March 23, 2009

hellllp!

Update: there IS no update!


I know everyone's checking back to see if the feti are here yet, but no I'm STILL preggo and it's making me pouty bc the MiaMaids keep talking about Lynzii's triplets and I need attention, not to mention I have to P like every second. Since I know all my e-BFFs want to hear deets about my girl parts, ya, my cervix is dialated and iffaced and pelvic and all that, and I'm having ginormous Toni Braxton Hix contractions that kick my trash but still no feti.


I want them to be born NOW! Well, after tomorrow's Biggest Looser.


How do I get them to come out quicker? Any advise? I mean, yeah, nuzzle my brains out {which JJWT told me he'd kill me if I blogged about so shhh} but seriously, helllllp!

95 comments:

Becky said...

Oh My gosh!!!! Tamn your life is so hard!!!!! I hear if you drink castor oil the feti will come sooner but lets be honest that is Y-U-C-K-Y !!!! I would suggest facial mask that incorporates essential oil bcuz that is pracktikally the same plus your skin will look AHHHmazing for your labor pix.

Mormons and Politics said...

you didn't choose me for the giveaway but I'll help you out n-e-wayz. Go bowling! That always gets the buggers to pop out because its so icky in bowling allies that they do anything to get out of there.

Mandie Green said...

A good dose of pitocin helped with #1, nuzzle time with my honey helped with #2. Good luck!

Mhana said...

I think you're on to something with that biggest loser, you should weigh yourself and then again after you have the babies and you'll have lost so much in a week! Compete against all the other women in the ward too. Maybe the babies are holding in so you'll have time to organize this. Maybe the babies are holding in because you haven't finished decorating/haven't put up enough vinyl lettering/don't have precious wood signs with lettering in two fonts on it or something! Make sure you go over the checklist out loud so the feti know their future home is precioused up!

Lisa Wilson said...

Not to make the sacred art of baby making sound pornographic, but sex. Yes sex will get you into labor....

dunnthat said...

So sorry your life is so hard. Seriously giving me a downer for you. Sorry, but nuzzling (specifically the end result if you know what I mean) is the best medicine (ironic, right?). But for something new, try driving over lots of speed bumps.

The Haights said...

Castor. Oil. It works! And you will lose a couple of pounds in the process!!

Em said...

Ride an elevator going up and it will suck those babies right out! Better use the elevator at the hospital...close and convenient!

Jackie said...

Does Castor oil make you poop while you are in labor?

The Price Family said...

Believe it or not acupuncture works, but I have a feeling you would be pretty icked out over needles. But a serious sit down with OB should do it! IS he LDS? I am sure if you told him you do not want to miss teaching your Mia Maids you could schedule it for tomorrow and be up and running by Friday:)

Kandis said...

Treat yourself to a pedi! And tell the little korean lady to rub the back of your ankle really hard! SERIOUSLY...I will work!

Jane @ What About Mom? said...

Nothing works, esp. for first babies. I tried caster oil, seeded rye bread. Lots of nuzzles in odd, uh, configurations, and running up and down stairs.

If you tell your dr that you have been feeling much less movement, you can probably get her to measure your water levels and rush you into surgery. Because H-no does your body know when the right time is.

Elizabeth said...

TAMNS! I can't imagine how you fell with no feti yet! My first baby was 13 days late and it was awwful. Seriously though, just wait bc it's a great excuse to be growchy and get everyone to spoil you! Demand pedis and massages and Cafe Rio 24/7. And NEVER NEVER take caster oil. You don't want to have um "indigestion" during labor which is already ick enough.

Elizabeth said...

you should let your DTD know that you want the babes out by Thurs bball games, and schedule an induction. It's really the way to go, and what a great gift to your hubby to have the twinners watch the games with him.

MamaBear said...

K, it's already mentioned that nuzzling produces the same hormones that make contractions.

but it's very important to know BEFORE you're IN labor that labor can produce #2 whether or not you took castor oil. i was way spazzed when it happened to me. poo happens. yes, yes, it does. i'm so sorry.

i bet TAMN can give birth to twins without letting any out though. b/c of her innate superiority. but just in case it happens - now ya know.

The Bowldens said...

so sorry! i remember that. at least you are killing two bird with one stone. you dont have to be pregnant like this again for a while, right?
walking and exercising helped. praying also helped. no joke on that one!

Cristin said...

Jump on a trampoline.

Kara Miller said...

Duh, you gotta go jump on the tramp.

Mrs. Schmalison said...

Not to be a downer but be blessed you can have babies at all. Enjoy it while it lasts. Just make sure your JJWT is making you super comfortable. Ask you DTD to *whispers* strip your membranes. Thats what did it for my baby girl!

Jody said...

Two words: Purple Nurple

Kim said...

Fake contractions! Just go to the hospital and tell them you're in labor. Then every 3-4 minutes scream and cry and make a huge scene. Make sure you wiggle around a lot so the monitors fall off and don't monitor your "contractions". After a few hours they'll feel so bad for you that they'll give you pitocin to speed it up, or just give you a c-section. Make sure you're louder than all the other preggos there, or you won't get the attention you deserve.

PlowgianPage said...

Walking and Sex definitely help.

Shala said...

Go to your garage, hop on your 4 wheeler and take a lightly bumpy ride around the neighborhood. You should not get in trouble riding it on and off the curb since you are preggers and can just let everyone know you are trying to induce labor naturally.

Richel said...

Pizza Benders at Italian Village. Worked for me!

kris and judd said...

Oh my gosh, the Mia Maids in my ward were talking about Lynzii's trips too! you need to distract JJWT from those darn basketball games and nuzle righchously! Maybe u should wear that halter top?

Token Asian Friend said...

I hear caster oil is the rudest thing you could do to your DTD. I mean, who wants to be on the receiving end of THAT?

I say drink some straight coke...give those babies a real sugar jolt.

Casey and Jeannie said...

Tamn.

It's simple.

You aren't asking the universe for them to come out! All you are doing is complaining (I mean talking about how) that they are still in. Start visualizing the feti in your arms and how much cuter they will be than Lynzii's.

That and lots of nuzzling and spicy Cafe Rio.

b. said...

Try secks on a four-willer after drinking warm castor oil.

evitafjord said...

An elective Cesar section gets them out really quickly. It leaves a little scar, but you could probably just ask your DTD to put it in the right spot so that you can cover it with your super modest bikini. AND they could, not that you need it, but could take whatever extra icky skin the babies mighta stretched out and just tuck it right back in with the same stitches. It's totally awesome and bearly hurts at all. Plus you can schedule it for whenever you want to and go on bedrest AFTER the babies get here too while JJWT takes time off from everything to pamper all 3 of you. It will be wonderful.

Paul said...

I can't believe nobodys been righteous enough to come up with the most obvious answer - just pray about it. Also, ask the ward to do a special ward fast for you next week when you are baring your testimony.

Christy said...

A seriously long massage is the best way to help your darling feti come out, especially if you go in for a pedi too. And you might as well have your hair done so you'll look absolutely hot for all the professional pictures you're having taken during your labor (which you HAVE scheduled, right?).

Jamie said...

I did DDR (dance dance revolution) and that sent me into labor . . . and going swimming. But maybe you should be pachient and wait for the Lords time table . ..

Heather said...

This worked with my first:
Chocolate ice cream milk and an entire bottle of castor oil! Blend in blender to make an oh-so-delicious milkshake. Drink quickly or you won't finish it. Kind of like a shot of booz! (Not that you know anything about that.) Then prepare for a total gross out fest either leaning over the toilet or sitting on it. It lasts a couple hours but then you are totally in labor after that! Oh and BTW it doesn't make you poop during labor. On the contrary it gets everything out before hand so you don't have an embarrassing #2 episode while pushing those darling little fetis out!

And this also works: Swinging on the swings. I swear it just pushes those babies right on out. I try this one first. Less extreme and less gross!

Dirk said...

Trampoline time TAMN, bounce those babies loose.

Stephanie said...

TAMN I can't imagine how horrible it must be to not have the feti here to play with. How dare Lynzii parade her triplets around especially with your mia maids. That was done in poor taste!

Sarah said...

Oh my gosh, TAMN! I heard if twinners run late, both of them are boys. It's like a sciencetiffick fact. Are you prepared for that possibility?

Also, I don't know about nuzzling, but sexual intercourse should get both of your feti out in a flash. Don't do the castor oil. My DTD discouraged it, saying I didn't want to start labor with severe cramping and d-i-a-r-r-h-e-a.

Tiffany said...

Trampoline jumping works wonders. Be sure to wear protection though cuz your totally gonna pee your pants.

And I wanted to give friendly reminder to take your Abs of Steel video to the hospital so you can get a move on to being your hot self again...well not that your not hot now...

Nikki said...

well, I have heard that wine works. But a course that is so WRONG for you... so they must be meaning the other kind of whine. SO WHINE YOUR BUTT OFF!

Darrell and Amanda said...

I hear really bad things about castor oil!

GladysIcanbee said...

Turkey dinner. Rilly. notice how tons of feti emerge on Thanksgiving weekend? While you're getting the pedi you might as well get your legs waxed too, not that you need it but you won't have time to take care of it for a while.

liz said...

i tell you one thing NOT to do - eat a "prego pizza" that is full of pepperoni, chirizo, onions, and just about anything that might upset your stomach. it might make the babies come BUT that pizza will come out the back end too. . . eeewww!!

Kellie said...

Olive Garden works! Have JJWT take you out to a nice romantic dinner at Olive Garden and that will definitely get those feti out! It worked for me and a bunch of other girls in my R.S.

Emili said...

SO TRUE what GLadys said, I totally came the morning after Thanksgiving dinner, don't forget the deviled eggs!
And DON'T. TAKE. CASTOR. OIL. just trust me on that one.

Motion DeSmiths said...

You GUYS.

Of COURSE TAMN doesn't poop. Seriously...

The Duke and Heidi Jones Family said...

Oh my gosh- DON'T do the castor oil thing. Miserable and it doesn't work. When I had my second, climbing over my back fence put me right into labor. But if that doesn't work, try putting a hot pad (the kind that you plug in and put on achy muscles) on your... things that start with b and rhyme with moobs that are totally real and not enhanced in any way.

Little Lady said...

Eat lots of cake!

I do this for all and every Lment.

Trust me, I'm the cake lady. I won't stear you wron!

Katrina said...

Pineapples make you have more contracts. Totally worth it and way better tasting than the nasty guk of castrol oil! Ewww!! Good newz is that the feti have to come out. So they will. Just not friggin' fast enough!!

Keri said...

Both pregnancies, NO tricks worked. Ses...walking....bumpy car rides...etc. I was too scared to try Castor Oil but I've had friends do it and it seems to be the trick. Good luck!

Tim and Audra said...

Go get a pedi down at the B.L. (Bon Losee), I've heard that will put you into labor. They will make you sign papers but who cares as long as the feti come out soon.

Janae said...

Sechs worked on my 5th. kaster oil (mixed in orange juice)on the 2nd and pitosin on the first. so good luck hope that helped

tll said...

OMG.....no sex.....ewwwww....yes, it works, but basikly one of the baby's heads will be getting boinked.....SERIOUS. Sorry this is gross, but true. Walk insted. Healthy and not dangerous like CLO.

H.K. said...

My baby was one week late, until I started walking. I was miserable, bloated, all I wanted to do was lie down. So, I started walking, if they told me running a marathon would have done the trick, I would have done it!

The walking worked, baby popped right out...in the hospital of course.

Jordan said...

I went into labor the morning after I lost the mucus plug. All I had to do was blog about it (and that I was sick of being pregnant) and hit the button to post. It was like magic. Just make sure you haven't packed your uber-cute designer hospital bag. That would have been convenient.

Sharah said...

Oh. My. Gosh. Tamn, I cannot bulieve that you STILL haven't scheduled your c-section. How disorganized ARE you??? If you had it scheduled you'd know exactly when they were coming. I mean, what if they come at a really inconvenient time? Like when your getting a pedi or in the middle of a tv show or having your roots dyed or something? The prophet says were supposed to be organized and prepared. Why aren't you planning your life out???

Shel said...

You need to have more sex. Just keep it coming and those babies will pop right out!

dunnthat said...

These comments are getting pretty grafick. Ew.

eff why eye stripping membranes is a myth. Hurts like h and doesn't do anything. Fetis just come when they want, the little buggers.

Mrs. Clark said...

TAMN, don't your preggo countdowns say you have 21 more days to go?

Christa said...

First let me say I hope no one out there in this world is reading this as actual advice, Lord help the soul who actually makes the castor oil milkshake...ugh. Lord help the people in the room with that person for they will have one H of a mess to clean up!
Sex does not put you into labor, the semen has components that help break down your mucus plug, so if you are already dilating and all...sex is so pointless, unless you just like it.
Normally I would say...
Take a warm bath, but not over 103 degrees or you'll have over cooked babies. Try to set your mind on the goal...I had my twins naturally, (can't wait to do it again) but I know you TAMN and so I am saying...
C-section.

Maggie said...

I'm surprised no one mentioned Red Raspberry Leaf Tea (no caffeine, I promise!) It is supposed to focus & strengthen your contractions & put you in real labor. I'm going to do it in a couple weeks to get my precious bundle here (too soon right now). Another *fun* one is starts with 'n' rhymes with 'mipple' stimulation. Kinda goes along with nuzzling...good luck!

dharvey said...

"Toni Braxton Hix contactions"....LOL, too funny! :-)But seriously you of had so many trails to endure these past 8 months. Not to worry, though. As soon as the feti arrive, you'll be able to get a lot of sleep at night. ((( Hugs,))) from D.

ramsam said...

During Biggest Loser (not a moment sooner) let JJWT have a chance at second base. Lot of tweaking really does make the baby come, and since your eternally mariied it is totally legal.

Emily said...

OMG, TAMN, don't you even have a testimony? All you need is a priesthood blessing.

Diagnose Rachel said...

DON"T DO SEX! atleast more than once a while. "cause you could end up with a FIRE burning so bad that when the DTD checks you she'll say, "EWWW...I mean, WOW! That must hurt!"

The babies pushing down make extra heat, and make a nice breading ground for anything BUT contractions.
Plan a big party NOT Babies alowed (no Linzii!!)
and then you can you into labor during the party after all that work, and have all these people know and pray for you. SO WONDERFUL!!!

Other things: indian food. Not native. But INDIA. Not sure where Zion has that, but Seattle has TONS.

Kayleen the Violinist said...

Toni Braxton Hix... ROFL!!!!!!!!

You should have your midwife strip your membranes, then walk around the block. That's what I did and it worked like a charm! :)

Matt and Jennae Porter said...

I bet you're going to have the feti on April Fools day!! Maybe the DTD will try to trick you by telling you it is really twin BOYS. That would be the WORST april fools joke EVERRRR.

em said...

get in the pool and start swimin' girl!!!!!!! that's what worked for my sister in law. i was induced at 41 weeks, so i'm no help there. i tried it all and the doc had to crank up the pitosin and break my water, blah, blah, blah, when's the bachelor coming back i want to talk about that again!!!;-)

Kayleen the Violinist said...

zomg. Toni Braxton Hix. You kill me!!!!!

Just have your midwife strip your membranes, then walk around the block. It TOTALLY worked for me! :)

ali said...

TAMN,

The best advice I have ever received is:

"Hugs before Drugs."

Seriously, it works on like so many levels.

b. said...

Sea-Seck-Shun.

The G Fam said...

DEFINITELY try the castor-oil in OJ! Some of the side-effects are yucky, but my Mom induced quite a few of us that way (BTW, she HATES root beer and OJ now!) Love them Toni-Braxton Hix contractions! Yeah, you just wait till your twinners come and the Mia-maids are really going to be like "oh my gosh, who new how homely those triplits were?" (Like my lack of spelling? :) Yeah, definitely wait till AFTER the Biggest loser, because you know it is such a self-esteem boost for everyone!)

LittleLovables said...

Walk around the maall so all the girls can totally look up to you.

That will totally help. Then, go and call your ob and set an appt to get those suckers removed.

shel7by said...

nuzzle on the trampoline. it's your only hope.

Sara said...

I tried everything to get Babycakes out... breaking my water did the trick!!

AzĂșcar said...

GROOOOOOOOOSS.

JessalynKate said...

My poor mom was 2 weeks overdue with me and she ate an anchovie pizza... ick. But I was born in a day or two.

Bee and Rose said...

Hang in there!!! I walked alot to get my little wee girl out! I walked and walked and walked!!!

Where The Wilds Things Are said...

Have your doc strip your membranes...if you are truly ready to go into labor it will work. Other than that pitocin was the only thing that really worked.

Skipper said...

Duh, TAMN! Whatever happened to positive thinking and visualizing success?

Constance said...

I'm a nurse, so it's OK for me to use some of the following words. You need to have sex with lots of nipple stimulation (the stimulation releases oxytocin which cause contracts, the semen has prostiglandins which soften the cervix). This then needs to be followed by a long walk to pust things along. If this doesn't work it just isn't time. Avoid Castor Oil, it makes the contracts much harder!!

Wendy said...

To get the fetii to come out, you need to plan a super fab evening event that can not possibly be postponed. Make it something rilly super cool. Guaranteed the feti will decide to make an appearance and make you miss your event. They want to be in the center of attention, and if they think you'll be paying more attention to the event than to their upcoming arrival, they'll HAVE to do something to get the attention on them, where it belongs.

Amy said...

I hate to say it, but it's todally takky that you still have your st. patricks day banner. SERIOUSLY, move on to the easter one (and I don't mean one of those Easter is really about Jesus banners--I want cute eggs and bunnies, and little peeps!)

Amy said...

Oh--and have JJWT rub your heels and cute little ankels--if it doesn't make you have the feti at least it will fill good!

Amanda said...

They aren't cooked yet! You don't want to spend weeks watching them in the NICU, that is a huge drag. Keep 'em in.

Pie said...

TAMN!!!! you must be so busy being preggers and on self-imposed bedrest becuz i dinent see you at the midnight release partay of the twilight DVD!!! Being preggo must be seriously so hard on you, but you are such FANTABULOUS example to the rest of us *frownsmile*... seeing you gives me a peek at what the pioneers must have gone through!

Carli Webb said...

Run...RUN like there is no tomorrow! Don't stop, even if you feel like you wil die! Your babies will get all jiggled up and pop your water and come out so fast that you might not even get to the doc in time!

Brittany Ann said...

Sorry they haven't arrived yet. Our doctor told me walking would work. But what worked was getting my membranes scraped. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Good luck!

The Howell family said...

Count your blessings every second that they are still in there. Mine were born at 32 weeks and it's way harder on them. Personally I really enjoyed the huge, last of pregnancy sex, at least it's fun if it doesn't work.

Michelle said...

I think you're full of crap.
You're not going to have twins and you're making this all up because you want to fit in with every other person in UTah that's having twins. You never show real pictures and all you're doing is trying to have this far fetched rediculous blog. But good job at getting every "stay at home" Mormon mom to take 3 hours of their day to look at your blog. When really they should be taking care of their 8 children.

Ty & Nancy Mackey said...

Don't you feel bad for all these women who took castor oil? (so not natural- or in the plan!) nuzzle time totally works.... but hey, you could always ask your doctor to start you... I mean you are having twiners afterall!!

Leejean said...

If you're into herbs you can take Black Cohosh and Evening primrose oil. You can get it at health food stores, but be sure to ask for dosage instructions. The oil helps the cervix soften, (sperm also does this)But if it's not time some of these methods can bring the babies but your experience might be harder than if you just waited. Walking is good, Nuzzles will help and castor oil too but usually only if you are really close anyway. Good Luck!!

Steve & Alli said...

I was a week overdue so after my 41wk doctors' appt. the hubs took me to IKEA-he hates that place- and we walked around for hours. Then we went to the grocery store and got some red raspberry leaf tea- totally herbal/within the plan- went home and had a nap... then went to his parents for dinner, then went on a very long evening walk... got home near 11pm and went into labor at 2am... I think the fact that I was super grumpy all-day helped tremendously too, all that over-due stress just got the baby thinking maybe it's not so cool to be inside mom

Larsen's said...

If you take primrose oil capsules it will help to soften your cervix with some raspberry tea! Some people even insert them into your VaJayJay! Sex is also suppose to help. Good luck!!! They will be here soon enough and then you will be amazed at how it will seem that you have always had them with you! You will be a wonderful mother! Ohh...Walk a lot too this helps too.

The G Fam said...

Member how that person is frustrated because they can not figure out the real you? Member how you have articles discussing how this is a spoof? Makes me chuckle:)
P.S. You always give me a good laugh and helps keep my mind off of some of the stresses of my life!

Sandra said...

Raspberry tea twice a day gets your body ready for delivery. It also makes the delivery a bit smoother, too.

Emma said...

These comments are getting WAY, ultra, ubber graphic!

P.S why do you never talk about American Idol!