February 26, 2009

if you lurve it then you shoulda put a ring on it!: PART 2

Are you seriously suprised theres more where the last ones came from?

My friend Mhana's engaged {finally} and needs my advise for when she ties the knot with her own AngelBabe!

TAMNerses advise for the bethrothed, part dose.
  • Every week from now til bride day, say how many days are left til you get married during the Good News Minute. If you're RS doesn't have a GNM, take the service opp to start one by just shouting "{this many} DAYS TIL I'M MRS. ___!" at the beginning of each lesson. Way fun, way cute, way endearing.
  • Hurry and say what your doing with colors and flowers and favors and bows so if any of your alleged "friends" who are getting married at the same time do any of the same stuff, you can shout "Sad! I CALLED IT FIRST!" and hate them for copycating.
  • Strength in #'s....this means if the photographer gives you less than eight thousand proofs, forget it! Don't be self conscience about this. Also, do what you want, but the magic # for bridesmades and showers is 12. If you don't have AT LEAST a dozen of both, people might think your a gross friendless loner.
  • If you haven't already done this...Go make your newlywed blog. NOW. If some meanie's already taken your YournameHisnameLastName.blogspot, the good news is you can still do something illiterative. Make sure to mention in the profile that your both SUPER BUSY and you CANNOT believe how BUSY you are but you've NEVER been HAPPIER so no one thinks your lame.
  • If you have any spinsty friends, this is a great time to say how sad you are for them and how lonly it must be to have such a bummer life ALL ALONE with NO ONE TO LOVE THEM for EVER AND EVER. No one's told me this yet, but pretty sure they appreciate the acknowlegment.
  • You do NOT needs kids, pets, or really anything except the two of you to start throwing around the "All bc two people fell in love" thing. The lack of sense it makes when it's just the two of you makes it that much cuter!
Anywho, since you have til June, I'll give it a couple months before we have to talk about your up coming nuzzle-prep class at THE DTD! ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

49 comments:

Jenny said...

Wow, I feel love just reading that. Really.

Antia said...

You are truly an inspired woman Tamnerz!!! You SHOULD WRITE A BOOK!!!

Rach said...

Crap. I've been married a month and I don't have the newlywed blog yet. Hang on.

ramsam said...

definitely a Newlywed blog! Be sure to capture all thos exciting details like dress fitting, nail appointments, hair styles, super exciting bridal showers...
you know, the list goes on and no one ever seems to get enough of it!

kris said...

nuzzle-prep?

ew.

Jacque said...

You are truly an inspired woman Tamnerz!!! You SHOULD WRITE A BOOK!!!

Jacque said...

You are truly an inspired woman Tamnerz!!! You SHOULD WRITE A BOOK!!!

Kristina P. said...

I'm thinking along with the wedding countdown for the Good News minute, you also add that means that's the countdown for when you also get to have sex as Mrs. So and So. Totally appropriate.

And then after the wedding, you can announce your "cycle" so everyone knows when you can get pregnant! Yay!!!

Karianne Salisbury said...

Oh yes! My totally favorite thing is the instant people get engaged (some wait FUREVER till their marriedd) to start a joint blog/e-mail address. I mean once you've made such an amazing commitment, who needs individuality?

The Boob Nazi said...

I hate good news moment more than anything in the whole wide world.

Karianne Salisbury said...

Oh YAY! My *absolute* fav thing is when cutie couples get engaged and mediately (some wait fuurever till their married) start a joint blog/e-mail address. I mean, once you've made such an uh-mazing commitment, who needs individuality?

Kerry said...

Illiterative?!

Goodness, I love this blog.

Janeal said...

You should post the blog on the nuzzle prep class ASAP cuz I'm gettin hitched in May and need advice from you, TAMN!

Alisa said...

I hope the nuzzle prep class includes birth control. I could really use your help with that TAMN. Do I let the kids come as they will or do I rock this hot bod as long as I can?

Nerd Goddess said...

Oh TAMNers, if only you'd given this awesome advice SOONER! I TOTALLY missed out on SO MUCH when I got married last December.

To think of all the things I did wrong...

Heather said...

Umm, TAMN? Whats the dill w/Yvette? Or has she not called you yet. SaD!!!

Kandis said...

once again I have peed my pants...laughing so hard!

em said...

oh tamn, what would my selfless heart do without you!? wink, (((hug))), <3!

Libby said...

"Illiterative." Snort, giggle, snort.

The Bradley's said...

I cannot WAIT for the nuzzle-prep details!!!

Token Asian Friend said...

Wedding details are a BIG DEAL, and preserving their uniqueness is worth the loss of a few friends.

Sassy Cassie said...

lurve this. made my day!

MamaBear said...

illiterative made my heart nugget sing, too. only MY h-n is within me. all mine. stinky old DH who won't give his soul into my keeping.

reading about a gnm just makes me gladder i'm a no-mo mo.

Tiff and Jim said...

You might want to remind her of the age-old (and painfully obvious) tradition of scratching her new fiance's back during sacrament meeting with her LEFT hand to show off her diamond. This will sufficiently remind everyone that they are SINGLE!

Brooke said...

"No one's told me this yet, but pretty sure they appreciate the acknowlegment." -- By far the most brilliant line in the post! You're totally on the right track TAMN ... I'm a single gal and I just love it when my formerly single friends suddenly become my own personal datingcoach/pitygiver because a guy slid a ring on their finger. Their advice is so earthshattering and unique! Who knows how I survived to this point when they were all single like me?

Amanda said...

This blog makes my life complete.

thecapitall said...

Thankyouthankyouthankyou TAMNer, dear! I can't wait until it's MY turn to make sweet, sweet lovesites (like websites, but FUNNER) for some handsome prince and meeeeee!

Kari said...

Gross friendless loser?

eeK! :/

SO thankFULL i don't have to worry about any of this cause i'm already mArRiEd to the best hubby EVER!

pinky said...

OMG (standing for oh my gosh of course...) you are my idol!!! can i just tell you that without you i would have forgotten all of this and not done any of it whilst i am engaged and therefore my marriage probably wouldn't have lasted all through the eternities!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have you to thank for my utter happiness from now until forever.

thank you

apinkypromise.blogspot.com
megancolette.blogspot.com

keighty said...

TAMN, what do you think about Merican Idol-esque auditions for bridesmaids? With a mastery of the frownsmile, you can be both Paula AND Simon at the same time.

Mhana said...

Oh myheckers! I'm kinda dreadin/TOTaly looking forward to the pre-nuzzle talk info session. I mean I've been to my DTD like 13 times or something but every time they try to talk to me I just cover my ears and hum "Families can be together forever" and I put up portraits of the RS presidency over their ucky porno drawings of women's bodies. I'm willing to do what a girls gotta do, but i have standards. I would LURVE to hear a GOSPLE perspective on the beauty of nuzzlin. I hope you have some good tips of how to use my hotness and alluritude to punish/coax my CuddleBuns. As for "All because two people fell in love" well PLENTY has happened all because two people fell in love! I have a gorgeous ring, I bought a gorgeous dress, I'm having gorgeous flowers and fancy photographer, I get to drop out of school, I get a new last name, new blog, tons of new stuff, hubby bragging rights, out of a student ward and probably insta-YW prez (no offense but I doubt it will take ME two years! LOL! Not that I aspire or anything but I humbly know my individual worth) ALL BECAUSE TWO PEOPLE FELL IN LOVE!!!! BAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

clan of the cave hair said...

I can't beleive that you haven't advised her as to whether she should be planning 2, 3 or 4 receptions! TAMN, where is your head my lovely?

Hillary Hall said...

I must hear more about this so called "nuzzle-prep". Please TAMN fill us in on what your prep was all about.....

Jody Lynn said...

Best blog eva! TAMN...you make my life so much better!

Motion DeSmiths said...

TAMNkins, I really hope you get into deetail about SPIRITCHAL nuzzling bc Mhana doesnt attend the Lord's U or any of its lesser righteous variations. I'M LIKE SHURE she could have gotten in bc she sometimes uses words I don't understand. Buuut...maybe her eccleeziasticul endorsement didn't go so well...if you catch my drift...*pity pout*. For her sake focus on how righteous it can be to nuzzle for the first time. Also, maybe in your next giveaway you could give out BYU honor code approved DialAtOrs you get from the BYU DTD for those poor girls outside of Zion who are presumed hoochies by their DTDs.

kris and judd said...

Don't forget to walk around church holding your pursestrap up with you left hand too so your blinging ring can be seen all the way down the hall! And to really impress the single gals, announce how many hours it will be until you get married; this one couple did that every week in my ward. Annoying, yet impressive!
TAMN, where's Yvette?!?!?! Did she get a ring yet on her cruise so she can partake in all this awesome engaged advice?!?!!?

Andrew said...

What about the joint Facebook profile? You forgot that. Nothing says true love like "Tim Laura Hill."

That way you can approve friends or defriend his ex-girlfriends, and even leave mean comments on their wall as if you were him!

Emily said...

Something that lots of my frens have done is just use first names with AND.

so, http://tamnandjjwt.blogspot.com and then if that's takin, you can still be SO cute by just swiching the order of the names!!! to like, http://jjwtandtamn.blogspot.com.

This works!!

PS. What is happining with Yvette and her cruise? Did that happen yet? Have I somehow missed an updat about it???

Kari said...

Tammers!!! You furgot to mention that it's TOTALLy ok to be engaged and keep riting your ex while he's on his Mish! You never know what could happen in the next few months till the big day.????!!! What happends if your current finance changes majors from Pre-law to Social Work!!!!?? You would be sooo happy you kept a back up!!!!

Mhana said...

Motion DeSmiths you are such a sweetheart! Its too bad you need to work on your gossip, I didn't go to the Lord's school becauase I felt prompted to stay a hot rightchus commidity in a small pool and I guess it payed off! Frownsmile. I rilly wish I had access to a Provo DTD, mine asks all these rude questions that are not appropropriate and show how much like Gommorah The World Is. Is it possible to get Cougar themed gyno help if you aren't a cougarette?

Michael and Megan Gery said...

your smiling feti flutter happily? omg, i couldn't live without this blog. and Mhana, you're my new hero.

Motion DeSmiths said...

I WAS JUST JOSHIN you Mhana!!!!!!!!!!111 Sides, I feel so bad about ur inappropriate DTD. Your so unfortunate Mhana! Lucky for YOU I saved my bag o' Appropriate nuzzle-talk GOODIES and literature. HURRAY!

Mina said...

How totally kind of you to fill the pain of you're spinsty friends. BUt letz face it--woll they rilly be you're friends enymore once your married? You can't run the risk of them flurting with you're bran-new hubbie or having it look like your bragging b/c your SOOO happy sense your not single anymore.

Matt and Jennae Porter said...

Ok these comments are almost as funny as the post itself!! TAMN i can't wait for the pre-nuzzle class u r going to give us. Even after 7 yrs of marriage I'm sure u could teach me a thing or two!

The Petersons said...

TAHM, this is all great advice, but I wanted to make you aware of something AWFUL I just noticed.... Your floating 360 feti is NAKED and spread eagle!! I can't believe you would allow porn on your blog. I think you had better do some serious thinking about what is and what isn't against the plan. I'm just sayin....

Kayleigh said...

"The lack of sense it makes when it's just the two of you makes it that much cuter."

Haha. No truer words have been spoken.

Jenn said...

TAMN you are seriously so riteous and inspired. I am sure you were prompted to write these posts just for me. I just got engaged on FRIDAY so its perfect timing. I've already started planning and using all of your tips and suggestions so keep them coming! Especially ones about nuzzling and the DTD. Ah! Well I'd better go, my finger is starting to hurt from typing so much because my ring is so huge and gorgeous and the sparklyness is getting my my eyes.

PS: Early August is still okay for modest strapless dresses right? I'm so scared that getting married August 7th means I'm a frump or a chub. Or worse....BOTH!! Eeek!

Emily S said...

I would LOVE to hear some wedding announcement tips from you. Make sure and tell the girls how important it is to include as many kissing photos as possible, preferably at least one where your hands are in eachother's back pockets.

Tiff and Jim said...

Whatever happened to the concept of waiting until we're grown ups before we get married? That way, our husbands have degrees like big boys, and we don't need to worry about them changing majors! So glad I waited until it was practical!