!) student at a Telestial university I can totally blend in in my oober-cute February approriate tube-top! No rules about clothes here in the mission field! I need to make sure MY Snugglybunny is FULL of righteous desires by the time we get married! LOL! Lookin' forward to gettin' more advise!

Kara Miller said...

HAHAHAAA!! This has to be one of the best posts yet :)
I don't get the logic behind getting married in the temple then having your bridesmaids in immodest dresses...yet so many people do it!
I, of course, got married in July 'cuz I'm not a frumpy Yvette!

keighty said...

TAMN, what's your opinion of 20 year old gals who have May birthdays? Getting married when you're 21 or older is a social death sentence. Not only were you not cute enough to get married sooner, but you're that much more in debt with unnecessary student loans and everyone looks at your JJWT as a "get out of mission free" card. So should those May flowers sign up for an April wedding, or should they risk eternal ridicule to have modest strapless bridesmaids?

J-Dub said...

great post TAMN! They gotta look good nekky!

Brittany said...

Hmm well I got married in November...but we are in California so it was sunny...is that ok Tamn? And at least I did quit BYU-Hawaii to plan the wedding!! Make sure to have the longest veil, the biggest tiara, and the longest train possible!

Jane Doe said...

One of your bests posts in a long time. This remind me of the TAMN that started this blog, not the TAMN who's been writing lately. Glad you're back!

Jess said...

Oh my gosh! This is only part uno?! I can't wait for part dose! So much needed advice!

Meg said...

Good advise. I wanted to comment on your survey, though. Please don't forget to give the RS a list of the foods you won't be eating after Twinsies are birthed. That way no one wastes their time (and yours!) bringing you salmon when you obviously wouldn't put your kiddos at risk with all the mercury. And dairy? Are you kidding me? Some people aren't very considerate when it comes to bringing in meals, especially ones they make themselves, so you should be clear.
By the way, it was so sweet of you to bring me that coupon to Papa John's from your Sundee mailer after my first baby!

Charly said...

I'm a veritable Ruth! We're getting married in the autumn, I'm going to (gasp!) GRAD SCHOOL, the diamonds in my ring aren't even a quarter-carat altogether, I'm involving my fiancé . . . I guess it just goes to show that there really is somewhere out there even for the "sweet spirits" among us who still eat food (frownsmile).

AzĂșcar said...

It would be WAY SAD if you asked anyone who was already married to be you're bridesmaid because then they would want to wear a SWEATER or a BOLHARO over the cute dress you picked out and UGH! SERIOUSLY! That just ruins everything!

So seriously don't do that. k THANX!!

Chels said...

I think I am the only one in the whole universe that had a
super amazing--
most un-believeable-
super expensive--
best photos eva---
wedding in NOVEMBER.
I am so above it- and super hot that I could even break the month rule and it was still the most wonderfullest wedding anyone has ever been to...
People still talk about it...
I even had a big pre-wedding party on Halloween (weddin' was on the 1st of NOV.) We totally ALL Dressed up, and everyone trick-o-treated at the hotel from room to room.

Serious. True story.

I have pics even....
I know, you think I am so cool, we could so be besties... too bad I live in Sin City in all my rightousness. But the best of us have to live here, no one else can stay good on the Plan.

And--- Today is my GOLDEN Birthday. I am 24 on this the 24th of Feb! I know, my life is the best ever. Did you know on the year of your GOLDEN birthday you are supposed to have the BEST YEAR OF YOUR LIFE?? I know... I have it so good already, how could it possibly get better?!?!?
Then again, I am pregnant with our 3rd. I have gained the minimal amount of weight, no matter how much sweets, icecream, and donuts I consume....
Yeesh! It's lookin' like a good year already!

Jaime said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SAHM: Surviving Assorted Home Mayhem said...

just when I thought it couldn't get any funnier slash ridiculous than 'get out of regular life free' card and technicly-chaste passion you hit us with the mother of them all; Wear all your skankiest clothes now while you still can!

jhjonze said...

"technicly-chaste passion"

One more reason I love you TAMNers!
Can that be a tee-shirt?

SAHM: Surviving Assorted Home Mayhem said...

Had to pop back in to say how much I love "clueless commenters"! just makes this whole thing that much more fun!

Chels said...

Can I just say, isn't this crazy stuff what we come here for?!?!?
To make fun of our lives!??!?!?!??? And how SERIOUSLY we all take it!??! We all need to make LIGHT the stupid things that we notice or that we DO! You are SUPPOSED to read this for a laugh right? Tamners knows that there are just some of us IN on the joke of real life and the people we deal with! No one really should tuck and pin... but are there thoes people we think MIGHT? yes. Do we judge... Hopefully no. The skankie clothes, who DOSEN'T wish that sometimes it was O.K. to wear a tank?? We all know that IN REALITY we must all pray for the best and prepare for the worst, so none of us would check out of life... but do we WISH it was that easy??? As Tamn would say "H YES!" We all know we HAVE TO EAT, but do we still all WISH we were the skinniest and hottest people?? YES! So we deal with it, and some of us make it light!!! YEA for seeing the world through rose colored glasses--- even if we have had some rough times!

Kayleigh said...

Hahahahahaha. This was gold. "Wear your skankiest clothes while you still can!" Brilliant.

dunnthat said...

I...LURVE...THIS...BLOG!!! I must agree with others, "technicly-chaste passion" is hysTERical. "Intensive purposes"...{snark}
Don't stop writing...I will die. Die I tell you. WE know how funny you are :)
Mhana...great question. Great name :) I'm sure you not ugly.

Howertons in Iowa said...

Where were you when I got married? - totally could have used this oh so righteous help!

"Technicly- chaste passion" totally deserves a tee-shirt like jhjonze said :)

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

Oh, this post is hilarious.

What would you all do if you you had world domination?

Anonymous said...

Jaime.

Oh. Jaime.

It's okay. You'll get it eventually.

Chelsea said...

"Technicly chaste"? "Needier=sweetier"? TAMN, you kill me! This one's a classic.

b. said...

That is hilarious!

Dirk said...

Once again, You Rock TAMN, though it seems someone needs to explain to Jamie and her Ruthy friend, exactly what SSB is all about.

Oh and one thing I thing I've picked up on as a guy. When it comes to wedding time, there is no such thing as friends. If she is planning a wedding any time within a year of yours, she is no friend. A true friend would put her weddy day off to ensure yours is super special.

Alisa said...

H yeah you've got to wear all the skanky clothes you can. It's pretty much prison garb after the fact.

brossettelewis said...

Psst, you forget to tell her buy tons of cute baby stuff and start storing it! BE PREPARED! Clothes, books, jewelry, anthro-stuff, your Eternal DH will be so happy you planned ahead.

Jaime said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christa Jeanne said...

Faboo post, TAMNers dear. I'll definitely keep this in mind for when my JJWT comes along. Too bad I'm *gasp!!!* 26 and already have had a career for four years - no dropping out of school for me. But it's all good - I've made peace with my spinsty-ness.

Julie de Azevedo said...

This post gets you into the top teir of the CK, for sure!

Breathe...I'm trying to just breathe in between the outbursts of glee. BAAAAHAAAA!!!!

GREAT time to let your passive aggressive light shine...multi-tasking is for boaring people who hate darling and fun...more of technicly-chaste passion but the wait is worth the sunny pics...A ring is basicly a 'get out of regular life free' card...Irregardless of your current size...Wear all your skankiest clothes now while you still can!

GENIUS TAMNers

Julie de Azevedo said...

This post gets you into the top teir of the CK for sure!

Breathe...I'm trying to just breathe in between the outbursts of glee. BAAAAHAAAA!!!!

GREAT time to let your passive aggressive light shine...multi-tasking is for boaring people who hate darling and fun...more of technicly-chaste passion but the wait is worth the sunny pics...A ring is basicly a 'get out of regular life free' card...Irregardless of your current size...Wear all your skankiest clothes now while you still can!

GENIUS TAMNers!

Jaime's comment she seems to have erased said...

in case you missed it:

"Okay, I hope this is meant to be a joke. After reading some of these comments, I'm thinking that it must just be your sense of humor. I have to admit when I was just told about this post from a gal, she didn't take it as a joke, and thinks that she needs to quit school, and become anorexic, etc. I really hope this is just a joke. I can't believe any decent LDS woman would suggest that a girl stop going to school just because she's getting married. What happens when a year into her marriage her husband dies, and leaves her barefoot & pregnant. These days you need an education to fall back on, especially to support a family. I also don't appreciate you making jokes about such sacred covenants that we agree to in the Temple. That is just something that you should never joke about, under any circumstances. You should be ashamed of yourself, joke or not, this is a terrible post, and I'm offended by it, and I know plenty of others who are too."

kris said...

i.

love.

this.

blog.

Trent!? said...

Greatfulness mixed with pity is one of MY favorite combos, too!!!

This blog delights me, as do the Jaimes of the world. Thank you, TAMN, thank you.

Hillary Hall said...

TAMN TAMN Girlie! You absolutely must post pics of your most amazing wedding day so the brides to be can have something as amazing as your day to strive for!

Jamee_J said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brittany said...

Hehehe Oh Jamie...

Jamee_J said...

What a great post Tamns!
If only all the brides had this advice! New to your seriously so funny blog! Hurd 'bout it from my bff, and not the e-style kind. But for all of us who already have our heart-nuggets slash eternal companions... would you tell us who in your home does the housework? (frown-smile) Especially the laundry (blech!) Being as super cute as you our you must just buy all new clothes, cause you can't be seen in the same thing. Ever. Let us know!
~Jamee

SB said...

Please continue to repost Jamie's comments. I'm dieing to know what she said!!!! Thanks!!

Heidi Ashworth said...

Stop. Eating. Now. It's good advice for any occasion (and a crack up, too!)

ukyankoz said...

TAMNers, can we puhleaze, puhleaze, puhleaze have a new batch of t-shirts??!! And can one of them say 'Needier is Sweetier'??? PUH-LEEEEEEZE????!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Seriously. So. Catty.

Just b'cause someone comes on here and doesn't think this is like the most hillarious blog ever doesn't make it ok to laugh at them.

Jaime is my new e-BFF.

Matt and Jennae Porter said...

Jamie! Wake up dear.

Tamners this is one of your best ones ever. Is it bad that I just recently realized that the phrase is NOT "intensive purposes?" BAAA! And you seriously need to remove the ticker from the bottom of your blog that always says mean things about you. Now it says u have cankles. EWWWW TAMN!

Rach said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

This is pure comedic gold.

TAMN, great advice for the lovely Mhana!

Jaime, don't worry, it always a lot of people a few minutes to figure this out. It seems just bad enough to be all too real sometimes.

Angry Anon, the dear Jaime didn't just think it "wasn't the most hilarious blog ever." She basically called TAMN to repentance for the best parts of this post, and yes, we can all laugh at that.

keighty said...

It's sad, because Jaime does have a point-- they are sacred, and you shouldn't make fun of them. The truly heinous act, however, is that Jaime fails to recognize the satirical nature of the blog that is actually poking fun at the people who take themselves too seriously as a result of the "status" of church membership. The culture begs for being made fun of, and for those of us amidst it against our will, laughing sure beats crying. TAMN, you'll have to train your twinners to be as brilliant as you are, so I can be sure my kids will have something to laugh with/at.

Renny said...

Sometimes I wonder how old Yvette is. 19? 20?

Bradley, DeAnna, and Donovan said...

I'm sorry to say it, and I love them despite it, but I do know girls like TAMN. I wish they would read this blog to see how superficial and idiotic they are! I love this blog because it brings these things to light and maybe by reading and seeing themselves in TAMN, these girls figure out what's really important in life. I do agree that the covenants we make shouldn't be taken lightly and I will apologize for my "tuck and pin" comment that I made, I would never do that...but I know a few women who have and guess what, it isn't my business! Those kinds of things are between that person and the Lord, it isn't my place to judge, but it doesn't mean I don't notice it! That is the point, that is why this is so funny because there really are TAMN's out there....maybe not to her degree but there are girls out there solely focused on their looks and giving the outward appearance of righteousness. It makes me really sad that Jaime's friend would really take this seriously and think she needs to be anorexic and quit school...seriously, anyone who takes this seriously needs to stay in school for sure.

Brooke said...

I love that her friend's name is Mhana. All I can think about now is Johnny Lingo and his eight cows!

kris said...

This blog rocks. You know you rock when you're still offending people after months and months of blogging this stuff. :)

pinky said...

hm.....

i just got engaged (a month ago)

our wedding is in june so i guess i'm good there :)
any more helpful hints? i can't wait!!\

apinkypromise.blogspot.com

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee hee Intensive purposes! Needier equals sweetier! hee hee You're so cute, tamners.

cchrissyy said...

"If possible, choose a theme." "STOP. EATING. NOW."
yes! TAMN, you always know just what I need to hear!

Chels said...

Ok!!!
POOR JAMIE!! Girlie, you are awesome! We all knew already this was a joke... I would have been like "WhAt?!?!" a bit too!!!!

The thing is, I know a girlfriend here who read the blog for A LONG TIME, not knowing that it was a gag!
Don't let any comments (even mine) offend you!
We all love you, but it is all a joke for us, you have now been LET IN THE GROUP!
Luvs Girl!! And A BIG WELCOME!

And don't be shy!!! We are all here for a little unusual in our normal days!!! If you have somethin to say, power to ya sweets!!!

And Kudos for being defensive. I am sure alot of people would agree for the most part if this WERE serious!!!

~*~*~Britni~*~*~ said...

Hey TAMN before you get busy popping out way cute feti you should take the About Our Marriage quiz every1 on FB is doing! Im DYIN to know which is smarter you or JJWT and which is more sensative and where you guys had you're first date!

Mike B said...

I wanted to give a quick hint to your friend who just got engaged. Make sure she does lots of back tickling (with her left hand) during Sunday School. It will: #1 show off her HUGE sparkly ring..(tell her to sit under a light if possible) #2 show everyone how lucky her man is to be engaged to a girl who will give endless back tickles to her guy. #3 mostly it will just show off the ring..