May 13, 2009

vaycay gone lamekay

Remember how we're going on a post-baby cruise next week and I stopped eating anything besides lettuce and squeeky cheese so my modest bikini pics would be extra darling and even made a paperchain countdown and really deserve the chance to relax and take some me time for once??

Wellllll, time to start calling SOMEONE Ruin Everything Ruth!!! She's been talking to my MIL and seriously thinks we should......................


go on a family church history trip.

seriously.

church history instead of a cruise!

Sooooo not even kidding! She is dead doornell serious! She said we have to drive back east anyway if I want to have my Escalade in DC so we may as well hit the church history sites.

Ummm. Helloooo? IS THIS A JOKE? Does Nauvoo even have beaches? Is there a formal nite in Kirkland??


This is insanety!

I need a vacation, not a field trip.

61 comments:

Trav said...

chillax...wasnt the batchelor from "Kirkland?" You can unload your true feelings on that guy. Thats a plus, right?

Ruth said...

Cruises are way better. You can't wear your modest bikini in Kirtland. *frown*

Public Artist said...

Seriously, what a frumpster attenchun grabber. Did you point out to your MIL that you are the one with Twinners and therefore more ritchuser?

I think you need to have loverbunz have a sit down with her at cafe rio and explain the diff between a vacay and educational betterment.

Token Asian Friend said...

I just looked up the word vacation in the dictionary, and I didn't see "hiding you tan under overalls," "be forced to hang out with lame SIL," "drive through cornfields for days," "feel spiritual," or "learn things" anywhere in there!

Sadie said...

OUch, almost as bad as camping. Poor girl. I am so sorry!

GladysIcanbee said...

nuzzle time on a cruise is much better than nuzzle time on a family church history filled trip. Time for JJWT to man up, so to speak.

Heather said...

haha! This is a great blog! I love it!

Kristina P. said...

Does this mean that you can't walk around at the restaurants, in your super cute strapless dresses? It's totally OK to do that when you're on vacation. I think it says that in the Doctine and Covenants.

Gasp! They will probably expect you to go to church on Sunday too!!! What kind of vacation is this?!?!?

Colt said...

My MIL suggested a trip to Kirtland, I suggested Cleavland, not that is is much better.

natalie said...

That is so sad. Seriously, vacays and church don't mix. Maybe Ruth needs the oil and water demo.

brossettelewis said...

You have twins. Since when did she think she could offer suggestions ?!? Assume she is hormonal/mean cause she's pregnant and share her the good news. :P

The Boob Nazi said...

But what about the deposit and flights??? That can't work! Down with Ruth!

Cristin said...

Won't this interfere with JJWT's alarm/pest control/living scriptures selling schedule this summer?

Jacki said...

So here's what you do- get a flight to D.C. with the twins with a grandma or totally cute niece in tow. Let the fam take their time across the country, while you get to stay in a hotel and look like a pioneer woman in a hotel (or your long lost east coast cousins) while you wait for them to arrive. Bonus- you can pick the apartment for the summer before husby arrives. I've drove cross country with babies before- NOT FUN.

Amy said...

You could compromise - Cruise to Cancun and see some of the places where the Lamanites and Nephites used to live!!

Pam C. said...

Wow, will you get to do a session in the Nauvoo temple? Totally want Ruth to join my book club!

Maya said...

You go on vacays with your MIL? That m'dear is your first mistake. They are always party poopers :-(

Elizabeth said...

Does Ruth know that there is literally NO PLACE to buy fro-yo in Nauvoo? There is one spot that serves full fat soft serve, but that's hardly acceptable!

Kara Miller said...

Maybe JJWT could tell Ruth to do the trip by herself. She could drive your Escalade out to D.C. and see Kirkland all by her frumpy lonesome! Then you and Angellurve will have nuzzletime on the cruise!

Joey/Denny/Emma said...

Don't you mean FILD trip?

Heidi Ashworth said...

LOVE Nauvoo but stay away from the peanut butter/chocolate fudge (Oh. My. Heck.)

Jenny said...

Maybe you could rent a motor-home and all ride together. That is the only way to experience the church sites. Oh, and stay in the big room place in Nauvoo and you and lover buns could share a bunk.

Plus you could show everyone up by crying the hardest at the liberty jail. Then they would all know that you are way spiritual. WAY!

The Hills said...

Geez, How selfish of her! Doesn't she reelize that going to church means you don't need anymore spirichualness?

Kari said...

Just one of those UGHmazing opportunities, mAyBe???...

dharvey said...

Choose the cruise, TAMN. You need something restful and fun. Church history sites are neither restful, nor fun. There are no beaches in Nauvoo where you can look hot in your modest bikini. -- D.

Rachel said...

Squeaky cheese, nice. I had never heard of that stuff before I went to UT and have never heard of it since.

Casey and Jeannie said...

Oh TAMN! What an absolute heifer! Tell Ruin Everything Ruth to mind her own business slash get a life. It's obvious she's just jealous. I'll emotional eat an extra strawberry twizzler for you.

Melinda said...

HAHAHHAHAHHAHA "Kirkland"!!!! Hilarious.

Mrs.EBG said...

Better idea-- Ruth drives your Escalade to DC for you while you and hunneybunz go on the love boat!

Shari said...

Just to make sure it's not a total waste of time, wear your modest bikini on the tours. Problem solved.

Whitney Teigan Lyman said...

Well, I guess I'm just luckier... I get to go on a cruise to the BAHAMAS! Just made sure I invited the family first :)

matt said...

church history trips are like a trip to Yellowstone. you've seen one guiser and you've seem them all.
likewise; if you seen one church historical site;; you've seen them all.
some old dude "missionary" going around showing you stuff that's not real. but "recreated" that you could have seen or learned about on the inter webs.
matt
www.bitterbarn.wordpress.com

Marisa said...

Squeaky cheese! I haven't had that since the BYU creamery, it's pretty hard to find here in the Seattle area, but we do have the real Kirkland!

Stephanie said...

Church history tours are great for answering questions in gospel doctrine. You can always start out your answers with "Well, you know, when we were in Nauvoo . . . "

It makes you seem so much more riteous than everyone else.

Token Asian Friend said...

TAMN...does this mean that Ruth is now the Alpha Sister-in-law? Since when did Queenie start taking HER advice over yours?

kris and judd said...

But you can't wear your modest bikini with your MIL around! I know mine would totally flip if she saw mine. You need JJWT time, now JJWT's Family time!

Maria said...

hahahahahahahahahaha--have fun

Ashley said...

Why do all Utahns say KirKland???

Anonymous said...

I must admit I'm totally with TAMN on this one, for rills.

clan of the cave hair said...

lets face it, MIL's gonna win this one, so when you get to Nauvoo, feel free to park in any driveway you want to, the locals totally don't mind, but if you do run into some grump who thinks that just because they bought the property it no longer belongs to the church, just remind them that that the extermination order only exists on the OTHER SIDE of the River and to just calm down, this property is rightfully yours and you can do whatever you want. Also, don't forget to thank them graciously for the blackberries, tomatoes and cucumbers you enjoyed from their garden, it made your picnic in their yard so much nicer.

Krystal said...

LOL this is funny!
We're heading back home for this Christmas and we wanted to go play at the beach, instead my parents want us to go on this history drive (which i used to be a tour guide for so i already know everything!) for 3 whole days!
We live nowhere near a beach and I want to go to the beach dang it!

Kat Green said...

TAMN, Come to Kirkland while Ruthie and the gang are in Kirtland, OK? I'll take you to the beach. There are lots of nice beaches here. You can wear your formal if you want.

Diana said...

my very first post here, SERIOUSLY (this is what my mom tells me=it's not ALL about you/her (in regards to your "problem") It's YOUR vacation you hubby when did you invite her?

Anne said...

I know! They have river cruises!!! Maybe they have one to Nauvoo. It's the perfect solution!

Catherine said...

Are you really trying to pass this off as your own story? I thought your blog was "fictional." I just heard this exact same story at BYU women's conference

Rach said...

i just laughed so hard i almost cried. as someone who loves church historry, i also love the TAMNs of the world that are shocked anyone would do anything but tan on a vaycay. God bless satire.

Anonymous said...

So, if you go on the church history trip, it's not really a vacation. It's an "obli-cation."

jdb in AZ said...

If you end up on the field trip, "accidently" forget to take a dress. Then you won't have to go to church at a strange ward.

Leslie Jam said...

Isn't 'Kirkland' the store brand at Costco? I think your worlds are colliding.

Tell Ruth the mish experiences will be better on a cruze, think of all of the gentiles who might feel the spirit if they see you in your modest yet hot bikini!

Kathleen said...

Um, not to be jugmintal, but I hope you told all the people who voted for field trip in your poll that they are no longer your EBFF's.

Janelle said...

Okay, so if the in-laws want to do this trip, aren't they paying for it? So it's just a scheduling thing, right?

(Oh, and isn't church histry totally a vacay that Lynzii would lurve? LA-AME!)

Anonymous said...

You're dead doornell serious?!!
That's too funny...and sad at the same time! Exactly where is Kirkland?

Andee said...

No!

Don't do it.

Believe me... it's not worth it. Take a stand and go on the cruise.

One of a dozen said...

TAMN! you should totally go on the church history trip. Then you can stop by & see me in Kansas/Missouri! Just watch out for the frumpies in Independence. *Shudder*
Btw, I'd like to ask all of you Utahns to stop praying for rain in Zion. We're getting flooded.

Mama said...

I don't think the twinners will appreciate Nauvoo yet and they should wait until they've been in Primary before they are exposed to such spiritchulness. I mean, do they even know ALL their Articles of Faith, yet?

So tell Ruin Everything Ruth that you are giving a Nauvoo trip to them as a gift for the year they turn twelve and you will take them to the temple there that day for their first baptisms for the dead - just like Grandpa Brigham Young would have wanted.
Then really, blow off Nauvoo and pay the twinners to "embelish" to Ruth they went when really, you went to NYC for a Mets game and a trip to the American Girl store....your usual birthday gift to them!

Duh!

noy9ers said...

If you do in up in NY, you could look up my son who is serving the Lord there. He would love to meet you and the fam. That would be worth the change in plans!!!

Anonymous said...

you better stop eating squeaky cheese if you wanna look good in your tankini! p.s. i love ruth!

Little Lovables said...

If you end up bending and going on the trip, then get a way hot and modern bonnet to wear on the wagon trail pushing the handcart thingy and you can show off your lean and way tan muscles and be all muddy and glisteny.

Srsly, everyone else will be sweaty and covered in mosquitos, but you will still be the super cute TAMN. Just gotta wear waterproof mascara!

krissy said...

Yuk! Maybe your SIL could charter a SCHOOL BUS for the field trip.

Anonymous said...

Didn't many of the pioneers cross the deep blue in ships? Not to mention Lehi and fam? Sounds like a cruise would two birds with one stun.

Nick and Melanie Munns said...

Take a "cruise" on the Mississippi River and stop in Nauvoo on the way!